ORIGINAL VERSE

Southland Times, Issue 22999, 19 September 1936, Page 23 (Supplement)

ORIGINAL VERSE

Cousin Daisy has grasped the idea of rhythm, but has in some places changed the grammar to fit the rhythm. For example, the last line of the second verse is quite wrong. “Willing” should, of course, be “willingly.”

THE SEA. The sea it is a lovely place, We watch the ships go past, They sail across the billowing waves, While seagulls wheel around the mast. The waves they leap about so high, That oh, it is so thrilling, It makes me dance so much, that I Could go with them so willing.

But oh, how lonesome I do feel, When ships go on without me, I shut my eyes, and cry and cry, But still to me remains the sea. —3 marks to Cousin Daisy Wilson (11), South Hillend, Winton R.D.

These little verses are carefully written and well thought out. Cousin Marjorie has written the right type of poem to suit the subject.

LAVENDER. Oh, sweet smelling flower, Where do you get your scent? Do you keep it in your bower? And is it fairies that store it there?

Of all the flowers big and small, Of all those, tall or short, You are the nicest of them all, My sweet little Lavender. —3 marks to Cousin Marjorie Day (13), Wyndham.

Cousin Elizabeth needs to be very careful with rhythm. Study each verse after you have written it, and mark where the accents fall. Watch spelling!

THE WIND. Down lanes, round corners, we hear the wind, As it comes rushing and whirling along, While people are running away home so fast, The wind is rustling its same old song.

It has such fun with the children too, _ As it starts teasing them by taking their hats, The children run fast, but not fast enough, As sly Mr Wind bustles them while they chat.

Hark! For the sound of the rustling wind, Hurling its giant wings in the breeze, Hark! For the sound is fading away, The wind’s gone to rest, with the birds in the trees. —3 marks to Cousin Elizabeth Kean (12), South Hillend R.D., Winton.

This is a very good attempt Cousin Mabel. You have studied the rules of rhythm carefully, and have written in simple language of things you have observed. Could you leave a line between verses, please?

NATIVE BIRDS. Standing o’er a shining pool, Waiting for a fish to choose, Is the hungry kingfisher, In his lovely bright red hues.

Up among the branches high, Of the greenery of our bush, Sings the silver-throated tui, As we through the bushes push.

Hopping now from tree to tree, Are the tiny native fantails, Now and then they stop to look And spread their tails like silver sails. —4 marks to Cousin Mabel Clarke (12), South Hillend R.D., Winton.

Note the unevenness of the lines, Cousin Reg, and see how you could improve these verses bj' making each line the same length as the corresponding line in the other verse.

EVENING. Swiftly now the light of day, Must shortly fade away; While in the trees, the owlets hoot, Twoo, woo, twoo woo, twoo woo.

The night is drawing nigh, The rook is soaring high, Home to his nest, To sleep the night in peace and rest. —2 marks to Cousin Reg. Paterson (9), South Hillend.

There are too many “ands” in these very short verses. They spoil the effect of the poem. You have had some experience of verse-writing Cousin Constance, and will be able to see the mistakes in the rhythm yourself. Read the poem carefully, and note where the accents fall.

THE WIND. The golding gorse is swaying, Gently to and fro, And the wind is blowing, High and low.

And the leaves are moving, In the gentle breeze. And the birds are singing, In the trees. —2 marks to Cousin Constance Lloyd (12), Nightcaps, Beaumont R.D.

This is an improvement on your last poem, Cousin Reg. The rhythm, though it is still a little uneven, is more regular. Try not to be too abrupt in your writing. MY BOOKS. I have so many books, All hung on hooks. When beside the fire, I read them at my heart’s desire.

I snuggle into my chair, And read topics of the air; Of battles and of pigs, Squealing in the gigs.

And soon I start to dose, After a spray from the hose, When a tender voice falls on my ear, “Time for bed, my dear.” —3 marks to Cousin Reg Paterson (9), South Hillend.

Your limericks are improving, though they are still not perfect. The first two are not constructed quite correctly. The others, however, are better, though the ideas are not very good. What is a “Cwy,” Cousin Margaret? Who was the writer of the first limericks? LIMERICKS.

There was once a man so bright, Whose nose was turned to the right, A strong wind blew, And now he knew, That his nose was out of sight.

There was once a girl from Japan, From home she very often ran, She came to a stack And jumped on its back, But she didn’t ride near Japan.

There was a young man from Dundee, Who once ate a great cabbage tree, He then felt so ill That he climbed up a hill, That silly young man from Dundee. 2 marks to Cousin Elsie Roy, “Elderslea,” Mossbum.

There was a young man with a poker, Who painted his face with red ochre, ' When they said “You’re a Cwy,” He made no reply, But knocked them all down with his poker. —2 marks to Cousin Margaret Kirkwood (9), South Hillend.

There was an old man of Bombay, Who took very ill one day, They gave him a pill, But still he was ill, The poor old man of Bombay. —2 marks to Cousin Constance Lloyd (12), Nightcaps, Beaumont g.p.