FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 18 January 1930, Page 8 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

A MERCIFUL. OUT. I “Poor -lonesls clothes never fit him.” “No, but he'd look worse if they did.” * * # # THE MODERN METHOD. “Well, little girl, what are you going to do when you grow up to be a big woman like mother?” Modern Child; “Diet, of course.” * # » « IN LILAC TIME. t hi lilac time I told her of.my love sublime. She only said in accents flat, “I wish that I could lilac that !” #&# . * PRACTICAL. English Guide (showing places of interest): “It was in this very room, air, that Nelson received his first commission.” Tourist: ‘That so? How much did he get?” i' « # * * I 'TIME TO GO. Mr. Staylatc (to fiancee); “if I hadl enough money I’d travel.” Her father (from next room): “Just how much do-you need?” *'# ■ * * SECONDHAND. Assistant: “Yes, sir, those socks will give perfect satisfaction. I’ve worn them myself for the last two months,’ 5 Customer; “Have you a pair like them that you haven’t worn so long?” *'# # • CORRECT’. .. Teacher: “Robert, here is an example in subtraction. Seven boyh went down to the creek to bathe, but two of them had. •been told not to go in the water. Now, can you inform me how many went in?” Robert: “Yes, ma’am; seven.” *## ■ # HOW TIME FLIES. An aboriginal was travelling in a trai« for the first time, when it came to a tunnel. All was darkness till the train shot out the other end, then, to the abo’a amazement, it became daylight again. He looked around for a while, then suddenly burst out: “Cripes; ter-morrer!” ■»«:«* DRESSING TOR IT. The family 'were spending their holiday by the sea. Beryl was worrying her mother for ices. - “But it really is too chilly for re® cream this morning, dear,” replied.;, mother. “Oh, but I’ll put my coat on to have it, Mummy,” came the reply. ’ # ■* * HE NEVER THOUGHT. Shop Girl: “A pair of silk stockings sir? Certainly. Do you prefer beige-, pale, fawn, champagne, pearl blush, atmosphere, froth grain, sawdust;, meloft, straw, oyster, bleached mauve,, gun-, metal, moonlight br shadow?” Young Man: “I never thought of that. Perhaps I’d better buy her a bracelet instead.” ii # # . ■ * A GOOD IMITATION. Little Herbert arrived home one even* ing with his clothes full of Holes. His mother threw up her hands in horror. “Your new suit is ruined!” she exclaimed. “What on earth have you been doing?” “Well,” said Herbert, “I was playing at grocer’s shop with Reggio and Joan. All of us had to be something, andl was the cheese.” 1 # # # * CERTAINLY. “f say, Bill,” said a bricklayer to his mate, “what’s a cosmopolitan?” “Well,” was the careful reply, “if there was a Polish Jew living in Scotland with, an Italian wife smoking Turkish cigarettes at a French window in a room with a Persian carpet and a German band was playing ‘The Dear Little Shamrock,’ after a supper of Dutch bheo'se with Welsh rabbit, you'd ba quite-hate in saying that chap Was ft cosmopolitan.”