THE “M” STORIES

Southland Times, Issue 20897, 5 October 1929, Page 23

THE “M” STORIES

MISFORTUNES OF MICHAEL MAGEE. —Prize—■

Michael Magee stood at the door of his large modem chemist’s shop, mournfully mopping his brow.

“May misfortune overtake that mad youth Mat Mulooney,” he muttered. “Morning after morning he is late and when he does arrive in his Marmon motor car, and dressed in those hideous mauve trousers, he must start making mischief. “More than an hour late every morning, an' merrily making mischief every minute of the day,” he continued, "sure and it’s mad I’ll bo before the month o' May. But I’ll sack the lad if he doesn’t stop his mischievous acts, apprentice acts, or no apprentice acts.” Murmuring maledictions on the head of Mat he went inside. Then a shadow darkened the doorway and a merry whistling made Michael Magee spin round with a malevolent glare in his eyes. Mastering his anger with difficulty he managed to mutter sarcastically. “Mercy on us! and may the saints be praised, if young Mat Mulooney hasn t made his appearance only 61 minutes and as many seconds, late. Sure! and its a miracle.” “Mm! yes,” murmured Mat Mulooney. "The vital cog in the mighty machinery of Michael Magee's business has made his entrance. May the saints be praised, as jou so aply put it.” “Me temper is failing, and your mirth is mighty aggrevating, to work, ye limb of ' Satan, to work,” roared Michael Magee. “I grasp your meaning, you mean I have to work,’ said Mat meeklj. “My what a faice, wot a n'orrible faice, he had, my wot sang Mulooney till his meanderings were interrupted by a mad roar from Michael Magee. Worrk, worrk. “Manners, manners,” chided Mulooney, “ you really musn’t make noises and interrupt my burst into melody.” “Melody!!! Music!!!! What good is music to a thriving chemist’s shop? you dolt!” “Music hath charms to sooth the savage breast. Music lovers will throng to the only shop in the metropolis where music is served with medicine and chest protectors, not to mention our nice new line of hotwater bags. Morbid crowds will gather sensing an accident. Men will come to listen and watch, and go away quaffing, Magee’s marvellous mixture. Business will bound along. Congratulate me, old man,” said Mulooney, all in one breath. “Maybe there is something in what'you say,” muttered Magee musingly. ‘Stay! I have it. Grasp a bottle of our Marvellous Mixture, go outside, take minute sips every minute or so, then create melodious noises, and I think a refined jig wouldn t be out of place. If a member of the police force meanders mention the name of Magee and give him some money.” “Ha! I grasp the idea, your grey matter is at work. Is a rise indicated old man?” murmured Mulooney hopefully.” “Maybe, maybe, if your music drives the people to take Magee’s marvellous mixture,” said Magee. Ten minutes later Mulooney stood outside moaning out “Mother Macree,” grasping a bottle of Magee's Marvellous Mixture in his hand, while round his neck was a placard: —Magee’s Marvellous MixtureLook what it did for this man. Once he was a cripple. Magee’s mixture made a new man of him. He lost his voice when a baby. He found it to-day. with the aid of Magee’s Marvellous Mixture. See him dance . * . . hear him sing. Be musical, burst into melody. You will if you take Magee s Marvellous Mixture. Magee’s mixture makes melody and music flow from YOU. Try it on father. Try it on mother. Try it on the canary'. Have a merry musical, and melodious family with the aid of Magee most Marvellous Mixture. Supplied to millions, so buy! Multi-millionaires, and misers buy! Soon a mattly crowd collected. Mulooney, after finishing “Mother Macree” for the twelfth time started “My Pretty Maid.” Magee’s corner soon resembled an opera house. It was a case of auto-suggestion. Staid old men and maids quaffed their bottles, then started a mazurka or polka, singing the while in a cracked monotonous tone. Melodies and minstrel songs sung by mirthful young men and maids clashed, then blended in one burst of far from melodious noise. A member of the police force dashed round the corner waving his arms madly, then stopped aghast at the sight of a maid of seventy being taught to charlston by a gay young man of sixty-five. Magee’s Marvellous Mixture made old men young (which goes to prove that a person is only as old as he or she feels). The policemaq, dashed into their midst. The melodious maids and men, intoxicated by the revival of youth, and Magee’s Marvellous Medicine, seized him and forcibly poured two bottles of the mixture into his mouth. It took a mob of policemen to disperse the music-makers and arrest the main offenders.

