Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 1074, 11 September 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

B y n X 9

Anne Rahedpe

Attisa Anno IZutledg o with answer letters in this column every Thurst day An accomplished writer an ardent feminist , a student of human nature and a wide traveller she <6 well fitted for the tas/c Thosi who have problems and tac/c c confidante to help in their solution may with confidtmce write to Alist Rutledge whose knowledge will bt placed at their disposal A sym pathetio woman, she will assist chose who stand in need of assist ance Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to TUB SUN office

THE LEGACY | Dear Miss Rutledge,—■ ! I have inherited about £-'OO, which | I want to use in some way to bring me I immediate happiness. I have never I possessed very much, and have not I travelled at all and, generally speak- \ ing, am badly in need of the “tonic” I that extra income provides. Being young and well qualified to provide for ! the future, I do not feel like putting the money into a bank, yet there is always the thought of a “rainy day/’ i t have talked of cars, and looked at I homes, also studied the sailings of boats for abroad, but, being a free ! agent, will welcome any of your suggestions. DENNIS. ANSWER There was an old woman—she did not live in the proverbial shoe—who lived in a house which she carefully bolted and barred night and day, yet she would never have dreamed of going to bed without first praying fervently for protection. Most of us recognise the necessity to exercise certain precautions with regard to our affairs, yet, as with the old woman, this is sometimes overdone according to our faith. Since you know wliat it means to go without, why not* 1 invest half the money sensibly for the future, and with the other half take a pleasant, economical trip abroad which will broaden your outlook upon life, and give you the pleasure you feel entitled to? ; Of course, you could buy a pretty bungalow with a glorious view, and look out upon the world with a certain feeling of security and possession; or you could purchase a touring car with camping equipment, and do some sightseeing “next to nature.” Such possessions will undoubtedly be yours as a matter of course, if you build for the future, as you suggest, and invest the other money in the right channel. But, here let me ; add a word of warning. “Building for 1 the future” means much more than ju3t t the question of how many houses you | may possess, or what type of car you will run. We fill our homes with this and ; that, erect a new “bach” at the beach, and indulge our sense of luxury in extravagant entertainment, imagining that ' we are better men and women as a result, it sometimes takes us a long time to realise how much we can become the slaves of our possessions; how subtly and i surely wo find ourselves servants to ; things miant to serve us. All of which ! goes to prove that although there is a i great deal to be said in favour of the good things of life, there is much to be said against them, especially if pride of possession and misguided ambition gains too great a hold blotting out man’s true | inheritance—priceless gifts, not wrought j by hands. ANNE RUTLEDGE. KEPT AT HOME j Dear Miss Rutledge, — I am 17, and have never written to J J r ou before, but trust that you can help me now. My father keeps a shop in which mother helps, when the boy is out on the orders, and when the customers come in, she talks to them. Recently, a customer told mother a j lot of gossip concerning me and my boy friends, which was mostly untrue. Now, lam not allowed to go out, and as I have a friend who wishes to ; see me, I would like to know how to ' overcome the difficulty. INNOCENT. j ANSWER You are very young to be arranging to 1 meet boys without your mother’s conj sent, arid if you continue to flirt a wav your spare time in feather-headed company, you are asking for trouble in more ways than one. I think you would be wise to turn your spare hours to good account and think of the future, when you grow to womanhood, and long to possess personality and a respected position in the community. In the fable of the grasshopper and the ant, Ave find that because the grasshopper played all the summer through, giving no thought to the approach of winter, he found himself hungry with nothing to eat. The energetic and persevering ants would have little to do with him, even though he came to them begging for food. They did not hesitate to remind him of the way thev had worked and stored away food while the sun was shining, and there was plenty to be had. Youth is the time of sunshine, when the hours are full of promise, and there are many who should profit by the wonderful example of the ambitious little ant. . As you grow older, you will forget such petty happenings as those mentioned ! above and not allow them to cloud your J mentality. Your mother, who will always be your best friend, will tell you It how full of purpose life is, and how unwise you are to allow precious time to drift. Get busy in the right direction, and as VV. M. Taylor puts it, ‘‘Bind together your spare hours by the cord of some definite purpose.” ANNE RUTLEDGE. LOVE COMES ALONG! Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have been reading your answers, and think .that your solutions are very wise and helpful. lam very worried just now, and hope that you can help me. A man whom I respect, but have not an atom of love for, is exceptionally keen to marry me, and says that he loves me very much indeed. Is it considered at all possible In these very modern days for love to come after marriage? I have a fair idea of life, but think that if I ventured I would be taking too great a risk. I know full well that, before the war, our fathers and mothers knew very little of each other before marriage, and yet these marriages of now called old-fashioned folk were mostly successful. WORRIED. ■4 A.S' IVEIZ I do not advise any woman to mate i with a man she does not love. Courtship is one thing, and marriage is anctlier, and no matter how enduring and true a man’s affections and attentions may appear before the knot is tied, they do not always come up to the mark afterwards. Marriage is so often the dispeller of dreams, the destroyer of Illusions, and however we may try to whitewash disappointments in this direction, the fact remains that it is much too risky an experiment unless there is deep and abiding love on both sides to begin with. It never does to give rein to one’s imagination where marriage is concerned. Wo live in a different age to that of our parents, and our ideas differ very radically from theirs. Many a marriage in that generation was based merely on respect, and after settling down to the long pull of life, the couple were reasonably happy. But we have all travelled far since then. 2 do not think it possible to lay down

