PEEPS INTO THE FUTURE

Stratford Evening Post, Volume I, Issue 81, 14 March 1931, Page 3

PEEPS INTO THE FUTURE

By Dudley Clark

“XT’S a nmi thins.” said Mr. WoodA gevy, “but'X notice they always bring out these here propheteei ins alman,a,cks just when I in staiiing to catch my first had, winter cold. ",1 don’t buy ’em myself, of course; but Mrs. Oddshody next door has ’em every year regular and lends ’em to n;v married daughter. Not being able to* get to my newspapers at the public library, I’m naturally forced to improve my mind with whatever- happens to be. lying about. By the time I’ve got as far as what, s. going to ■hopnen in April I’ve begun to wonder whether it’ll'be worth while getting well. . . , ‘‘Then my natural bright nature assorts itself and points out that all the tribulations and disasters named 'either won’t happen at all or will happen to somebody else —so taking it all round the horrorscopes,. as they rightly call .’cm, do me more good than anything. Anyway, I’d rather have one of my bad colds than what’s going to happen in Brazil. At least j think it’s Brazil; they seem to get worse horroscopes there .than anywhere. and if they do. It’s no more than they deserve. The last lot of their nuts I had were a disgrace. “Mrs. Oddsbody’s one of those females that’ll believe anything’s going to happen so lopg as it’s had enough. Last year Qddshody wanted to have a happy , day in Breezy Boulogne, or whatever they call it on the poster, but she , wouldn’t go because one of them almanacks had prophesied an upheaval In Europe, so they went to Epping Forest instead. STUNG ELY A WASP

"Of course, Europe never upheaved, and Mrs. Oddsbody got stung by a wasp in Bdding Forest, and Oddsbody lost his false teeth and fo,un,d lumbago through crawling about after them. ' , „ "I often think I'd have done well as a weather prophet, because I could always feel it in my bones when there was an east wind about, and ■ Negretti and Zambraiput together couldn't •prophesy rain quicker than my left shoulder-blade does. There's salaries attached to it, and what with that and no doubt a nice bit extra for the 'secondary depressions' and things they sell "to the 8.8. C., some of them weather prophets must be rolling m money. •• , '■•"••• •• '-' "Having been born honest, on tne distaff side, I've never taken much stock in what you might call the fantastical sort of .prophet, though there's profits of another sprt in that, too, from what I've seen of it. - "A woman's only got to dress herself like a gpysy, and hundreds of peopleUl make appointments and pay her to' tell them,they had. whoopingcough in their youth and that they 11 probably have a good time later on iVthey cultivate self-reliance and take care not to cross the water on a Friday. -,■■' ■■' "They have them sort sometimes at church bazaars, because charity covers a multitude of sins. Last time I was at a bazaar was when I had a temporary job as church caretaker, Dot through any fault of my. own but due to my daughter's interference and disregard of my delicate state, gi health. HAD MY FORTUNE TOLD "I was there on the strict understanding that reasonable refreshment and all entertainments waa to be free, and you can understand that by the end of the third, .day I.felt I never

wanted to see'another plate of ham and tongue or fruit salad. : "L.didn't get so much leisure ;asl l was entitled,.to, owing to my daughter- being there most of the time, but I had two pr three goes at most of the entertainments, such as they were, and then, not to miss anything, I gave the ladyfor tune-toiler a..turn. "There she was in flowing robes and a long veil over her face, looking like a. cross between a gypsy queen and one of them ladies that live in Turkish harum-scarums. She held my hand quite a long time, which is not objectionable when done in a good cause,' and I've no fault to find with what she said about my future good fortune except that it hasn't come true yet." ' "Naturally, having it all done for nothing, 1 patted her hand a bit, and guessing I was old enough to.be her father, I chUcked her under the chin, which is what a proper gpysy girl expects. Unfortunately, not being a proper gypsy girl, but a female cousin of the vicar's and well over fiftyi' as I saw when she jumped up and tore her veil, there was unpleasantness, though as I told them, I hadn't asked for the. job. , "No, I don't have any truck with prophets in my old age, 'cepting now and then with those as prognosticates in the papers about the 3.3,0. And if I was to tell you all I thing about them, I'd be a lot hoarser than what 1 am now."