ORIGINAL VERSE

Southland Times, Issue 22915, 13 June 1936, Page 23 (Supplement)

ORIGINAL VERSE

This is a good effort Cousin Edmund. The first verse, however, lacks reason. Read it through and you will find that neither verse really contains a complete sentence. I think you could quite easily rectify this. NEW ZEALAND. O’er her hills, her lakes, and plains; Through her woods, her glades, and dells; ’Neath the Southern Cross so high; Nature’s fairest flower here dwells. Shooting geysers, boiling pools; Shining rivers, winding streams; Prince of countries, star of seas; God on His fair country beams. —3 marks to Cousin Edmund Maloney (12), Makarewa. This would really have made a better prose paragraph than a poem, Cousin Zoe. If you read it as prose it is good, but it lacks smoothness as poetry. ITALY. Italy, the land of beauty, And the dark-skinned maidens; And land of famous people, To whom music is their duty. From the pretty peasant girl Who dances very prettily, To the rich count’s daughter, Everything is beauty. This is Italy. —2 marks to Cousin Zoe Bates (11), Clifden. There are two kinds of metre in these verses, cambric in the first and trochaic in the second. That is, when the lines are divided into feet and the accented syllables marked, you'find each foot in the first verse has one unaccented and one accented syllable, while those in the second verse have one accented and one unaccented syllable. The third and last lines are exceptions. In a short poem like this, the one type of metre should be used throughout. MY KITTEN. I have a lovely kitten \ Which lies at the door all day, Just until somebody comes, And gives it a push away. Oh, poor pussy gives a mew, As he wildly 'eaves the door, And he very carefully licks, The place that is so sore. —2 marks to Cousin Mary Stewart (11), South Hillend R.D., Winton. Cousin Kath has tried a humorous poem, but has not been too successful The idea is good, and it is quite well expressed, but the rhythm is faulty and ragged. The same rules apply to both humorous and descriptive verse. GUILTY. “Oh, he’s wicked, can’t you see? Just look! See how he looks at me, The naughty dog, mischief he has done, Just look behind him—you’ll see a bun. “Toby boy! Where did you get that? From the larder?—No, don’t get on my lap, You’ve done your worst, you naughty pup, You’re guilty—else your head would be up!” —2 marks to Cousin Kath Springford (13), 304 Yarrow street. This is a first attempt at verse, and therefore commendable, but this cousin will need to study verse formation and metre. It is not sufficient to write down the thoughts as they come into your head, they must be sorted out and put into words which will fit the rhythm of the poem. AT DAWN. The stars were clear, and jewel-like; A faint silvery vapour stood for the Milky Way, Then from over the hills so low, Gradually grew that red, shining glow, From that ball of fire so full of light. Sheep call their young, to break their fast, in the fields of dewy grass. Then is heard the cock as it crows, To let us all know that day has dawned. —2 marks to Cousin Teresa Mary Knowler (13), Lilburn, Tuatapere. The rhythm of these verses is uneven, due to the different metres used. If you find that a line, as written, does not fit in with the verse, see what you can do to change it by altering the order of the words, or expressing the thought differently. NIGHT. Still, and black, with stars and moon, Where the elves and pixies play, The fairies too come out at night, For they are busy through the day. The streets are all lit up, And the stars all shine at night, But when the snow is falling thick, We miss those stars so bright. —2 marks to Cousin Joan Waterhouse (11), Orepuki. You will need to be very careful with metre, Cousin Elizabeth. There are a few good lines; those from “In a river” to “pool” show great promise. The others are Irregular and could be improved greatly. WATER. Water is a rippling thing, And especially in a spring; It plays about in the green sea, I cannot think how that can be. In a river blue and gay, It is beautiful they say. In a puddle black and cool, Quiet and still in a pool, Every year from spring to spring, Water is a beautiful thing. —3 marks to Cousin Elizabeth Kean (11), South Hillend R.D., Winton. The errors in both these limericks occur in the last lines. There are two syllables too many in the first limerick, and one too many in the last. LIMERICKS. There was a young horse called Mick, Who always was trying to kick, He kicked at his mate, At the side of the gate, And what a silly young horse was Mick.

There was a young man from Clyde, He slipped and fell on his side. He was up with a jump, And tripped on a stump, What silly young man from Clyde. —3 marks to Cousin Imelda Kirkwood (11), South Hillend R.D., Winton.