HUMOUR IN COURT

Southland Times, Issue 22146, 14 October 1933, Page 13

HUMOUR IN COURT

AMUSING SITUATIONS. THE MOTORIST AND THE LAW. There is sometimes much humour to be met with in court of law—though the unfortunate car-owner who appears as defendant may fail to appreciate it, says an English writer. Motorists will, however, heartily approve of the answer of a famous judge to a car thief. The prisoner had stolen a car and crashed it into a wall. He pleaded that his act was only a joke, and that he had no intention of stealing the car. He urged the judge to deal leniently with him, stating that he would save his money and in time recompense the owner. “Only give me time, my lord,” he whined. “I certainly will,” was his lordship’s grim reply. And he did! A case arising out of a collision was recently being tried in the High Court. The plaintiff pleaded that his car was going at a snail’s pace, while the defendant blamed the plaintiff, saying that his own car was almost stationary. The judge smiled wearily as he commenced his summing-up. “Since I have sat on the bench,” said his lordship, “I have been brought to realize that miracles still happen. . I refer to the fact that it is still possible —in fact, quite common—for two stationary objects to collide.”

Another collision story concerns a young and nervous counsel. He had floundered through part of his crossexamination and had reached the point in the evidence when the collision had actually occurred. He pointed a warning finger at the witness and solemnly said: “Be very careful how you answer this question—which of the two cars hit the other first?” A certain well-known counsel is fond of quoting cases, and he will delve right back into the dim and distant past to find cases to support his arguments. A short time ago he commenced his argument with citing a running-down case that happened in the sixteenth century. (Need it be said that a motor was not involved!)

“You will pardon me interrupting you, Mr Blank,” said his lordship with a smile, “but with your great knowledge of ancient law, perhaps you would tell me whether Jehu was ever summoned for furious driving?” To counsel’s credit, let it be said that he joined heartily in the laughter that followed. Those of us whose cars are getting on in years should appreciate this story. An owner was claiming a preposterous sum for damage done to his car. The car had seen better days—to put it mildly. Counsel commenced to crossexamine the plaintiff as to his driving capabilities, and the plaintiff became annoyed. “I would inform you, sir, that I commenced to drive forty years ago,” he stated proudly. “You surprise me,” replied counsel blandly. “I should not have thought that your car was quite as old as that.”

Concerning old cars, there is the tale of the counsel for the defendant who, upon resuming the case after the luncheon interval, addressed his lordship in this manner: “Up to now I have been referring to the vehicle in this case as a ‘car’ or ‘motor.’ During the adjournment I have had an opportunity of inspecting it, and with your lordship’s permission I will in future refer to it as a ‘mechanically propelled vehicle.’ ” Motorists will be pleased to know that there is a judge of the High Court who prefers motor-cars to the horsedrawn variety—at least, the story told about him points to that conclusion. At an Assize town in England the conveyance provided for the visiting judge is a coach-and-four. When his lordship visited the town for the first time he entered the coach with obvious disquiet. The horses were mettlesome and inclined to prance and rear, with the result that the coach rolled from side to side in a most alarming manner When his lordship was deposited at the court house, he turned to the High Sheriff: “Mr High Sheriff, I hope you will not think me ungrateful, but I will return to my lodgings by taxi,” he said, eyeing the coach with distaste “But, my lord, consider the dignity of the law,” was the High Sheriff’s pompous answer

“I am far more concerned with the safety of its representative—and I am returning by taxi,” was the curt but emphatic reply. And he did!

POLICE AND CARS SITUATION IN TURKEY. AN EFFICIENT FORCE. If an international competition were held to decide the most efficient police force, there would be some surprising entries and possibly some very surprising results, writes an Englishman. There is, for example, very little doubt that the police force of the Republic of Turkey would gain very high marks. When I was in Istambul—the modern name for Constantinople—-I wanted to make my first visit to Asiatic Turkey by crossing the Sea of Marmora in one of the small steamships which make the journey every day, to the port of Mudania, and go thence by road to the very typically Turkish town of Brusa. I discovered that a police permit had to be obtained, for which I had to provide three photographs of myself and three of my wife. This done, however, we had an amusing journey by the funny little steamer which arrived three or four hours after its scheduled time, and a subsequent road trip in a brand-new, luxuriously upholstered bus.

Later on in our trip, on arrival in Angora, I went to the police station in order to try to get permission to go for a motor tour round the next morning. But I found that officially we had not yet arrived, for the duplicate of our pass had not yet reached Angora from Istambul. So we had to stay in the immediate vicinity until we had officially arrived! A delightful story is told of the very efficient methods of the Turkish police in dealing with cars. The Istambul police became alarmed at the growing number' of accidents, and ordered that all cars must be fitted with brakes, so that, at whatever speed it was travelling, a vehicle could pull up within its own length. It may be difficult to prove whether brakes are sufficiently powerful for this purpose, so if there is any doubt, the police make for an oncoming car and throw down suddenly in front of it a spiked board. Four successive bangs prove quite conclusively that the brakes are not efficient; at the same time the owner has been punished to the extent of four tyres. The more careful driver, or the driver with better brakes, escaped with

only two. It is stated, however, with every possibility of truth, that within two days every taxi-driver in Istambul not only had efficient brakes,'but observed every speed limit the city liked to enforce as well as a number of speed limits of its own invention.