Chronicle Cullings.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 181, 4 December 1886, Page 7

Chronicle Cullings.

The earth has only one crust. No wonder it kicks against it. Dressmakers are responsible for a good deal of the bustle of the world. Although not much talked about, the postage stamp is on everybody's tongue! Judging from the tightness of the article, it isn't every girl that can laugh in her sleeve nowdays. " Very few musicians," says a writer, "have any regard for time." That ia true—their own time or anybody else's. The stump orator is more like a balloon than anything G)?e, The balloon comes down flat enough when the gas escapes. A Philadelphia man has a nose so red that when he opens his eyes slowly in the morn* ing he imagines that he sees the sun rising. A nautical view- Mamma — " Don't you: know that your father is the mainstay of the family?" Freddy— " Golly, ain't he* though, and the spanker, too." A lunatic in Buffalo is afflicted with the hallucination that he is a baseball umpires. His insanity probably dates from a severe assault. In the excavation of Pompeii a man was found on his hands and knees. We were not aware that the collar button was of auch early origin. "My uncle is a «ailor," sings a poet. If this i8 not a more flight of fancy, this poet s relative is in a very different business from the " uncles " oi most poets. " Mamma didn't you say if this dolly got broke somebody would have to be spanked?" " Yes, I did." -'Well, dollyv broke her head to-day. Just spank her." "I hope, Johnny," said the Sundayschool teacher to her new scholar, •• that > our parents are good Christians." " Well,, ma is, ' replied Johnny, " an' pa used to 03 but I guess he is a little out of practice now." A cordial imitation.m itation. Scene, front I> > ' Time 12 o'clock Sunday night. She — "Say, George, when are you coming again?" He -"Oh, I'll be here Monday night." "Say, George, can't you come before Monday ?" A correspondent sends us an article entitled " How to Manage a Wife." The manuscript has a vexed and disjointed leok, as though the writer had broken off several times to dodge a broomstick. "John," said a miserly old fellow to his eon, " can't you stop walking about ? You will wear youv thoes out." John sits down. " Well, what are you sitting down for t Do you want to wear your pants out ?" Young ladies at the theater who wiph to make themselves really Bolid with the young men in the seats behind them will persuade the milliner to put a pair of opera glasses half way up in the crown of their lofty hats. Things one would rather have left unsaid. The Professor — " How singularly you and your brother resemble each other, Miss Angelina." Miss Angelina — " Is that x compliment to nay brother or a compliment to me?" "Oh, a compliment to neither, I assure yon." A physician says that hair is a conductor of oltsctricity to the brain, and if the brain fails to get electricity it will soften. This startling theory is calculated to create a boom in the wig industy. A bald-headed man shouldn't run such a direful risk when he can get a wig for £5. The St Louis " Ohronicle " pathetically remarks that a wife should be like toast* lamb — tender, sweet, nicely dressed, plenty of fixing, but without sauce,, And the natural inferonce is that the editor considers that the mint that usually goes to make the eauce should form their basis of a julep for himselt. Jenkins (to Jones)—" Why don't you run for the Legislature?" Jones— " Oh, never thought anything about it." "You could be elected." "You don't think so." 1 11 1 know it." Note from Jones in the next* morning's paper — " In a desire to yield to> many friends I hereby announce myself as. as a candidate for the Legislature I havO) not sought this office, but ana compelled t<k* yield to my friends."

The Port Darwin Gold-Mining Company is announced with a capital of £100,000* The company v ill purchase the Howloy mine for £70,000. The Enda (Western Australia) L<rad an* Pastoral Company has been registered with, capitaV of £150,000. a