HUMOROUS.

Colonist, Volume LIV, Issue 13410, 7 May 1912, Page 3

HUMOROUS.

1 „. -^JJfc-. ■ ! Victim Cooking in mirror): "Great rcir-'.sors, barbar, you've gone and c-bru'cd every blessed hair off my head?" " ■ I Barber: "Isn't that what.you told u:o to do? :> | ' "Told you to do? "Why, man, 3 told you I wanted it cut ala mode." ; "I beg your pardon, sir.'l thought you said you wanted it all mowed." An Irish soldier, placed on guard over a cannon, was found by his officer in a public house some distance away. "How dare you leave your post?" was the stern rebuke. "Ah, but it is no consequence at all, plasco yer honor." said the man. "There's no two men able to lift that s.;i.m between them, much less carry it off. An' if there was more than two, I know I wouldn't baa match for them —'So I kern away, ycr honor!" A leading theatrical manager told a dramatic critic stories as he strolled in the bright, cold weather down Broadway. "Therft was one cliap," said he , '1 couldn't get- rid of. Dear me, he was persistent. I refused his farce seven Limes, and still he kept on turning up with it, re-written here* and there. : " 'But, sir,' he said, 'is there no ..possible way you could put my farce •-i the stage ?? ' "Well," said I, ."there's one way, but I don't know if you'd submit—" " 'Oh, I'd submit to anything!' "Then," said I, "we'll grind it up and use it as a snowstorm." "Save me! Save me!" screamed the 4irl, who was struggling in the deep water. The young man on the bank hesitated. "I'm a married man," he said, "and I've throe children at home. You must understand that."

"Yes, yes, but save me," cried the girl.

"I.can't marry you if I do," explained the young man.

"No! No! Only save met. I sha-I drown if you are not quick."

"Yes, I will. But you must promise tliat you won't fling your arms around rao and call me your hero ?" "I promise."

"Right. I'll save you. You see, 1 have to bo cautious, because I rescued n girl once before that's how I came

to be married."

An old Scotsman who had been a long time in the colonies, paid a visit to his "native glen," and, meeting an old school fellow they sjit down to have a chat about old times and acquaintances. la the course of conversation the stranger happened to ask about a certain Geordio'M'Kay. '

"Bo's dead long a.go," said his friend, "and I'll never, cease regretting him as long as I live." "Dear me.! Had you such a respect for him as that?"

"Na, iia! It wasna' ony respec' I had for him si'; but I married his widow."