FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 27 September 1930, Page 21 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

ANGUS WAS' A- TIME SAVER. Economical Angus McTavish fell into a well. The water was eight feet deep, and cold, but Angus could ’swim.. His wife yelled down to him: “I’ll ring the dinner bell and the boys will come in and pull you oot.” “What time is it?” asked Angus. “Aboot eleven o’clock,” said his wife. “Don’t ring it,” said Angus, decisively. “I’ll just swim aboot until noon.” # a a a ’TWAS PLAIN TO:'BE SEEN. “Don’t you see the resemblance?” asked the proud mother, exhibiting the baby. “Just look at our faces, side by side.” “Nothing could be plainer,” replied the guest, absent-mindedly. a * * # Mr. SEW AND SEW. “Yes,” said Mrs. Newfcind, “my husband is awfully careless; he’s always losing the buttons off his- clothes.” “Perhaps, my dear,” replied Mrs. Oldstyle, gently, “it is because they are not sewn on carefully enough.” “That’s just it! He’s so frightfully slipshod with his sewing!” a a a a CASH FOR EXPERIENCE. Hezekiah (seeing the sights with his father): “I say, why do they call this ’ere building the Exchange?” Old Dubbs (a lamb who has been shorn): “Because, Hezekiah, that’s where you exchange your cash for experience.” « « • « THE SAFEST SETTLEMENT. An Apache boarded a car and refused to pay his fare. At the corner of the street, the conductor signalled a policeman to enter and pointed out the burly individual. “That man doesn’t want to pay his fare. Will you get him out of this car?” asked the conductor. The policeman took one look at the Apache. “I’ll pay for him myself,” he said. • * * * “NUTTY.” A speaker at one of the universities began an address to the students as follows: “Now, I’m not going to talk very long, but if you get what I am going to say in your heads you’ll have the whole thing in a nutshell.” And he looked surprised when a roar of laughter followed his unintentional “slam.” • « # • FIFTY-FIFTY. •/Overproof “tacked” up the silent shadow-shaded pathway to the front door. Club night had been a late night. Footsteps were irregular and irritating. “Bootsh won’t go straig’sh,” he hiccupped. At last-he reached the door and violently pulled the bell. Suddenly a head, jumped into view from an upstairs window. “You’re ringing at the wrong door, old chap!” exclaimed the voice. “Go -’waysh! You’re talkin’sh from th’ , wrong’sh window,” replied Overproof. # • * ' THE QUIET LIFE. ' . r ''' 7 they return from party): what you did ?” Hubby; “No, but I’ll admit that it was wrong. What was .it ?” '• < « • ■ THE -INSPIRING EYES. .Poet (tenderly*: ‘fYour eyes inspired me to write- this poem.” Adored:' “Then I must see an oculist at once.” # * * * FRESH. Customer: “I have spoilt' my suit with your fresh paint.” . Grocer: “But didn’t you see the notice ‘Fresh paint’?” Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t take much notice. You have a notice, ‘Fresh eggs.’ ” * # e ® THIS WAY FOR REDUCTIONS. Landlady (at boarding-house*: “I am very glad to hear that you came because of, the recommendation of a friend.”, . Guest: “Yes. As soon as I said the doctor had ordered me to begin a treatment for reducing weight, my friend told me tb come here.” # « •. • WHY THEY RUN. 0 Mrs. Gibbons was lamenting the excessive cost of light in their little bungalow. *‘My goodness!” she exclaimed, “I don’t know anything more surprising than the way our gas bills run up.” “Oh, that’s not surprising,” commented Mr. Gibbons, “when you consider how. many thousand feet they have!” « # # « A MELANCHOLY PUNSTER. Fitzjones: “Did you go to the music hall last evening, Percy"” De Browri: “No. I attended a sleight of hand performance.” . Fitzjones: -“Where?” .... De Brown: “I went to call on Miss Le Smythe, and offered her my hand, but she slighted it.” a » fl « ■., deaf. One navvy to another at their midday meal: “What are you eating, Bill?” Bill: “Soup; are you deaf?” a' » « MODERN METHOD. “Well, little girl, what are you going to do when you grow up to be a big woman like mother?” Modern Child: “Diet,, of course.” fl » * a A WARM WELCOME. Eddie and his four sisters had been for a holiday to relatives in the country. The invitation had been for one week, but they stayed five. The uncle thought they intended staying for ever, but they eventually left. On arriving home their father asked if their uncle had been glad to see them. “Too right,” said Eddie. “He asked us why we did not bring you, mother, baby, the maid, the cat, and the dog.”