Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 20615, 13 October 1928, Page 13 (Supplement)

Shaun’s Patch

j! “A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN” 8 —“ Hudibras.”

I should say that Sir Joseph Ward won’t find the leadership of the United Party a lonely business. Mr Forbes has let the secret out. Without Sir Joseph the United Party would cease to be a united party. I suppose when one speaks of a fellow resident as a drunken fish one realises that he is stewed to the gills. Many motor collisions are due to “Cornin’ through the rye”—well “gin’ a body meet a body” you know. FAMOUS SPRINGS. Hanmer Watch Chicken Medicine High Jump Bed Shock-absorbers. 1928. THE POET IN LOVE. Oh, I will write my songs to thee Tell all my love in passionate lines, The pain and all the ecstacy That of my love are tell-tale signs. I richest words my heart will I Unveil and all for thee, my Queen, And when they’re writ, my love, I’ll try To sell them to some magazine. A SARDINE TRAGEDY. “Press closer to me, lovely sild— Or, as you’re feminine, Should I this mode avoid and say Press closer, Silderine?” And as he spoke another fish Complained: “Confound their loving For while you’re making up to her It’s me whom you are shoving.” But they no notice took of him The world was gay; they grinned To think how nearly one they were Because they had been tinned. The crowding in the narrow world Brought joy into his heart, For he could feel her snuggle in And say: “No more we’ll part.” But Fate comes like a vengeful hawk, And life’s a cruel coast— That loving pair found lodgment on Two different bits of toast. THOSE RACEHORSES. Pants, by Runner out of Breath. Busted Straight, by Cards out of Sequence. Bargain, by Wife out of Hubby's Pocket. The man who lumbers along does not necessarily wear a wooden leg. SOUTHLAND LIMERICKS. There was a young fellow at Gore Who said: “It’s a horrible bore, That though we are bright We are a damned sight Too far from the good old sea-shore.” * * ♦ * May I quote this escape as an aid to fellow-husbands? I may. Wrong Number! Wife (disguising her voice) : Guess who this is! Husband: Is it ah Phyllis? Wife (furiously in own voice) : PHILLIS!!! Husband (disguising his voice) : Guess who this is! THE LESSON OF SPRING. Solvitur arris hiems grata vice veries et Favoni.—Horace Book I Ode 4. Sharp Winter melts to Spring (Lord, hear it rain!) The boats are out, hauled downward to the shore, The stock is loose, and ploughmen work again, And experts say that we’ll have frosts no more. It’s warm enough for dancing ’neath the moon, Jazzing Nymphs and graces, chaperoned By Venus; but tby day the fiery noon Is hotter still —and ’twas for this we moaned! Now’s the time to hit things up and take All the world offers, giving not a damn— Let’s with old Faundes celebration make Whether with flappers or just early lamb. The Reaper, Ses, is not a social bug— He calls e’en though you’re not “best family”; He’s on the way, so don’t you be a mug And dream of solid things—high life for me! Death’s far too dark for bridge or ever petting, Too grim to tore for drinks. I swear 1 ache To think that Lycidas (’tis not worth bet ting!) A kid will soon out-squeeze us as a Sheik. MINE OWN PEPYS. SATURDAY, October 6.—Up this day and to my garden wherein I did sow further ' for the coming harvest, though there being no manure present I to have misgivings of the future. The rain to fall with opportuneness so I must, desist and rest me with great thankfulness. In the afternoon to attend with many experts in the tennis so I do give them the benefit of my vast knowledge of this game, but the rain falling I am unable to play an exhibition game with their champion —this to their sorrow.

MONDAY, October 8. —Word this day of great moments in the political world, and great men to ask that I will enter the Parliament and so direct the King's affairs for the advantage of all, but to refuse in that I do already have other matters requiring my attention, inclusive of my Spring cleaning. Thereon to discover grave men do consider how they may effect a contest in our midst, and so divert attention from the more serious things, such as the conduct of our children on the trains and the letters of Milord Lillico, the dog man. The new Town Engineer in our midst and he already voted on by the Dee Street Parliament, but no word given of the result thereof. TUESDAY, October 9. —Further to the failures of Mons Benzie, and he to have neglected my precepts. The manner of this defeat to be that one enthusiastic gollufer do disinter many worms and one to defy all efforts of Mons. Benzie and his nostrums. In the final it dispatched by an iron bar wielded by the Mcßobie, a most mighty business, whereat I do see this Tinacious beast to be the Verus Macrobicus, and to congratulate my pupil on the skill he hath attained, at the same time showing my disfavour with Mons. Benzie in his failure to consult with me on these matters. WEDNESDAY, October 10.—Up this day and to my bath where I did rub myself most furiously with the towell as hath been ordered by my physical expert, but to fall to thinking on the values thereof, when I am made awise of such a pain as to induce me to inquire, finding I have indeed worn out the skin. Thus to face with the prospect of much standing during the coming weeks, and the vista not inviting, therein to see the lesson that in all things it were well to keep one’s mind on the duties in hand. Also to resolve I shall in future use none but the softest of towels, leaving the harder ones to my family. THURSDAY, October 11.—Abroad early and to learn that the Chief did invade the precincts of the Bowling Club and with song and melody did open the season with much eclat <ind none may say him may. He in fine mood and to induce others to sing whether they do be fitted thereto or not. All this reaching the ears’ of ’ the Mackintosh, he mighty ruffled in that he hath planned to make a splash at tjie opening on the Saturday and the Ch’ef to forestall them all. To learn he (the Mackintosh) do blame my physician for his part therein and will seek to avenge it, so none knows how it will all end. This night William All Black Hazlett to return from the Africas with a great shouting and blowing of trumpets, so Milord the Mayor do make a speech and others also to spedc high words of small consequence, though on examining the record of this jouster to resolve I may not have performed much better myself as I had elected to crore the seas. A mighty fine showing and a welcome most well deserved. FRIDAY, October 12.—Up betimes and in the newsprint to read the speeches of the politicians who do so add on their figures I do reel to know what they be driving at. To meet with one Doig and he to tell me of a special sand he hath but late imported from Taranaki for the polishing of golluf clubs, saying this hath won him many games in that the shine doth dazzle his opponent’s eyes. He to offer me a sample declaring there hath been on charge. Thereupon to resolve I will of a certainty acquire some and dispatch it to my opponents that they spend time in polishing their clubs and in this wise tire their arms. This a mighty strange business and to make me wonder wherein the catch to lie in that the Doig be a mighty wily bird for the catching of which 'tis needful to rise early. At evening to the Orphans for the final night of the sea son and this most enjoyable—so to bed in deep, content to dream of Turkey. THIS WEEK’S ACROSTIC. A man selected far to roam And very pleased to be back home; Darkness unrelieved the other side, But both, a name and title—well you pride. (1) Take off the head of know, then neat The short regarding tail you must delete. (2) A holy person! Take his lowly end And leave what Henry was called by his friend. (3) High, likewise of seller of good fish, But head and tail him—that Is what I wish. ;4) A jerseyed male and when you’ve found this one, Remove old Egypt’s god linked with the sun. (5) Sw'eet they are, whether we make or buy, But in truth we muet leave out the lie. (6) A notion in four letters —one bereft— You’ll find an old girl's name has now been left. (7) Sharp and short it is and not a nail, Take off the end—the whole’s also to sail. (8) This word of letters four I give at last — It means to take an object in the past. LAST WEEK’S ACROSTIC.

L u F F E 1 A t e d M u Sica! LI g H t Na n k Ipoo I 0 n N o o N E R S e