MIXED HIS CUES

Sun (Auckland), Volume 1, Issue 92, 9 July 1927, Page 21

MIXED HIS CUES

Bob Jenks upon his wedding day Was a most excited creature; He handed his bride the marriage fee And tried to kiss the preacher.

Hushed Banquet.—“ What was the Offer like last night?” very quiet; we had neither soup nor after-dinner speakers.”

Literal Translation.—“He was pennitill he married that movie queen.” ‘Sort of ‘hitched his waggon to a star,* eh ?”

Wicket To Fall.—Village Captain frying new bowler): “Do you think you can bowl this fellow out?” Bowler: “Don’t you worry; ’e’ll go ° u t, if it’s on a stretcher. I ’ates the s »ght of that bloke!”

Danger To Someone. —Doris: “You mustn't kiss baby. Mother says it isn’t sanitary.” Betty: “Poor little thing. Why don’t you wash it?”

• • • Tariff Wanted Urgently.—Father: * Bee the chancellor is likely to tax *ine very heavily.” loung Hopeful: “Does that include ipecacuanha, dad?”

A Soothsayer.—Temperance Orator: is there anything that causes more Misery than drink?” *oice from the Back: “Thirst!”

.Spring Flight.—Mistress: “Mary, I l mnk it’s time a beginning was made u ”th the spring cleaning. What will you start on first?” Mary: “’Andin in my notice!”

Very Rare.—Customer: I would like to see some good second-hand cars? Salesman: So would I.

Stick This on Your Mirror.—Marriage is that part of a girl’s life that comes between the lipstick and the broomstick.

*j * * Betrayed His Confidence.—Tom: What do you mean by telling Dot I’m a fool? Harry: I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was a secret.

A Sure Sign.—Father: Has Jane gone to the dance yet? Mother: She must have. Most of her clothes are here.

Height of Monotony.—“l always maintained,” declared Charles, “that no two people on earth think alike.” “You’ll change your mind,” said his fiancee, “when you look over our wedding presents.” New Edition.—Apollo, we read in the encyclopaedia, was worshipped by the Romans as the god of the sun, medicine, divination, arhery. poetry, beauty, pastures, music, youth, fruits, and prophecy. His name hae recently been changed to Benito Mussolini.

Quite Impossible.—ln a small village a new letter-box ha#s been installed, causing much comment among the village children as to whom it belonged.

“It must be the minister’s” said one little lad. “It can’t be,” contradicted a.nother, “don’t yaw see what it says on it—‘No collection on Sundays’?”

Bad Company^—A well-known artist rolled into a London club bar obviously under the influence of drink. A friendly member took him in hand and told him he would have to pull himself together. The budding genius answered,

“Yes, I am a darned fool. In fact. I am one of those chaps my father always wanned me against.”

Sure Enough.—Doctor: It’s a girl. Pater: Are you sure? M.jD.: Carn’t you hear the darned thing ?

A Give-Away.—She: Huh! You can’t tell me you’ve never kissed another woman.

He: I know it—you’ve had too much experience.

Blame the Movies: “Just one little kiss before I go.”

“Well, you’ll have to make it snappy. Father will come home in about an hour.”

Enduring.—“ Yes sir-ee. I bought this hat two years ago. Had it cleaned twice, exchanged it in a restaurant once, and it still looks as good as new.”

Stiffening.—“ The doctor says baby’s doing fine, but he must have more starch in his food.”

“Great! Well let him chew some of my old collars.”

Not Too Fussy.—“ For a man who belongs to such an aristocratic family, I can’t say that I think so much of Hubert’s table manners.”

“That’s right—he acts as if he was born with a silver knife in his mouth.”

Kind Words.—Charlotte: My fiance’s birthday is next week, and I want to give him a surprise. What would you suggest? Martyne: Tell h>m your real age! Did She See It?—A department store was offering handsome silver platters in a “coupon for a dollar” sale as premiums for holders of ten coupons. One day toward the end of the sale a lady presented an astonished clerk with 96 coupons, demanding nine platters. He retired for a hasty conference with the manager and in a moment returned.

“Madam,” said he, “we have only two platters left, but if you will purchase four dollars’ worth more of goods we can build you a trough.”