Eacts and fiction.

Colonist, Issue 19, 25 December 1857, Page 4

Eacts and fiction.

A Lucky Man.—-The State of Maine gives an illustration of the propensity of some people to be distressed by imaginary evils, wherein a man thus related his expe-r rience in a financial way on the occasionof the failure of a local bank:-—"As soon as I heard of it my heart jumped right up into my mouth. Now, thinks I, s'posirig I got any bills on that bank ! I'm gone if I hey —that's a fact! So I put on my coat and ' put' for home just as fast as my legs would carry me; fact is, I run all the way; and when I got there, I looked keerfully, arid found that I hadn't no bills on that bank '—nor any other. Theri I felt easier."

The chapels in Ireland remain open all day. In one of the villages it was observed that a young girl, whenever she had occasion to pass the chapel, went in, remained but for a moment, and then came out again. This occurred so frequently, that at last, a knot of roguish boys determined to learn the secret of these frequent visits. They accordingly' secreted themselves in the chapel in various places; one crouching behind the statue of the Virgin and child on the altar. Presently, in came the girl, arid going to the altar, fell on her knees, and,exclaimed, "Oh! Holy mother! when'll I get a husband?/ The urchin behind the statue immediately cried out in a squeaking voice, " never, never, never!" the suppliant was for a moment taken aback, ;but recovering herself directly after, she said, addressing the child in the Virgin's arms, " hold your tongue, little boy, and let yer mother spake." A Runaway Match. — " Elopements are not very common now-a-days, when women have become such very dear creatures, that matrimony is getting too expensive. But we heard of a couple the other day who ran off to get married, and came back to the bride's house, where she humbly sued for the forgiveness of her father, kneeling at. his feet,;all Honiton, crinoline, and tears. 'Forgive, forgive me,.dearest father!' sobbed the lovely suppliant. •Forgive you!' exclaimed the old gentleman, why, I'm only too glad to get rid of you; and I should have favoured your wishes, if I had not known that you were so contrary that if I'd encouraged you in the least you'd have refused the man of your heart. Your ill-temper, extravagance, and idleness, have been the plague of my life, and makes your marriage no loss to me, my dear, child. So take her,' added the old gentleman generously, addressing the happy man, ' and may you be happy!' Fancy the feelings of the interesting young gentleman on being thus assured from the lips of the most competent judge in the wprld; that he had 'caught a Tartar,' and 'married in haste to repent at leisure."'

. A burial, society has been recently formed in a northern country;. the first article commences thus—" That whereas many persons find it difficult to bury themselves" > <■; An Original Sentiment.—The Gateshead Observer reports the speech of a gallant gentleman who, proposing the health of the ladies, remarked that if he might be allowed to couple with the toast a sentiment, which was peculiarly proper in the present day, he would say—"May their virtues be ample as their petticoats, and their faults be smaller, than their bonnets." (Immense laughter.) "The Burial Place of a Race.-t-As .we were trudging along the high road to Youghal, on a winter afternoon, we overtook a funeral. The mourners were of the poorest class of peasantry. There were a few women in tattered cloaks, and men .with sleeveless jackets and footless - stockings. The coffin had a pauper look; we watched the procession for a while, and to our surprise saw it stop at the entrance of a stately domain. There was a slight demur, and then the gates opened wide, and,the dead was carried through, and as the ; train stragglecl through avenues and sloping glades, a wailing cry came back upon the wind. We inquired ■ the meaning of this, and'heard that the last of .the lordly Geraldines, on selling the lands of his race, had reserved the right of burial in their own ground to all his descendant^'for ";eyer. The right had been religiously exacted, and whenever >ny one who could claim descent from this line, however poor he might be, died, the body claimed the privilege of this strange tenure, and the lordly owner of the vast estates was compelled perforce to see the funeral train pass beneath his castle window, and hear the iittaghone cried over the gcQNe.—Jßlackwood"s Magazine. . ..•;'■..■'■• ' Patience.—"You can do anything if you only have patience," said an old uncle who had made a fortune, to a nephew who had nearly spent one; " Water may be carried in a sieve if you can only wait." " How long ?" asked the petulant spendthrift, who was impatient for the old man's obituary. His uncle coolly replied, " Till it freezes.". A young lady who was urged to study French, replied that she thought one tongue sufficient for any woman. The Modern Drama, — Blackwood'sMagazine has a capital article on the Modern Drama, which terminates with a humurous imitation of Shakspeare's style. The play ■as supposed to have, been written by the •Bard of Avon; the scene is laid in the, backwoods of Arkansas, and the piece entitled "The. Two Loafers of Arkansas." We.give the following example of its merits. WIIITLER. Tarnation seize me, if I bear the taunt Of this young locofoco .'—Skin a 'coon ? : 'Twere easy. Ay : ! —and ask- me to do more— To whip my weight in wild cats; or to dive For Alligators in the turbid stream, And, having ta'en them by the rugged throats, To wrench their entrails from their jagged jaws, And fling them on the bank—why, that were but A summer evening's play! There's not a boy Within Arkansas but might do the same; , And after, clamber to the-squirrel's nest ..-■■ And rob it of its nuts* Shall this base loafer, Than whom the June bug which the; night-hawk cracks Is in creation greater of account, . .. Chaw me so catawampously ? Away— 'Tis night—be red, my bowie-knife, ere day! • [Exit.