Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21429, 25 June 1931, Page 8

Shaun’s Patch

A little noncemw now and then la nllebed by the wlaest men. ; —Hudlbraa.

It is announced that noiseless chocolate wrappers for theatre use have been manufactured. Silent peanut shells are expected, too. '- ' ' # An expert has announced that certain musical notes prevent sleep. I wonder if the cats in our neighbourhood have been informed. * * * ' *■ The first fifty are the hardest. Years? No, scones. i » » * * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence containing the word "affection”: “Will this affection nerves?” * * * * When the author was asked to pay his account he replied: • I will meet your account as soon as I receive the money the publisher will pay me if he accepts the novel I am going to send him as soon as I have finished the work which I will commence when I have found a suitable subject, the necessary inspiration and the peace in which to carry it out. They did not send him any more demands. * * * * FAMOUS WELLS. of truth. Tunbridge . S . — done. Sadlers well. Oil . come. D . H. G. THE INNOCENTS.She thought they used puffed rice at a swell dinner. <- » * * An economist has stated that money is man’s servant. Perhaps that explains why it doesn’t stay long. * * * * What the apple-growers of this country need is esprit de core. * * * * THE MAID’S LAMENT. A maid in great bluster Was using a duster, And dusting a bust in the hall, And when she had dusted The bust it was busted, The bust npw is dust, that is all. —The Presbyterian. Then all of a fluster Because the boss cusst ’er, She swept the bust dust from the hall, And the bust that was busted Was made into custard — So dust unto dust, after all. —Me. ■** * * One thing that can be said about the modern girl, she’s a canny cook. * ■ * * * In a fractious home the woman is the better half. * * * * CROSSING LINES. Stop and let the train go by It doesn’t take a minute; Your motor-car goes on intact, And, what is more, you’re in it. * * * * According to reports the man who gets loaded may be fired. * * * * When a rich father cuts off his daughter, docs she become a bobbed heiress? * * * * There is one newspaper editor in the United States who retired with a bank account of £lOO,OOO. Somebody paid £lOO,OOO for the. oil found on his property. * * * ♦ Jones: Sorry, Smith, my hen got loose and scratched up your garden. Smith: That’s all right; my dog ate your hen. Jones: Good! I ran over your dog this afternoon and killed him. Smith: Fine! Then it was your car that I saw stolen just now. * * * * This credit system seems to be falling, into discredit. » * * * AN IMPRESSION. The Viking doorman scorns fatigue, Humming a marriage march by Grieg. The Italian bootblack’s brushes ply To an aria from “Butterfly.” The German florist sprays the palms, Crooning a lullaby of Brahms. The French chef seasons a rich filet To a broken phrase of Charpentier. The Russian liftman signals off, Whispering Rimsky-Korsakoff. The American guest, in his gilded suite, Sings, "She’s my baby; ain’t she neat?” —New Yorker.