Shaun's Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21431, 27 June 1931, Page 6

Shaun's Patch

A little nonaense. now and then It relished by the wisest men. —Hudlbras.

Will Mr Lang’s wages tax assuage .the taxpayer? ' * * * . * When it conies to a- question of cutting the pay of the judiciary, the judges are in the best position to answer. * * * * What a man wants to-day is balance. Especially a credit one. * * * * A motorist wants the whole road? That is the length and breadth of it. * * * * In politics a whispering campaign would not be dangerous if there were no amplifiers. •» * * « Whenever Mussolini says that the Italian Press io free, he is speaking of what it charges to print statements by Mussolini. • In any other country 90 per cent, of Mussolini’s speeches would come under the heading of personal publicity. * * * # EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence containing the word “settlement”: “He took a seat on the settlement for visitors.” I’ve never: - sailed a Zeppelin, A light one or a dark one, But to this fact my credit pin— I’d rather sail than park one. * * * * After all, speaking of the Eden fashions, Eve was all wrapt up in herself. * # * < She was so fond of eating, When boys took her to tea She never thought of taking A mere sufficiency. She pleaded to her mother With sighs, explaining that Through gastronomic courting She now was getting fat. Her mother urged reducing, And said: “If you’d be lean Just pick upon a young man Who conies from Aberdeen.” * * * * Modern young ladies who wonder why their grandmothers wore six petticoats should sit on a Victorian horsehair chair. Mr Scullin, having established good relations with the Nationalists, the Country Party and Mr Lyons, is now making some headway with the Australian Labour Party. * * * * If you keep on the level you can rise to their heights. * * * * People who want to rush into drastic remedies, should remember that the higher the hill the more necessary it is to drop into low gear. * * * I understand the Power Board is thinking of an even more vigorous campaign for business. I suggest as a slogan for the stove sellers: “Keep the home fires burning.” * * * * Einstein has confessed that his Iwo passions are for violin playing and absolute solitude. Doubtless he enjoys them together. * * * * United States is trimming her sails because the depression in the world has been trimming her sales. * • * * * BREAKFAST DIALOGUES. S: The Nautilus has arrived safely. J: Yes, to Cork for caulking. S: The trip must have been awful. J: Corking, evidently. S: John, don’t you sympathise with those men ? J: I did, Sopbonisba, before they left. S: Well, they’re going on; they’re not deterred. J: Determined to go under the ice. They’ll be cool, anyhow. S: I don’t know how you can be so cold about them.

J: Must I submerge my feelings, because they wish to submerge their chances?

S: I think they’re very brave.. You wouldn’t go. J: My interests lie all in the other direction. S: I thought they lied in any direction. J: Lay ray dear, lay ... as hens do ... in any direction. S: What are you saying? . . . eggs have nothing to do with it. J: Exactly. S: But I mean falsehoods. J: Bluff Orpingtons or Legpullers . . are the only’ breeds I know. S: Are you trying to make a fool of me.

J: My dear Sophonisba, I know I am trying . . but not in that way. S: Anyway, they’re Leghorns . . . J: Now, you’re thinking of cattle . . S: You idiot . . cattle are Shorthorn and Friesian.

J: My dear, I may be a little weak on poultry, but Friesians are really Howers . . S: We may have freesias by the cowbyre.

J: What buyer? Who is this? S: But I am right. ' J:-Of course, of course, my love . . Friesians is agriculture . . that is the breed they use for ice-creams. S: And talking of cream, did you put out the eat last night ? J: He would have been put out if he had not. been allowed out, and if aloud out we would have been put out . . and so as one who has realized the penalties of bachelor pursuits . . I . . S: Well? J: Saw that he was not put out.