Basis Of Successful Marriage

Southland Times, Issue 23378, 9 December 1937, Page 14

Basis Of Successful Marriage

Is Respect Sufficient?

r A CONTROVERSY has been raging in American newspapers as to whether respect is a sufficient basis for marriage. S.. much interest has been taken in the subject that discussions are extending into their seventh month.

Sydney people have also been interested. Some are all in favour of love; others are all for respect; while still others believe in a blending of both. Here are some of their opinions:—

MRS. P. A. CAMERON (president of the Feminist Club): Marriage is impossible without respect. I don’t think a person, however, could marry without love. You need both. LADY WALDER: There should be love, but you cannot have love without a certain amount of respect. In my opinion anyone would be foolish to marry without love. But I would not say a successful marriage would be impossible, based on respect alone.

MISS ZELDA REED (visitor from Reno, U.S.A.): From my experience in Reno, I think marriage can be based on one thing only—genuine love. I think many people live their married lives without knowing this; they do not realise that they have missed the most important thing. A lot of marriages that are called successful are based only on respect, yet how much is missing 1

MRS. T. McVITTIE (wife of the Rev. T. McVittie, Presbyterian Minister): Respect is absolutely necessary in a successful marriage, but it is not sufficient. One might have the highest respect for a person, yet feel that marriage with that or would be unthinkable.

Love, and love only, is the basis of all happy marriages. To marry someone you do not love, however estimable that person might be, is to court disaster. n man might command the respect of the whole community because of his ability and outstanding qualities and still not have those traits of character that a happy marriage requires. There is, perhaps, a glamour surrounding people of means and position when i triage is in question, but where there is not love there cannot be happiness.

MRS. HAROLD SCHWARTZKOFF (recent bride): Respect should be based on love, but I think good companionship counts for a tremendous amount.

Lots of things are more important than money, but it is nice to know that after you- marriage you will go to a lovely home.

To have interests in common is one of the biggest factors.

MISS KAY PARKER (daughter of Mr. and Mrs. O. H. Parker, of Croydon, matron of the Yass Hospital, and the youngest matron at the fifth annual conference of hospital matrons and auxiliaries): Respect is not enough. Often very difficult circumstances have to be overcome, and without love this would not be possible. Without true love there can be no contented marriage. MATRON DE MERRALL: Respect takes precedence over money or anything else in the world. Respect, allied with mutual understanding, is the foundation for a sound married life. MRS. FLORENCE TAYLOR (president i the Arts Club): Respect itself is too cold. Love is absolutely essential in married life. If love is there, it does not matter whether a person is plain or ugly.

Of course, it is always nice to have a large banking account, but this is secondary. M.tDAME PAO (American wife of the Chinese Consul-General): Respect? Well, rf course, it must come first, but it is not sufficient. Love and understanding are also necessary. According to the nationality of the person you marry, you must adapt your life. You must know something c‘ mat person’s country and the customs of the country, and you must have an appreciation of its citizens, if you are to enjoy a successful married life. CANON J. S. NEEDHAM: Respect? No, that’s not what I got married on. I don’t think that in all my experience of giving advice to young couples I have ever asked that question.

I would not dream of giving an answer to a hypothetical problem of such a nature. I would have to know the individuals and their stability of character. LADY SNOWDEN: In addition to respect, one must have the wherewithal to live and to provide for the future as well as is possible in these troublous times. MISS MOLLIE THORPE (inter-state hockey player): Respect is not enough. I think you need a lot of money, too. You don’t need love. It doesn’t last, but money and respect do.

MRS. MOORE COSGRAVE: Yes, I think respect would be sufficient, but only for the mature-minded adult. A mind which is too juvenile cannot see around the compass. If a man loves a woman who respects him, love will follow. Respect can be a stepping stone to love. Personally, I could marry on respect, but a man would need to be full of ideals and capable of living up to those ideals. He must have ambition, and not b” content to let things take their course. Money would enter into it, for one could not respect a man who could not provide reasonable comfort for his wife.