ORIGINAL VERSE

Southland Times, Issue 22969, 15 August 1936, Page 23 (Supplement)

ORIGINAL VERSE

The first verse of this poem is good, and should serve as a model for the other verses. If you read them carefully, you will notice where the accents fall, and see how different the metre is, to that of the first verse. THE WEATHER HOUSE. When heavy rains come pouring down, Or when the cold winds blow, Out comes the tiny weather man To greet the ice and snow. Mrs Weather-man stays inside, Till the sun does shine so bright, And as soon as clouds appear, She goes inside right out of sight. When Mr Weather-man returns He says, “It isn’t fair, You go out when the sun comes out; I stay in. You don’t care.” —3 marks to Cousin Nan Clarke (11), South Hillend-Winton R.D. Cousin Charlie has a good sense of rhythm and rhyme. For a junior cousin he writes good verse, and knows how to put his ideas on paper. OUR TEACHER. Our teacher is a very tall man, Who teaches us as hard as he can, Reading, writing, and ’rithmetic. And seldom has to use the stick. Out to the football field he goes, It’s “Boy, look out. Now mind your toes.”' At basketball he’s sure to shine. If he plays for us the girls do whine. I’m sure we’re very fortunate, Having a teache. so good and great, I hope when 1 grow up, to be A teacher wise and kind as he. —3 marks io Cousin Charlie Gordon (9), South Hillend R.D., Whiten. I am very pleased with this poem, Cousin Elva. You arc trying hard to improve vour verse, and you have some good ideas. SPRING. Said the daffodil to the primrose, “Aren't you glad the spring is here, With the warm sunshine. And gentle breezes, That make us cool and sweet. And the singing of the bellbird. And the call of the Tui. Oh, I am glad that spring is here at last." —2 marks to Cousin Elva Denoon (10), Glencoe R.D. This cousin has attempted a new rhyme pattern, and it is quite a successful effort. The ideas are good, with an effective comparison in the verses. The last verse is perhaps the weakest. ROADS. No dust and lime. At any time, Along the peaceful by-road; Just noise and roar, When cars do soar, Along the dusty high-road; Just birds and song, Without a throng, Along the peaceful by-road. No flowers and trees One always sees, Along the dusty high-road. —2 marks to Cousin Mary Lobb (13), Box 28, Edendale. Cousin Katie’s verse is improving rapidly. Congratulations. Watch your spelling, cousin of mine. FAIRIES. The fairies, I love you, As you lie On my pansies. Do come and see me, On a spring day. Fairies I love you, As you lie On my pansies. —2 marks to Cousin Katie Cox (11), Riverton. This is a dainty poem, well thought out, and well expressed. Avoid repetition of adjectives or adverbs, such as “about.” The last part of the poem is rather abrupt, and needs rewriting to continue the dainty rhythm of the first part. FLOWERS. How beautiful are the flowers, That bloom about our feet, They spread about in showers, So pleasant and so sweet. They die down in the winter, And blossom in the summer, They sparkle and glitter. In sunshine of the summer. —3 marks to Cousin Stanley Wilson (13), South Hillend R.D., Winton. Cousin Elizabeth is not too sure of metre and rhythm. The first and second verses are of the same pattern, with two feet in each line, with an extra syllable in the first and third lines. After that, however, the rhythm is uneven. Try a short descriptive poem, my cousin. THE SCHOOLBOYS’ FATE. Three happy schoolboys, Once went away, Out of the school-grounds. One Summer’s day. Out in the meadow, Under the hay, And through the grass green, Happy and gay. Reaching the creek, Putting hands out, Went for a swim, Diving about. Leaving the cool creek, Made for the school, Waiting for punishment For breaking a rule. —2 marks to Cousin Elizabeth Kean (12). South Hillend. The second of these limericks is the better cf the two. The first has one extra syllable in the first and the last line. LIMERICKS. There once was a man from Stewart Island, Who thought he could visit the Highlands, But strange to say, He lost his way, This adventurous man from Stewart Island. There was a young man called Sprout, Who thought he had caught a fine trout, But to his dismay, He lost his way, This careless young man called Sprout. —3 marks to Cousin Clara Lobb (11), Box 28, Edendale. Cousin Reg has some good ideas, but at times his thoughts are difficult to follow. What is it that hurts, in the second verse? Avoid the use of o’er, except in descriptive poems where it is necessary for correct rhythm. MY PUPPY. My puppy is so funny, He has four little paws. I know he cost me money, But he is very dear. His tail is short and stumpy, Aud black his tiny nose, His father is so grumpy, Upon my word it hurts. Young Scamp is happy always, With me he likes to play, Scrambling o’er and o’er me, Till we roll through the door. —3 marks to Cousin Reg. Paterson (9), South Hillend R.D., Winton. This is a straightforward narrative poem, and Cousin Joan has written it in simple but suitable language. The rhythm is rather shaky, but this fault will be corrected with practice. POPEYE. Popeye is a sailor, And very bold is he, He always has his pipe, Whether on land or on the sea. He is read about in books, Where he is most serene, But mostly where we see him, Is on the picture screen. —2 marks to Cousin Joan Waterhouse (11), Orepuki. This is a very good effort Cousin Iris, and the correct type of poem for a description of the modest violet. In the second line in the second verse it would be best to omit the word “a,” and the metre of the next two lines differs from the rest of the poem. The last line is incomplete. “Restful” would be the correct word to use. THE VIOLET. Down in a tiny wooded glade, Beside a stream where herons wade, ' There nods a tiny violet, In Spring’s fresh tints arrayed. It nods and bends in the cooling air, Which caresses it with a loving care, While its dainty fragrant perfume, Fills the evening air. At last it knows it’s time for rest; It droops its head upon its breast, And seeks a peaceful slumber, While all is calm and rest. _3 marks to Cousin Iris Mincher (13), Dipton.