Original Verse

Southland Times, Issue 22508, 16 February 1935, Page 19

Original Verse

Cousin Chrissie’s “One Night” is effective, and I like the rhythm of the first line. The second last line is irregular. This should be avoided unless a shorter line adds something to the sense. t ONE NIGHT. I remember, an ebony pool of cloud, Swam in a sapphire sky; How we stood together; and how you said Loveliness made you cry—• Never the sky will be the same, Never will you and I. —3 marks to Cousin Chrissie Ross (16), Maia, Dunedin. Cousin Catherine is persevering with her verse, and already is showing signs of improvement. She should remember that, as a general rule, sentences should be complete, as in prase. For instance, her first two lines in the second verse should make a complete sentence. I think she would be wise to adopt and fourth, such as: a metre with four beats in the first and third lines, and three in the second I come from haunts of coot and hern, I make a sudden sally, And sparkle out among the fern, And bicker down a valley. BIRDS. As the sun sank down Then the night came o’er, And the birds’ voices Why! Sounded no more. Over the bright green hills, Back to their small nest; For night has come now So let’s take a rest. In their tiny nest, They do not awake, Until they peep and see ‘ The light of daybreak. —2 marks to Cousin Catherine MacGillivray (13), Menzies Ferry. Cousin Ruth’s poem is dainty. She could lengthen it, expanding the thoughts, end introduce effective word pictures or figures of speech. AUTUMN. ’Tis a dull sight, To see the year dying, When winter winds set, Yellow woods sighing, For Summer is flying. —1 mark to Cousin Ruth Heath (12), Lilburn R.D., Tuatapere. Thank you my dear, for the good wishes your poem conveys. The metre, generally, is regular. Avoid rhyming words such as “me” with “Betty”—it gives a false emphasis to “Betty.” “SONGS OF CHEER.” I sat alone in the heat of the day; Where silent, sweeter, than blossoms of May, Beauty had strewn all her loveliest gowns. Where I gazed with smiles that banished my frowns, Then all of a sudden sounds rent the air, As I stirred from my fern clad earthen chair, And a fantail was singing sweetly there, Singing to banish all troubles and care. May it banish them from all our friends too, With its songs for me and its songs for you, May it cheer you all as it has cheered me, And most of all my dear Cousin Betty. —3 marks to Cousin Frances Monk (13), Box 75, Lumsden.