Obstacles to Marriage.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 325, 15 December 1888, Page 6

Obstacles to Marriage.

—-"-- "W r^ statistics are to be be* ,-" £~\ X \ lieved, then undoubtedly C§lP*gsk | marriages are on the deFF 1 ' 'PPmT § crease. The shoals of p> ' t letters constantly appear. >^O? ps^k ii n q - in tjj e press recently ' Wwkwvtw 'V \ un(^ er various headings HfflK^l mch aB <Why don ' fc tho ''jßmnfft %\ men propose,' etc., bear wlifimm jy witness to the same thing, no proposals, meaning, of course, no marriages. Many people seem inclined to make fun of this, but all thoughtful persons must agree with mo that ib is really no laughing matter, but rather one that calls for investigation and alteration. If the cause of the deoea&e were a falling away Irom an unusually high average of former years, then it would not cause any, or at any rate very much, alarm. Hut this ib not the case. On the contrary, the former averuges — upon which the mo->b recently published onet, thow suoli a marked decrease, instead of being reroaikably high -showed, unless mj memory deceives me, a falling ofV on onet> previous to them again. The unpleasant tact, cannot be explained away. That tliei c i>- a lamentable and unsatisfactory dei rea&e in the numbers of maniages taking place in pioportion to our growing population is certain. To discover tho cause of ati^ owl is the first step towards its cine. Until the physician knows what occasions a di-eat-e he does nob know how to properly treat it. Let us therefore endeavour to a&ceitam the causes, or sonic of them, of thirf deciea«<e in matrimony. What is the great obstacle debarring the union of our young men and women '' Onro let us discover the obstacle, and there is a chance of remo\ing it Once let up gee to know the reasons that young men have for not proposing, and there is a possibility of convincing them of then wrong piocedure, and inducing them to do the one thing' needful, or, in olhe; word-, to pop the question. \Vhat then, after duo investigation, do I regard a» thcgicatestobsiacluh to nun i u.ge.i'. Not eKces-ive shyness on tho pail of oui young men us some allege. Tin- i-*, to u&t* a not over polite Yankee phra-c, ' all bunkum.' Australians ha\e so much chceic in every othci direction that I cannot peimade myself, try as 1 may. that thr\ ha\c a lacking hi this particular, "schhev do 1 feel disputed to attribute the >c.i!Cit_y ot propo«aL^, as some ungallaniK mo, to tin extravagance in dress, etc., of our colonia la&tOb. That we ha\e giddy irul 1 - o- u ell nbuber ones, vain and showy maiden- :i.> v>cli jis modest, I readily admit ; but J deny fh.i Australian girls are any more marked in thircpect than thu^e of other rounti ie^ \\ v lnust look farther toi the ical cau-e of th mischief, for puch it undoubtedly h. A lew may be detei red from marrying In tlie above reasons, but so few that the docrea.se referred to cannot be accounted lor. Atter having devoted .1 con*iJ"Kibl * amount of thought to the sublet. I h'ivc come to the conclusion that the lolluwino aro .several ol the things that rise up athe stronge-t barriei'd between \oung men and marriam? : — (1), low salaries : i' 2) expensive liwng : (3), pnde : (4), paicutal interference ; and (o), not sufficient opportunities for making one another .s acquaintanco in the ca-e of marriageable person 1 -. Let us look into these reasons one by one.

1. — Low Salaries. — Manyextremely well dressed young men, and well educated aho, are in receipt oi veiy small salaties — not moie than enough, they allege, to keep themselves decently. This probably is so in many instances, but decidedly not so with the majority of thoso who make this excuse. I have it on the authoiity of several young married men who had these scruples at one time thai they can get along nicely, and dress and live as well, or nearly po, on the same salary now np befoit; marriage. Many of the youiv^ men vho plead a small salary as a justification for avoiding matrimony pay not less than £1 per week for hoard and lodgings alone. Why, bless me ! that will pay the rent for a comfortable little cottage and leave eight or nine shillings a week ovei for household and other requirements. With this, and what she would save or cause her husband to save in other directions, a good young housekeeper (and there are more girls who are this in embryo than not) would get along famously I am sine.

