WIT AND HUMOUR

Taranaki Daily News, 20 July 1929, Page 20

WIT AND HUMOUR

GIVING THEM THE HA-HA. “If you had one day to live, hov? would you spend it?” “Laughing at my creditors.” %** * - SOME BIRD. Teacher—What African bird has wing® but can’t fly? Pupil—A dead ’un! *■ # * flGRE AT EG G SPECT AT lONS. She—lf you'll buy mo those pearls, dearest, I’ll wear them at once, and then von won’t have to carry them, fl= fl ; # AMBIGUOUS. Visitor—You’ll be sure to tell Mis® Smyth that I called when she was out I Maid—Oh, yes. She’ll bo delighted to hear it, a? e f; « THE EFFECTS OF THE PARTY. Wife—Where were you all last night? Husband—l was sitting up with a sick l friend—and, if you want to know the whole truth, I was as sick as he warLOGIC. Pedestrian (to passing motorist) —Hi, mister, I’m going your way. Motroist—-So 1 see, but 1’1! get theta before you do. # «= * OVER THE FENCE. Diner —What do you call Chis stuffl Waiter —Mock turtle soup, sir. Diner—Well, tell the chef he has car< ried his mockery too far. # ir fl' TRUE ECONOMY. Wife —I don’t know what is the mat* ter, but I have lost my head. Husband—Hurrah! No more hats to buy. fl-. * * HINT. Percy —You know, Marion; I can road you like a book. Marion —Don’t yon usually take a book on your knees when you read? , # # # ■» A WEE DROP. Carpenter from third story—Did I drop something on your head? Pedestrian —Only a hammer. Be more careful next time. , . SHE KNOWS. “Mr. Jones is not at all keen op marrying.” “How do you know that?” ’“I am engaged to him.” j I <:■ « i NOT SO DRUNK. : ! Baggs: “Simpson was so drunk last night that he was boasting of the delightful way his fiancee kissed.” Tagg: “Yes; but ho soon sobered up when Fred agreed with him!” , fl' » fl' fl' IWORKING AFTER HOURS. i: Foreman —What’s lip, Bill, ’urt yourself? Bill—No! Gotta nail -in my boot. Foreman —Why don’t yer tako it out, then ? Bill—What! In the dinner hour?

THE IDEA. Student (inspecting Chalk’s latest drawings)—Your husband seems to have wonderful imagination. Mrs. Chalk—-Yes, indeed, he often gets the idea that lie’s head of the house. DRY HUMOUR. Jones: “Have you heard how three men shared an umbrella, and didn’t get Robinson: “No. Row did they manage it?” Jones: “It wasn’t raining.” # # & * ON THE RIGHT TRACK. Agitated-wife—l’m positive that wax a human being we ran over. Motorist (in thick fog)—Good! Then we’re still on the road all right. # « * «= THOSE LITTLE THINGS. “It is tho little things in life that cause us the most trouble.” . “Yes; last night I found my houso . all right, but I could not find the keyhole” o <•> « ; EJ.S THOUGHTS. Mother —What did the vicar teach you in Sunday school to-day ? Fritz —1 couldn’t listen —I kept looking at him and trying to find out how he. gets into his collars. I j SUCCESSFUL. I Cor the Nature, lesson the teacher brought in a glass bowl containing ft goldfish. This sin - placed in a prominent , position on her table. “Now,” she began, turning to the class, “’can anyone tell me what a goldfish is? There was 1.0 ir.uncdia’ * reply. Aftci a pause, howevei, a little girl put up her hand. . , ~ “1 know, teacher,” she said brightly. “It’s a sardine that’s got very rich.”' * * & TINE r, F DE PROFIT. Stationmaster--! think some one will get into trouble on account of that train starting three minutes lute. Assistant—Why? Any of the passengers complaining? Stationmaster —No; but the restau ant man vows he’ll make it hot for w ioever is responsible. The passengers hav* had time to cat what they paid for.