any hard-and-fast rules about marriage, for lovo should play the greater part. However, it woud appear that most young people are lamentably ignorant regarding the responsibilities of a union, and the problem of sex, and its vital relationship to their future happiness, and the time is now ripe to shed some light on the subject, and organise schools for husband and wife welfare, as well as baby welfare, so that people can be taught, how to live, instead of just existing as in many cases. Although your position is complex. 1 do not think that you have real cause for worry. Why not continue the friend-si-.ip. and hope for the best as time goes by? [ should lay special emphasis on “hope,” for it is possible to fall in love overnight, and this might easily happen to you. ANNE RUTLEDGE. A MASCULINE DAUGHTER Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have an only daughter, who has just turned 19. She is a lovely girl with many fine qualities, but is so masculine in her. inclinations that I am perplexed and worried as to her future. It has always been my ambition that my daughter should grow into a distinctly feminine woman and, of course, it looks as though l am to be We live in the country and she would far rather help her father to break in a horse than entertain with me in the home. She does not care one jot for fashion and goes about dressed in riding breeches and gaiters like a man. Can you suggest anything to help matters? DISTURBED. ANSWER I do not think that it really matters much as long as your daughter is healthy, and a good girl. If she were vain and frivolous, ready to sell her soul so that she might follow the dictates of fashion, you would have something to complain about. As it is. she is blessed with certain independence of thought which results in her following her natural instincts and the hazards o\ venturesome tasks, rather than concern as to whether “leg o’ mutton” sleeves or “roast beef” flounces will be the latest revival for modern dress. I can sympathise with you for having an eye to the future and agree that the modern girl needs to be better equipped if she is going to make a success of marriage. She needs to be practical, to know how to cook, to sew and the science of housecraft and housewifery. She should have a knowledge of nursing, interior decoration and what not. and should be well-informed on all questions pertaining to maternal activities. She also has a much better chance of making a success of things if she is “at home” in a drawing room, and able to converse in the well-bred, interested tones that immediately hold and entertain the listener, than if she obviously wears the mask of boredom and is as out of place as a bull in a china shop. Of course your daughter is young and later on may have given up her mannish habits. A sweetheart might change her ideas considerably, or you could try to get her interested in some form of sport such as golf, swimming or tennis, that would throw her into the company of other girls. Do not try to suppress her ideas by nagging and if you And that she really has some outstanding talent for farming, architecture, engineering, etc., take my advice and drop your feminine ambitions overboard. Give her plenty of encouragement, the best professional training procurable, and speed her on the uphill grade to success. The world needs brains—masculine or feminine. ANNE RUTLEDGE. IN BRIEF ANSWER TO “ B.L By all means take the new job, and go for your life so that this girl cannot see your heels for dust. When you are settled in the other town, try to become acquainted with a nice girl who will help you on in life. This little thought may assist you over the rough places in the road: “Dust, by its very nature, can rise only just so high above the road: and the birds that fly higher never have it on their wings.” ANNE RUTLEDGE.