AGREED AT LAST.

Taranaki Daily News, 22 November 1930, Page 8 (Supplement)

AGREED AT LAST.

“Sam, where have you been?” “No place—just married.” Thas good.” “Not so good. I’se stepdad to nine kids.” /‘Thas bad.” “Not so bad. She’s got plenty of money.” “Thas good.” “Not so good—held on it tight.” “Thas bad.” “No so bad—owns a big house.” “Thas good.” “Not so good—it burnt down last uigl t “Thas bad.” “Tain’t so bad. She burned with it. “Thas good.” “Yes, thas good.” • « • • LETTING HIM DOWN. The new member, of the City Council felt very proud of himself, and nodded amicably at any passer-by whom he thought he had seen before. “Excuse me, sir,” responded one man to whom he had given a particularly affable bow, “but I think.l saw your likeness in the papers.” “Er—yes, my photograph has been rather prominent lately,” gushed the uew member. . “I thought I could tell your face again,” continued the other. And, do vou know, I’ve tried that very . same medicine for my rheumatism and it has not cured me.”

“My, motto,” said the very assertive man,, “is; ‘Buy dirt cheap and sell in the highest market.’ What do you think of it?” “Well,” replied the quiet little man, “I don’t really know. You see, I’ve never bought dirt.” j “How does your wife like the washing machine you bought her for Christmas?” , X- J X “No o-ood. Every time she tried to get in it those paddles knock her black and blue.” *** ' * Very new office boy (who has just handed long column of figures to employer) : I’ve added those figures up ten times, sir. Employer: Good boy! Very new office boy (handing up another slip of paper): An’ here’s the ten answers, sir. # # ♦ * THE SPRING TEST. A man in a huge limousine was following a baby car going at full tilt along a country road. Every now and then the little car bounced alarmingly. Finally the man in the limousine drew alongside the baby ear and told the owner politely that he was bound to break his back axle if he went on as he was doing. “Good heavens, man, can’t I have hiccoughs without your interfering,” was the reply. # * # * THE TROUT SEASON. An amateur angler, who was not up to the tricks of the game, had been whipping the water without success for an hour or so, when the inspector marched’.up. “Are you aware,” said the newcomer, menacingly, “that this is preserved water?” “Is it?” said the angler. “I thought here was something funny about it.”

Distraught and out of breath, the wild-eyed man rushed up to the policeman on the beat. It was nigh to midnight. “Constable,” 'he begged, “can you please tell me how I can stop a woman m our flate from shouting at her husband?” ■ “Shouting at her husband?” echoed the officer. 0 “Well, of course, I can’t do anything, but if she’s making herself a nuisance you can always get the people in the other flats to protest.” “S’pose I’d better try that,” said the wild-eyed one. “But I wish something could be done now.” “W ; hy?” The policeman was amused. “Is she keeping you awake?” “Can’t get a wink. I’m the husband.” , # * * • • * . Williams entered a small country hotel, and seated himself at one of the many deserted tables. “What would you like, sir?” asked a waiter, arriving with the bill of fare. The customer carefully studied the list of eatables and finally selected a half portion of duck. Ten minutes went by, and the food wasVnot forthcoming. At the end of 20 minutes Williams began to grow impatient. “I say waiter,” he snapped, “when am I to be served with that,half-duck?” “When someone comes in aud orders the other half, sir,” he explained. “We can’t begin killing half-ducks.”

Mistress: “I don’t like to have to keep would realise that when the master, it means that he wants them cleaned.” Maid: “Very well, madam—and what does front door?’’ '

complaining, Mary, but I do wish you leaves his shoes outside the bedroom door z *k o it mean when he leaves them outside xne