Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 20496, 26 May 1928, Page 13 (Supplement)

Shaun’s Patch

Z • £ “A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN" S —“ Hudibras.”

ANOTHER RACEHORSE. Political Trouble, by Cat out of The Bag. When a man comes home from work and finds his wife reading the draper’s advertisements he had better go back to work. * * * «> Mr Goodfellow has grounds for his resignation from the Dairy Control Board: the chairman would not be a goodfellowman and say just what Mr Goodfellow wanted him to say. DOUBLE ACROSTIC VI. “Dark as ebon” on the first side And yet a name we view with pride; While opposite their sphere of fame, Where they have always played the game. (1) The cow’s offspring has lost its head, A button-owner stands instead. (2) Stop and listen to get the lead, But an exclamation’s all you need. (3) A pleasant old game, not very hard, Of numbers imposed on the squares of a card. (4) For the horse’s mouth, short for a particle, In pairs for ships a much-needed article. (5) Underslung and underhand, A cricketer should understand. (6) The palindrome! But easily Y’ou’ll find it in a good rupee. (7) To hail, likewise to shout, To visit folks both in and out. (8) How simply in the midst of strife Can this a period put to life. LAST WEEK’S ACROSTICS. One came to us and spent a week And we enjoyed it ev’ry bit, The other side shows what to-morrow All of us must say of it. (1) Placed on the ear ’twill cause a child to grieve. But a welcome addition to ev’ryone’s sleeve. (2) Curtail this necessary thing, and always free, Though I’m annoyed if it is given me. (3) Like this does merch sometimes fal!, ’tis said; Without it there would be no water shed. (4) Halve the stream where Cleopatra rowed, Whence in the later years production flowed. (5) Head and tail, the deed is easily done, And use the balance of th’ initial one. (6) A poet- sighed and wished to touch the hand Which could do this—’tis gone, you understand ? (7) A beverage popular, stronger than tea; But this is its title in society. (8) Here is the end and ’tis fitting quite To put this on and keep all else from sight. (1) CUFF (2) A I R (3) R AIN (4) N I L E (5) FI R ST (6) V A N I S II (7) A L E (8) LID

A dispute in the orchestra: Band parts. The man who midst the shouts of “Shame,” Yelled out above the noise of strife: “I only have myself to blame,” Was told: “Then clearly you’ve no wife.” When I think of the Charleston, the Black Bottom and the Yale Blues, I recall that warning engraved on the garter; "Honi soit qui mal e danse.” THE ADVENTURES OF PHILEMON. A MAY FAIR DISASTER. A proper man I am, of austere mien Not in the sere and yellow, but not green, Yet finding suited to my native dignity Participation in this May Fair revelry, So when the population wore wild clothes False whiskers and an elongated nose, I kept to mufti and maintained my frowns For those who tore about in florid gowns. At night quite innocent I paid a call To gaze upon a May Fair fancy ball And at the door I watched the dancers whirl, Until accosted by a charming girl, Who seeing me alone came up to learn If with her I would care to trip a turn. Always taught that I should be polite Where ladies are concerned, I knew ’twas right To leave my stiff position at the portal And dance as if an ordinary mortal. The dance I liked and when the thing was done I took my partner’s arm and we made one Among a lot of pairs who watched the stars And talked of moons and heard the motorcars. Then so the maid would think me not remiss I squeezed her and implanted one good kiss Upon her lips, she was a little beauty, Which seemed quite ready for this pleasant duty. This done I took her back into the room, And hurried home, retiring in the gloom. Next morn my son with tired air Inquired if I’d enjoyed the fair, And when I answered in the negative Went on most earnestly inquisitive, Asking if the dressing caught my eye. With firmness I explained to him that I Looked not with favour on the garish throng. And when he asked if I had been along To see the ball where all wore fancy dress With some reluctance I replied with "yes,” But made it clear, though not with undue haste, I found the dressing not quite to my taste. Then the racal inquired if by chance I had indulged me in a little dance, And when in fierce denial I shook my head He laughed aloud and merrily he said: "That’s not correct, you have forgotten, sir, That with a lady young you made a stir, Danced just like a happy two-year-old, And then (I felt my perspiration cold) You took her out the happy chance to seize And give her kisses and a hearty squeeze.” I blushed in horror to think that girl Could tell—my head began to throb and whirl: "The hussy,” that was all I spluttered out, When he stopped my protesting with a shout: “You needn’t worry, dad, that girl won’t split, You needn’t worry—not a little bit, Because —’twas too good to be missed— I was the simple little thing you kissed.”