WIT AND HUMOUR

Te Awamutu Courier, Volume 53, Issue 3830, 6 November 1936, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR

AMATORY AUNT ALICE. The teacher was giving a health talk to her class and warned them never to kiss animals or birds. “Can you give me an instance of the dangers of this, Jackie? ” she asked. “Yes, Miss, my Aunt Alice used to kiss her dog.” “And what happened ? ” asked the teacher. “It died.” AGREEMENT WITH RESERVATIONS. An old Southern planter was discussing the hereafter with one of the coloured servants. “Sam,” he said, “if you die first, I want you to come back and tell me what it’s like over there. If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you what it’s like.” “Dat suits me, massa,” replied the old negro, “but if you dies first, Ah wants you to promise me dat you’ll come back in de daytime.” MANY OF A KIND. Quadruplets are not often heard of, while quintuplets are, of course, extremely rare.— Quinkittenlets, on the other hand, are fairly common. CITY NOISES. “Sleep well in the country?” “First night I couldn’t sleep at all. After that I hired a farmer’s boy to sit in my automobile and blow the horn all night. Then I got along fine.”—Grit. UNFEATHERED! A lady we know had' the upholsterer in to spruce up her bedding, and in due course received his bill: 2 pillows made of client’s feathers and down—l2s 6d. HIS MISTAKE. “Whatever has happened?” asked the puzzled husband. “Why have you got that plaster over your left eye?” “Plaster? That is my new hat.” GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES Chemistry Master: “What is the most outstanding contribution that chemistry has given to the world?” Student: “Blondes.”

SHREWDNESS. When a friend complained to J. P. Morgan that he had lent 10,000 dollars to a person who had gone off to Europe without leaving any acknowledgment of the debt, the financier said: “ Well, cable and him him to send you the 50,000 dollars he owes you.” “But he owes me only 10,000 dollars,” said the friend. “Precisely,” rejoined the financier. “He will cable back to tell you so. Thus you will get the acknowledgement out of it.” DAY OF RECKONING. Jones found his bill on the breakfast table when he came downstairs on the last day of his holiday. He stared at it, whistled to himself in amazement, then laid it down dismally. A fellow-sufferer smiled at him sympathetically. “Highway robbery, isn’t it?” he commented. Jones rubbed his chin. . “Well,” he remarked,. “I don’t know that I’d call it that. I should say it’s just mash-and-grab.”

, THE PROBATIONER. „ A farmer in conversation with a tourist remarked that his father, nine, ity years old was still living and work* ing on the farm where he was born. “Ninety years old, eh?” said th< tourist. j “Yes.” J J “Is his health good?” “ ’Tain’t much now. He’s been coni’ plainin’ for a few months back.” J “What’s the matter with him?," “I dunno; sometimes I think farming don’t agree with him I ” .V-: DIARY OMISSION. 1 | Press Agent—Say, there’s a bunch of people outside waiting tq see you. Among them is a bishop who says he married you some time ago. j Film Star—Gee, I’m practically cer-i tain I never married a bishop. Bobby: A little bird told me what kind of a lawyer your father is. % Johnny: What did the bird say?! , Bobby: Cheap, cheap. - ' John: Well, a duck told me what kind of a doctor your father is !