Original Verse

Southland Times, Issue 23658, 5 November 1938, Page 4 (Supplement)

Original Verse

For a first poem this is good, Cousin Lorna. I like the repetition of the first two lines, but I think it might be better if you concentrated on simple verses of four lines until you understand rhythm, and have had more experience in verse-writing. < SNOW Snow! Snow! Snow! Snow! Wherever I go. When I walk along the street, I disturb a crystal sheet. Snow! Snow! Snow! Snow! Wherever I go. Now the long nights draw near, For three months of the year. Inside there is a fire bright, It is such a peaceftd sight. ' When I scramble from my bed, I go outside, the snow to tread. Snow! Snow! Snow! Snow! Wherever I go. It is ful.'of mystery As it slowly falls on the ground, Snow! Snow! Snow! Snow! Wherever I go. —3 marks to Cousin Lorna Skeoch (12), 206 Spey street. You have some idea of metre,: Cousin Cicely, but the first line is shorter than the others and makes a poor beginning to the poem. Could you change the wording ofthe last line? BAIN Pit, pit, pit, pit, On the window pane,, Little raindrops sit, Playing with the hail. • Dainty little bubbles, Glistening in . the sun, Pippety, pop, pop, pop, Burst do they, one by one. —2 marks to. Cousin Cicely Barton (11), Half Moon Bay, Stewart Island. This is a good effort, Cousin Iris. The last two lines of the second verse are difficult to read, and could be improved. BY THE SEASHORE \ “Will you take a walk with me?” “Yes, where shall we go?” “Down beside the big''blue sea, Where the billows blow. 7 “See the waves a-tossing here, - Up upon the sand. , Hear the sailors shouting, ‘We’re Sailing from the land.’ “See the seagulls flying o’er Breakers white with foam. Would you like to see some more, Or shall we now go home?” —3 marks to Cousin Iris Winsloe (13), Merrivale R.D., Otautau. Well done, Cousin Doris. You are wise to try single verses first and make sure that they are correct. The second one would be better written as a prose sentence, as, apart from the rhyme it'is not poetry, BUTTERFLIES Butterflies look so pretty, When they are flying fast, They love to rest on flowers And then to flutter past. MARIGOLDS I water my garden Every day, and I say “Sweet little marigold, . Do come and play.” —3 marks to Cousin Doris Neas (10), Makarewa.