Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 20939, 23 November 1929, Page 13

Shaun’s Patch

U A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN” —“ Hudibras.”

Occult: Contact with spirits. Hic-cult: Contact with spirits. v * * » ■ The new Portugese heavyweight is a mere 17st., so Camera will still have to restrain himself, probablj’ no one but a 20st man will stand still long enough to let Camera hit him. « » * * Some people know what a golfer will do to a T. ♦ * * * An American scientific society has announced that theoretically death is not inevitable. Maybe, but practically it’s a certainty. * * # Do husband’s keep anything from their wives? Probably about two and sixpence a week. ♦ * * ♦ Missing links: A golfer slices over the fence. » * st * Some people are annoyed because the members of Parliament increased their own salaries. Well, if they haven’t a good opinion of themselves who will have? * * * * * « * TOMBSTONE JINGLES. For Thomas Hicks we here erect a Stone; they made him sole selector. * * * * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence with “benzine” in it. "He hasn’t benzine since yesterday. s * * * Patron Saint of the Bed-time Storyteller : Scheherazade. * * :fc A SPANISH TRAGEDY. Alonzo de Murfi, a man of ideas, Some scraps of illusions,.and very few fears, Was strolling, one morning along the paseo, Just thinking it was quite an elegant day, 0 He twirled his moustaches and tilted, he did, Whatever the Spaniards will say for a lid, When out of the blue (of the sky, not the ocean), Alonzo extracted a beautiful notion. Alonzo descended from purest Castilian One ancestor rode as a senior postillion, Another discovered, unaided, alone, a New way to crack nuts that disturbed Barcelona; Another progenitor that he could boast Was crimped from a house on the Barbury Coast, A fourth, whose extraction was prominent, very, Came from a castle (or cabin) in Kerry. ' Alonzo, delighted, removed from his shoulder A thread, and he felt himself growing much bolder As on the piazza he strode quite emphatic No more he’d return to his room in the attic. He smiled at the children who played in the dirt, Gave the gendarmerie nods that were curt. Kicked, as he passed, in a place that is tender, The dog of a stationary newspaper vendor. Gaily returning, with interest, and fleeter, The glances bestowed by a fair senorita, And laughing to think how he’d flirt with the niece Of Rosas, the ill-tempered Chief of Police, Alonzo broke out into song on the pavement But none of the villagers knew what the knave meant, For though he was smiling, his gait was a twister, he Wrapped himself round with a happy-go- * mystery. Alonzo was jovial, the morning was sunny, Already Alonzo was spending the money He knew he would win. Fie could buy a mantilla, , Irrespective of what a good Scotsman calls silla, For Rosas’s fair niece ere the coming siesta And take her his partner unto the fiesta; He’d ask her in marriage, he would, on the morrow Signorina di Murfi she’d soon be, begorrah. He shuffled his feet in a Hibernian caper, Tobacco he poured in a cigarette paper, And thought of the money he’d spend in cigars As well as in buying a couple of cars. He’d go for a honeymoon to th’Alhambra A castle in Spain he would buy, too, caramba! Then off to Madrid and with gusto he’d stare a Few minutes right into the face of Rivera. Alonzo di Murfi he then stroked his moustache, And gave a short hitch to his crimson silk sash, The world was a wizz, but in good Spanish lingo, I And he’d be a Don with the best, yes, by | _ Jingo! | O no one would dare call Alonzo a funny ’un I If he displayed preference for a strong onion. Then, horrors! and curses and Spanish for tears! In his dreams he’d lost track of his bril- ' liant ideas!

Someone has stated that a limerick on Invercargill is impossible, so I tune my trusty lute: SOUTHLAND LIMERICKS. A fellow who lived in Invercargill Said “I at the end of my darg’ll* Be exceedingly dry So to Bluff I will hie Me and purchase a very long gargle.” *darg: a day’s work $ * $ * A man requires tons of assurance to canvass insurance. * * a « FAMOUS HOOKS. of Holland. and eye. Fish . Right hook. Use no . “ it!” ers. The . General er. Marriage. THE EARLY DAYS. Whatever trouble Adam had, No man, in days of yore, Could say when he had told a joke, “I’ve heard that one before.” —The New Outlook. But though it may have -been a boon That jokes were not condemned as hoary, Remember that no C.T., came To give to him the latest story. **# * ♦ CRYPTOGRAMS. The first one is a warning: MXWNYNOMWNXL PXOKBYBHBXWBH OKCEOBKNWS • ANXMXYNBKE HBBD NW OKCANWMGQB WC NXHPQLB NX PXQNDNWBH BUOBXHNWPKB. The second test this week is in verse again: CDCFTMS CMEEUDAE ZD ELDKY GSUZQE VDGA ZLQ RQEZQS M ADDVTQ LDG ELDFTV U BQAZFSQ ZD IDKY EADGVQA ZLQ WSUAPQS DO WDDVTQ FLMZ UE ZLQ FEQ DO EFPPQEZUP LUE IQZLDVE FQSQ SMEL EUAKQ LG KDTTMSQV ZLQ KMEL The answers to last week’s crypograms are: (а) Fallen is the foe; so fall they foes, where warlike Judas wields his righteous sword. (b) Raupo 'and flax and fern among The little river racing goes With noisy song Of joys it knows It winds by shingled banks along ! An arrant boaster from the hills Into the sea Its freight it spills A gift lost in immensity. * * « * DOUBLE ACROSTICS. How fast we are going. How tiring Io read An ominous notice this not to exceed. (1) To lack of celerity it would confess, But take off its head and a head 'twill possess. (2) “One morn” this one at the gate Of Eden stood disconsolate. (3) This is a symbol, which you will find Suggests something eke to inquiring mind. (4) Here we should lay a stress Did only we jxtssess ami “s.” (5) This will be hard. I don’t deny it, But find a different word—just try it. LAST WEEK’S ACROSTIC. Peevish and prelates first you’ll find And then where sits the balanced mind. (1) Here men gather from the rout, And by it may be knocked about. (2) This is called the rudder of verse, Lose it with reason and things are worse. (3) Yes, of the tar-brush there may be a touch, But half of a half of a half isn't much. (4) This may be terrifying to a bird But drop all row if you can find the word. (б) Not serious at all, you may retire, But merit to this mark must needs aspire. (1) C 1 u B (2) R hyra E (3) O ctqroo N (4) S scare Crow (5) S crate II » ♦ * * WHAT THEY KNOW. Every Farmer Knows.—How to run business better than business men. Every Business Man knows—How to run a school better than a teacher. Every Teacher Knows. —How to run a movie better than the movie man. Every Movie Man Knows.—How to run the •' town better than the town councillors. Every Town Councillor Knows.—How to run a factory better than the factory manager. Every Factory Manager Knows. —How to run the country better than the politicians. Every politician knows.—How to run a farm better than the farmer.