Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 22774, 27 December 1935, Page 8

Shaun’s Patch

A Httle nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. —Hudibras.

TO AN UNKNOWN. Again, without your name revealing, Into my life you’re quietly stealing To make my Christmas sweetly scented And clothe my sleep with dreams invented But to make romance enduring. These salts will make my bath alluring And so, good friend, I thank you in all meekness For pandering so deftly to my weakness. t # Women had to be content with the back seat for so many years that their ability to drive the car from that place is not surprising. * * Shipping hold-ups always remind me that some day ships will cruise without crews. * # ♦ * Yes, yes, the careless motorist takes life easily. When I see a fat woman, who is trying to keep down her weight, standing on a weighing machine I am convinced she is penny wise and lb foolish. FAR ISLE WHERE MAN IS FREE. I will arise and go now And go to the back countree And find some spell of peace there Where I can feel I’m free. Nine good days will I have there Where no inspectors are And find attractive halting points Where I can park a car. * * * * Is the education system of this country being killed by degrees? * * * * Pinch of Salt: A sailor is arrested. » * * * A little tip goes a long way ... on race-days. THE YOUNG ADAM. When, loosened from the millionth illusion, I reach at last the definite conclusion That all the problems mankind has evolved By Man’s tremendous brain have been dissolved, When there’s no call to conquer worlds of doubt Because there’s nought we don’t know all about And there’s no argument worth while to hold, I’ll feel at last that I am growing old. When I have reached the comforting decision That all our laws are quite beyond revision, And am convinced the country’s politics Are really an amusing box of tricks, When retail prices cease to make me worry, When I take trams because I’m in a hurry, That is, of course, before I shun all haste As youth’s device our precious time to waste, When I’m content to let religions rage, I’ll know at last that I am feeling age. When pictures fail to agitate my senses, And I’m convinced that all Art mere pretence is, That music loudly loved by strict musicians Is writ by men who’re really mathematicians Existing on the ancient, worn-out notion, That what is popular ain’t worth emotion, When verses without capitals are writ And fail to irritate my soul one whit. When I have lost all fierce desire to choke The wireless crooner and that other bloke Who sings of roses and of hearts so true, I’ll know my sands are close to running through. And when I cease to feel my pulses beating The time to jazz, when I am calm in meeting The baby vamp, whose azure eyes adoring Are really of a female tiger snoring, When I’m unmoved by elegance in dresses And care not whether long or shortened tresses Are worn, when I don’t feel an agitation When youthful beauty seeks a warm flirtation, When no regrets within my bosom rankle As I behold a trim and natty ankle. When racy stories fail to stir my laughter Inside or out, when careless what comes after I think no more of sins upon my head— I’ll be convinced at last that I am dead. ♦ ♦ * * ATTEMPTED ESSAYS.

MONEY. Money was introduced as a medium of exchange, but sometimes you have to go into a trance to see it. The people who take the greatest interest in money are the moneylenders, but they are men of principals even if they cannot always stand alone. If people cannot touch money themselves they try to touch people who have it and it may be said that the sixth sense is the means by which they know what per cents, to charge. It has been said that a fool and his money are soon parted, but there are many men who pass as wise when they have no money at all. Money exists in various forms: metal, paper, shells, salt and I.O.U’s. The metals used are gold, silver and copper. They are all known as tin. but this should not convince you that a tinned fish is necessarily rich or that if a man is canned he is on his mettle. Paper money is widely used. There are banknotes which are used on a scale fixed by the law, hence the adage about “calling the tune,” and cheques on which the game of noughts and crosses plays an important part. It is easy to see where the phrase “shell out” comes from, even if it is sometimes difficult to find the currency with which to obey the verb. I.O.U’s. are a-vowals to pay and though by some economists and lesser lunatics they are classed as currency they must not be regarded as plums. They are a means of raisin’ money. Other forms of currency are: poker clubs, P.N’s.. Treasury Bills, debts, umbrellas, borrowed books, tickets marked “Not Transferable”, matches and tobacco, to say nothing of stamns, cigarette cards and spots. People have stated that money is the root of all evil, which explains why some are ready to do dirty work to get it. An old belief was that money was made round so that it could go round and yet it is employed to square accounts, which must annoy the geometricians. Money exerts an enormous influence in the world. Faith may have moved mountains once upon a time, but in these days the steam shovel or the sluicing hose are preferred. It takes money to move mountains, but it is surprising how much money can be moved by faith. Think of the church collection and the money put into art unions and the totalisator, think of faith that makes people prospect in prospectuses or in bargains! It is wrong to marry for money. One should marry for love, but the wise father convinces his offspring to be careful not to love where there is no money. Money talks in the new rich, but it does its best work in silence.