The next morning after leaving the Magistrate’s Court where he had been fined for being a disturber of the peace, Magee was met by a mighty multi-millionaire who mentioned a magnificent sum of money for the patent rights of the marvellous mixture.

Magee and Mulooney mutually agreed, and the multi-millionaire epent much of his money making the mixture extensively, till the firm of Magee and Mulooney became the largest manufacturers of medicine in the metropolis. , To-day “Magee and Mulooney’s Marvellous Mixture” is mentioned meritoriously in many lands, while Magee and Muloony, now firm friends, sit back, and think of the misfortunes of Magee, caused by the mischief-making of Mulooney. —2/6 and 3 marks to Cousin Graham Witt (14), 159 Lindisfarne Road, Invercargill. —Prize— MY MESSAGE. One Monday morning in May mother was making Molly’s and my mid-day lunch when she remembered Molly’s might have been mixed with mine, as she didn’t like mannite. Mother mentioned that Mervyn might motor me in Morrell’s Morris Minor. When making for Mr Maurice Metcalfe’s Makarewa store, we met Mr Maloney, and Mr McMullan making for Mr Morgan’s mansion, as many more men were meeting that morning. My mind was on my book, "Moovalle Mystery,” and many more Morris Minor motors met and passed Mervyn. My message was meant to be given many minutes before as mother might’ve made Molly’s mid-day lunch. Mervyn meant me to get Mr Manus’s malt medicine, meaning that my message might mean more haste. My misfortune was made as Mavis and Mrs Metcalfe were busy. My morning misfortune was my message meaning I was later at school that Monday morning than my mate, May Metcalfe.

—2/6 and 3 marks to Cousin Gladys McClean (11), Private Bag, Lome Infirmary,

—Commended.— THE MERRY McKENZIES.

mistakes. Meanwhile, Mervyn made merry music merrier. Maude marvellously made Mervyn march to market making music with my mouth organ. Mervyn’s mate, Morris Middleton, made many miniature motor machines. Maisie, mother’s maid, milked Minnie, the Marquis’ cow. Meanwhile, Mervyn’s mates marched madly for my milking machines. —1 mark to Cousin Albert Korrell (12), “Fairview,” Mandeville. —Commended.— MARY MUMFORD MISUNDERSTANDS MARIA MATILDA. “Monty misses me muchly,” mused Maria Matilda. “Methinks more meat might make Monty merry.” “Mercy!” moaned Mary. “Monty Masters! Meditating marrying Monty Masters? Mad, meddling, middle-aged miser! Money! Monty Masters made money making .” “Mary! Me marrying Monty Masters? Me! Monstrous! “Monty is my mastaff—minus Masters.” Mary moaned mournfully. —1 mark to Cousin Marjory Smith (15), Orepuki.

Merry Martha Mander married Matthew McKenzie, making Matthew merry for many months. Most miserable men might make Martha morose, but Martha made Matthew merry.

Matthew manufactured matches most magnificently and Martha minced meat for Matthew’s meals. Most Mondays Matthew manipulated Martha’s mangle. There were many miniature McKenzies, May, Morris, Milly, Miriam and Mac making much machining for Martha.

Martha made many marches to market for morocain, muscatels, mandarins, marshmallows, mulberries and meat. The miniature McKenzie made much music on Martha’s mechanical machine. Martha and Matthew and the many McKenzies marched to the Monday movie matinees munching mouthfuls of marshmallows and minties.

—1 mark to Cousin Audrey Seddon (10), P.O. Box 91, Lumsden.

—Commended.—

Mother made Maude make mince meat. Mervyn’s mischief made Maude make many