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Colonist, Volume LI, Issue 12402, 18 November 1908, Page 1

Mark Twain's humourous advice to some burglars who broke into his uouse the other day proves that lie lias the faculty of finding humour in the most unexpected places. The following incident shows how strongly :s the joker's instinct ingrained in him. A friend once took him to see x very beautiful and valuable piece of sculpture. It represented a young .vonian coiling up her hair, and the workmanship was such that the owner's other companions stood openmouthed in admiration. "Well," said the host, turning to Mark Twain for his verdict, "what do you think of it?' -'Yes, it's very pretty," said vlark, 'hut's its not true to nature." "Why not?" inquired everyone in surprise. "She ought to have her mouth full of liairpins," replied the humourist gravely. The cormnon folk-phrase "As mad ' as a hatter" signifies that the person spoken of is dangerously mad, or rabid. The expression is a corruption of "mad as an atter," or adder, "atter" baing Anglo-Saxon for adder, as also standing for "poison" of any kind. Anyone as "mnd as an atter" was very dangerously insane, therefore ; the aspirate has crept in. A lady in Wood villa (says the "Examiner") has just received a letter from some friends of hers who settled in land in the Darling Downs district, Queensland, within the last twelve months. They all wish they were back in tho Dominion again, for the drought has been on for some time," feed is very scarce, and sheep are dying in hundreds. On the day of General Booth's arrival at Johannesburg the local Jewsh Chronicle published an editorial welcome and awarded tbe General tho weekly "n.ike" offered by the Dupor to celebrities rf the hour. The "cake" was brought to t K e General liy a representative of t'js "Uhronicle" Rho said: "Our religion teaches us that it is better to be a good Christian than a bad Jew — that the just will fiDd a place in heaven whatever their religion ln'iy be, so 1 ng as tneir lives are right"; to which the General rc-plit-d: Quito right; live up to your religion, but if it dors Dot Ji'-lp you t) reach your ideal, wbj. try mine. " There is a good story told of the Kaiser's view of the mission of women. Women, said his Majesty, have enough to do if they devote thei rattention exclusively to the five K's. It was rather a crpytic utterance, and his hearers begged for an explanation. The five X's, said his Majesty, with a smile, are Kinder (children), Kuche (kitchen), Kleidor ; (clothes), and Kirche (church). But, said those present, your Majesty mentioned five "X's," and we heard only fuor. Oh, said his Majesty, the -fifth K is Kaiser. This story embodies the imperial idea of the perfect woman. A London correspondent writes : — "Some of the claimants for old age pension's'have had lives full of . colour and adventure, but in the case of the vast majority life had meant for them the dull drab monotony of mean streets and work, work; work. One old man of 85 said the pension of 5s a week each for himself and his wife would give him a bigger income than he had ever had in his life. It meant, with four shillings a week from a benefit society and the few odd shillings he was able to earn, an income of 18s a week.- This man married on 10s a week, and brought up a family on 12s a week. The pensions will enable his wife and himselfto live better than they ever did before. Consider what sort of life must theirs have been with a family; to keep_ on 12s a week. One poor woman applied, for her pension form three days before the opening day. When told that she would have to wait three 'days she fell fainting on the floor as she turned to leave, the post- ' office. She was 74 and she had no food. for 24 hours. One could go on multiplying instances of the pathos that underlies these glympses into the life of the very poor. It is a life that is often illumined by courage, unselfishness, and determina-. • tion; but it is for the most part a s life of terrible monotony, a life without joy, and- without hope, a life that is only a mockery of what life might be under happier conditions."