SMILE AWHILE

Taranaki Daily News, 18 October 1930, Page 8 (Supplement)

SMILE AWHILE

After watching the young lady driver ahead wave her hands in three or four different directions at once on the intersection, the driver behind decided she .was going to turn to the right, and crashed into her as she changed her mind. He got out to do a little interviewing. “Well, all I can say,” said the miss, “is that I’m sorry.” “Is that all you can say?” “Why, yes.” “Well, then,” said the young man, clearing his throat, “listen to me!!!!”

A budding journalist was told never to use two words where one would do. He carried out this advice in his report of a fatal accident in the following manner:

“John Jones struck a match to see if there was any gasoline iu his tank. Aged 65.”

MORAL EDUCATION. .“Charles,” said a mother to her six-year-old son, “is it possible that are teaching the parrot to use slang?” “No, mamma,” replied Charles; “I was iust telling him what not to say.” J l#** ■ ;• ; PROGRESSIVE HOLIDAY RESORTS. Two advertising, agents met. Each, had been engaged by rival managers to “boom” their respective .resorts. .Said the first agent: “You don’t seem to be doing much. Why don’t you do what I do—get photographs of your place distributed?” “My dear fellow,” replied the other, “my place doesn’t stand still -.long enough to be photographed. ;

A party of spirited gentlemen were returning in the small hours of the morning from a highly successful party. They came to a standstill •at length opposite a certain house, and a lively discussion broke out. One of the revellers mounted the door step and thumped on the door, until a window above was opened, and a young woman looked out. “Pardon, are. you Misshus Shmith?” asked the spokesman. 1 “Yes, I am,” returned the lady forbiddingly. “Good,” exclaimed the leader of the party; “will you be sho kind as to come down and pick out Mishter Shmith? The rest of us want to get home ?” «c # ~ • The mission was nearly over.. One of the partners in the coal business' had , been converted,, and tried to persuade his brother, who was in partnership with him, to go to the meeting. But this brother refused. “If I get converted too, who’s going to weigh up the coal?” he demanded. » * " # <<'. * ■The schoolmaster, was taking a class in science. “Now then, Smith,” h« said, ‘name me a poisonous substance.” / Willie Smith, who 'was not gifted with an over , supply of intelligence, thought deeply.’ ‘ " “Aviationhe replied after, a while. The class tittered with amusement, , and the master looked sternly at the boy. “Explain yourself, Smith,” he snapped. s. , “One drop will kill, sir,” responded Willie.'

The question of money was the usual morning topic in Murphy’s house. It always came in with the eggs. “I’ll want a little ready cash to-day, said' his wife.

He shook his head in\answer. His wife at once brought up an old argument. , > / “Before we were married you said my slightest wish .would be fulfilled, she grumbled. ‘“I know,” replied Murphy. “I’m still looking for one that’s slight enough.

An Irish fireman, rescuing a woman at a blaze, lost his hold near the bottom of the ladder, and landed heavily with the woman on top of him. A doctor, hastily summoned, pronounced him sound, though badly bruised. ‘You are a brave gentleman,” said the doctor.' “Brave, maybe, but no gentleman, replied .the Irishman, rubbing his injuries, “or I’d have let the lady go first. J ' * 1 ■, The fussy woman was arguing with the shopkeeper over the purchase of a rabbit. After inspecting several, she said she could not eat one that had been shot or trapped. Puzzled as to what she did require, the shopkeeper Jost his. temper, picked up another, and said:— “Here, missus, have this one-it s been frightened to death.’