Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 664, 16 May 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By . {

Anue R

- T - Alisa Anna Rutledge will answer letters m this column every Thursday Ait accomplished writer , an ardent feminist, u student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted tor the 'ash. Those who have problems ana tack a confidante to help tn their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge , whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman she will assist those who stand tn need o] assistance Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office

OFT IN THE STILLY NIGHT Dear Miss Rutledge.— My young baby continually keeps my husband and myself awake at nights with his crying. As I uphold the laws of the Plunket Society, I do not wish to give him a comforter, although nothing else seems to pacify him. My husband frequently wakes up in the morning in a bad temper owing to a broken night’s rest, and makes things most unpleasant, holding that other wives and mothers manage things more sensibly. Shall f purchase the dummy, and spoil the baby in order to gain peace and harmony in the home; or must I allow the strained relationship to continue between my husband and myself? DISTRACTED MOTHER. ANSWER While being- a very great admirer of the Plunket system of child rearing, it has been my experience that there are

I occasions when a mother should use her own judgment. If you carefully diagnose your baby's symptoms, it is probable you will arrive at the conclusion that your baby is hungry. It is probi ably in need of an extra meal during the night. All babies are not alike, some needing more sustenance than others. No ! healthy, normal infant should cry at j night. I Take my advice, and give the child ; a good satisfying meal just before you retire. Do not resort to the habit of a i germ-carrying- dummy. Quite naturally your husband is affected by his loss of sleep. It is a very difficult thing for a man to face the world and 1 be a successful “breadwinner” if his ; rest at night is considerably disturbed. ! At the same time, if it is your first baby, j he should make reasonable allowance, j Why no keep baby with you in another i change of routine, and you have over- ! come the present difficulty? ANNE RUTLEDGE. MR. STAY-AT-HOME Dear Miss Rutledge.— Is it the wife’s duty to take her 1 husband out for pleasure, or his duty j to take her out with the family sometimes? I have always had to go out alone during all my married life, and I as I don’t go out very often, wonder if I have done the right thing in battling along, alone with the children in this fashion. Would you kindly advise? WORN-OUT. A NSW Eft Surety you are lacking in wisdom to ? uffer your husband’s neglect so cheerfully, for it is unusual, and reflects bad taste on the husband’s part, when the wife is forced to go out alone From the very beginning of your married life, you should have encouraged your husband to co-operate with you in

! taking outings together just as you did i in the days of courtship. Now that you j 1 have allowed him to form the bad habit of staying at home, while you drag the family around, you are certainly faced with a vexing problem. Your husband is missing the big investment of his life. No man who is a real pal to his wife; who has learned the secret of “keeping the right step” in double harness, will deny that the dividend he receives in return is indeed precious. A wife with smiling eyes is a golden speculation, and women, sharing more than one characteristic of the parrot family, bend their heaJds in sublime joy if their “polls are scratched" tenderly bv a man's hand. It is such an easy matter to study the mechanics of a wife's mind. She is really a very simple : creature at heart, and a compliment here ; and there, a little interest in the house--1 keeping arrangements, will practically j j revolutionise the humdrum routine of j Then what about the responsibility of 1 the little ones? Who is more suited to deal firmly with wilful young minds than the father of the family? Who, but the j father has the right experience of life to ; save the young feet from falling into the ! thorny bushes and pitfalls of a rugged, winding road? A man can get on a real “chummy ' ; footing with his children when they are , small, hut let them grow away from him, | and he has missed the golden opportunity , of a lifetime: , ! I believe that it is not too late to make your husband see these truths, if you apply yourself to the task in the light spirit. Try to appeal to his sense of fairness and true sportsmanship. ANNE RUTLEDGE. WHO IS REALLY HAPPY? Dear Miss Rutledge,— Is complete happiness really pos- j sible? Whenever anything has hap- j pened along in my life to bring me I real happiness, something else cropped up to spoil it, proving that I have been only experiencing a Fool’s Paradise. Perhaps you can tell me who is really happy? Is it a matter of position or wealth, or just one's outlook upon life? MARY. ... AXSWER Well, Alary, 1 can tell you that this life for celebrities and financial magnates is just the same as it is for Bill the plumber or Kitty the cook-general. Even if riches are a magic wand preserving such people from the pinch of necessity at times, these people certainly experience the scourge of disappointment and disease, also the sorrow of heartache. We live in a strange world. Tragedies flaunt themselves, grim, menacing, if we choose to look their way. Disease and poverty would shout from the housetops, and the fearful hazards of material life stalk our pathway, if we allowed ourselves to dwell upon them! But we don’t, and \ye won’t. We know too well that it is a

! man's right to be happy and. all boiled | down, it is just a matter of the kind of i appetite he has. Some of us like to sip our pleasures, to nibble at simple ‘ ' joys, just as we might choose to nibble , at a delicious savoury. This is one way to get real flavour out of life. Others take their diversions at one gulp. Their palate is seldom appeased, and they d<* not find the right way. very often, of getting the most out of life. Mothers, i often appearing harassed and concerned j over their wee ones, really find life a fairly satisfying meal. Perhaps they do not always admit it, but watch a mother. , nursing her baby. Study a good mother when she is ministering to her loved ones!__ Why? Because her secret is the j joy of true service and self-de.niaJ. and. , | Mary, you will find that the mothers of ! this life know more about happiness than I most of humanity. We must express the ' beautiful thoughts of creation in our daily j life, before we can taste of real happiANXE RUTLEDGE. “I DO NOT LIKE THEE. DR. FELL” | Dear Miss Rutledge,— ! lam hoping that you can give me really helpful advice about a little matter that is troubling me. A girl whom I haven’t met, I dislike very much, although she is quite unaware of the fact. It would take too.long to go into details, and it doesn’t really matter. I have a chance of doing her a good turn. It would do her no harm if I didn’t, but might add greatly to her happiness if I did. My dislike j is so great, and I would have to put j myself out a great deal, that I do not I really want to. But again, I feel I | cannot let the chance go of helping anyone, for I should regret it I am sure. If I do it, it will be for that reason, and I feel it is the wrong spirit. I have worried a lot and tried to bring a more kindly feeling into the matter, but the reason for my dislike will pop its head up all the time. CHARITY. ANSWER As you do not go into detail, or mention the facts of your problem, 1 presume that my answer must be based on principle. Lift your mind high above the weaknesses of humanity, and ask yourself: What is right? What is truth? 'You will then realise that “dislike” has no worthy foundation, and will melt away in the reaction of fright thinking. Actions are usually the expression of thoughts, and “by their works ye shall know them.” Happiness is contagious, and there is no knowing the ultimate harmonious effect of a kindly word or action, dropped into life’s arena. ANNE RUTLEDGE.