2.— Expensive Living— Most young- men about the city with small s-alaries have unfortunately got into an expensive way of Jiving. Cigars, etc.. form by far too large 'an item in their expenditure. Smoke and drink are the barriers between the^e a d marriage. They love cigars, and porr or sherry, more than Kate, Rose or Nellie, whom they could make supremely happy if they but would, and who could make them very happy in return. These young men certainly cannot both marry and keep u p their fast and expensive ways of living; and because they will not give up the latter, and not as is most unfairly alleged, because all the marriageable girls ot their acquaintances are extravagant, they do not marry.

3. — Vkxde. — Social pride prevents many, Again, from uniting hands and hearts ab the Hymeneal altar. They will not take upon fchainselves the sacred duties of husbauda Hod wives jusc because tney want to begin housekeeping in grand stylo when they d«» ETheir parents peiliaps have a very mo« ttomo, Bomo of their relatives elegantly furnished apartments; and ial^e piide makes them feel that they cajmot consent to make a start untill they cau make a.s hue a show as these. They forget that \ery often their parents or relatives began life humbly. Bub uven if they didn't, that is no reason why jshcy shouldn't. Better begin in a threecobmed and quietly-furnished cottage than nofc at all. Ever so lowly a home is preferable to no home at aIL And if one's girl be made of the right kind of stuff she will feel like that also.

4. — Pakentai* ItfXKßi''ivKi:jsrrc. — That parents should have the power to interfere when the future welfare of their child is concerned I do not for a moment dispute ; but it is nevertheless a fact that manyparents by their unwi3e interference ruin j bheir children's happiness in thi.s direction fc>r life. I know of many instances in tfhich girls are now 'on the shelf ' solely because of this interference. Parents have iv right 1o see to it, that the young man Jirho seeks a daughter's hand has a good moral character, is of sober and industrious habits, and can decently support a wile. If he is and can do all this, they should not demand more. It i% nicer tor a daughter to marry a rich than a poor man, of course ; bub then, all cannot so marry, can they ? * Young peoplo should always marry above them,' the writer once heard a father fey to a son who was about to make, what fche old man considered, a poor match. ' What if those they wanted to marry should feel the same though,' the young man queried. 'If everybody Mould only marry somebody above themselves,' he conBinned, *I reckon that nobody would £jet married.' ; The young man was- right. What ho Baid was true. ' None should ever tually marry below themselves in moral chaiactcr, if jxrasttrt 0 ' 'But the mereipostop&ion of

i wealth dpps rjpjjjjlaqe, ,or nob always place one young man onworoan abo\ c another. 1 know young fellows with plenty of money that X would give my daughter to with, much more lelnctance tbuu to other young 1 men 1 know with not o\cr- large salaries, buu who are greatly the .superiors of the others in all other respects. Theto was a amount of common benfu in what Thrmistocles once said to a parent seeking his advice on this subject. ' 1 would rather bestow my daughter,' said he, ' upon a man wit.ho.ub mouoy than upon money without; a man.' Those parents who are ho anxious about bheir children marrying woll would act wisely in considering the Athenians words.

O. — INSUFFICIENT OI'F'ORTLXITIKS for making one another's acquaintance in fine case of marriageable person 1 -. To piovido these newspapers are piinircl in vatious parts of the world, -winch ate entirely devoted to the multiplication of oppot (.unities of acquaintance between mat uageable people. I cannot pay that i altogether approve of this method of making acquaintance, although I imit-t admit that I know of excellent matches that have been thus made. That something should be done in this direction, however, I. am assured of. Horace Bushnell favour:-! the e-Lablwh-ment of a thoroughly lopect.tbh conducted organisation for the purpose of (•Meeting introductions, paving tli-* way to marriage, etc Dr. Joseph. Cook, the celebrated Boston lecturer, also leans strongly in that direction. So do other eminent inca who have devoted much thought to the subject. Certainly everything- should be done that can legitimately be done to make it ea&ier for marriageable persons to become ac quainted wifch each other. I would, if I could, make not only mothers 'matchmakers, 3 but fathers, relatives, and frienda also. To illustrate what I mean — supposing Iknowtwoyouug people, quite unacquainted with each other, whom I have every reason to believe would make a very happy couple, it should be my duty to bring* thorn together if possible. Something must be done, that is evident What this will be I will now leave others te decide. I have sketched out what I con aider to be name of the chief causes of th< growing scarcity of marriages, and hay« also hinted, though perhaps rather vagnelj aud in definitely, at what I consider remedie* for it ; aud having 1 done this must now brin& my article to a close.