Shaun’s Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 19720, 28 November 1925, Page 13

Shaun’s Patch.

“4 Little Nonsense Now and Then.”—Hudibras.

Somewhere recently I read the following short poetic version of an American pig’s life: f Born. Corn. Whizz. Sizz. The idea has tempted me to this version of a man’s span: Begin. Sin. Die Fry. In an article headed “Sold to Trust” I came across this enlightening statement:— Sir John Ellerman, who was born at Brough, near Hull in 18562, has had a highly successful business career. This seems to be one of these futurist articles. Sir John should be pleased to know that his next time on earth is going to be so pleasant. When the wages of sin are paid I wonder if there will be any workers striking for a higher scale. When you come to think of it the woes of a horse are found chiefly in the “Giddups.” The old trouble about this fashion of shingling is that it is putting a crimp in the style of the hairdresser’s saloon. I am looking forward to the day when some society, inspired by the persistency of the Baconians, will rise and dedare that Elinor Glyn wrote ‘Twelfth Night.” • * » • “Hamlet” has been produced in modern attire in London. But surely it wasn’t necessary to put him in Plus Fours in order to convince people that he was trying to appear crazy. A Novel Swindle: Most of the pictures on the jackets. Coue stopped his nose bleeding by using his own system. Why doesn’t he start saying: “Everyday and in every way more and more people believe in Coue.” Inflation proposals in France seem to result in the deflation of reputations. A Capital Levy: One held by the Gov-ernor-General in Wellington. When you come to think of it, there is no reason for surprise in the fact that a dark horse often fails to come to light. ♦ » # ♦ One of the Ministers in Jugo-Slavia has insulted Mussolini. When the Napoleonic one has finished with him it will be possible to say: “Serbia right.” » • • • Mary had a little lamb. Asked why, she did confess: “I Tiad’ him just because I am A slick adventuress.” A cable message from London yesterday stated: Despite a previous agitation and the threats of extreme Republicans on account of which the Civic Guards were reinforced by the police, Armistice Day was celebrated in Dublin tranquilly. In Dublin one man was killed and 15 w’ere injured. Quite a tranquil day after all! MINE OWN PEPYS. NOVEMBER 21.—Up betimes and to the woodpile there to while and whittle away an hour in labour and to suffer for mine energy in tired muscles so that I to vow in future there shall be purchased dry cases which may be split with ease by feminine workers. The afternoon spent in attending my car against a coming excursion to Fortrose and much time spent in acquiring the rightful pronunciation of that place, which it seemeth hath the sound of F’trose, though why this should be is beyond my comprehend.ng. In the evening to the purchase of ice for the freezer and much hoping that the day may be of warmth sufficient to justify the consumption of ice-cream, though Mrs Shaun to say she being against all waste will have us eat it even if the day be as cold as the freezer itself. At night much music and a visit from Frank Taylor and his wife, but privily much annoyed with my wife in that she did make a few of my favourite cakes and in the dispensing of them did dispose of all to our visitors and the head of the house compelled to look pleasant and declare he hath no appetite for such confections. And so to bed in high dudgeon. NOVEMBER 23.—Lay abed this day in fear I may be sickening of a cold, and wh le there to ponder on the beastly weather of the week-end so that our motor trip abandoned, and grave fears lest I forget the proper pronunciation of Fortrose before we to arrive there. Also to note that despite the ccld day we to b? made to consume ice-cream and to distribute portions to our friends that it may not waste. A peculiar business it to seem with me and to wonder if ths be an economy or not, though on my mentioning these matters Mrs Shaun with a show’ of pertness to declare I had eaten of two generous portions myself and as that did prevent me consuming other victuals ’twere ea. y to s?e this was economy and no room for complaint. My attention drawn to the newsprints to a new word, the manner of it being “hospitising,” which hath been coined by the Archbishop Averill though not yet certain of its meaning. Some pother about exhibits in the Southland Court and men to glibly offer money that there may be changes, but there be obstacles and among these the news there will be an extra cost of £5OO for the work and the Court already £l6OO behind in its accompts, and the chance of finding sites for these exhibits worthy of them in other parts

said to be remote. A ticklish question and one on which it were wise to move with caution, lest injustice be done and cash which might be used to pay off the deficit employed in this business. NOVEMBER 24. —This day to rise and my cold heavier on me, but with the aid of the lemon and glycerine as recommended by my fellow townsman Howard Foster a marked improvement, though there be loud complaining from my spouse in that I have reduced the stock of her hand lotion in my quackery. To the city and there to meet with my physician and he to declare there be two chirurgeons of the same name in the city and confusion like to result, but I to declare this may be avoided with ease in that one may be known as the Red and the other Black, or failing this from their places of abode, one the Lowlander and the other a Highlander, but on his demuring that both suggestions may imply a criticism I to have it that one change his name to Kelvin. Still the man dissatisfied and I to say I will have both of them before the Chief, whose wisdom approacheth n'gh unto mine own on occasion, that he settle the business out of hand. To this there be no answer wherein I did see proof of the Chief# mightiness in dealing with his fellows of the strange nation, or mayhap my physician to know how his decision will fall, but on this to say nothing lest he to discover in what manner my mind doth work. At tennis this day and a mighty battle from which I to emerge with credit though luck did favour my opponents and so give them the set. NOVEMBER 25.—T0 rise early this day and to shave my chin with great care so that I do leave no scar and less stubble, the reason for this being that this day hath been set aside for a visit to the portrait-maker and he anxious to preserve my features with other and lesser 1 ghts with whom I do temporarily associate. Also to don my clothes which do best display my figure and to arrive at Sam’s in fair time. Great pains taken in the making of this portrait but despite all this to harbour grave fears for the success of the venture since though I did watch closely and obey all the directions there be no sign of a member of the feathered tribe issuing from the camera as I did have assurances of mine Aunt Jemina, now with God, in the days of my nonage. In the evening to an excellent dinner where I did eat of such excellent South, land lamb as never before hath passed my lips. Much fine speaking in every way such a dinner as I do Ike to grace, and so to bed in great content. NOVEMBER 26.—This day on my wife declaring there may be work done in the garden to remind her it be necessary to overhaul the car that she may to her visiting this day. This to appease the woman, but on my inspecting the machine that there may be a show of industry to discover there hath been a leakage of petrol with the running of the engine and no cause thereat I may assign. To peruse the Book of Words with industry, but search as I can no word do I find to throw any light on this strange behaviour, but to turn off ever}’ tap, gadget and mooswa I do see and to begin my search of the Book once more with cross-references to mine own library. Mre Shaun to intervene with suggestions and on my replying to these she to declare with some warmth that with so much petrol lying about it were dangerous for me to use such language, whereat she to retire with a hoity-toity that she will cancel her engagements. Thereupon I to find the solution in these ills by the ringing of my garage man, but he unable to advise me over the telephone and to despatch a knowing fellow who did remove a small float, blow on it and after replacing it go h s ways without delay but I to note all with diagrams in my Book of Words so that an similar symptoms be disclosed I shall be mine own doctor and thus be ‘ stronger in the eyes of mine own family, though, privily I to be very hurt that the tap Mrs Shaun did urge me to turn I to find from this fellow to be the first proper step to take in this business, but of this nothing to the woman lest she to become headstrong and puffed up with pride. NOVEMBER 27.—Wakened this day by such noises as I did fear the Poultrymen to be electing a new secretary in mine own house, but to d : scover it to be my daughter who would rejoice on this her birthday, which did mean that there be no further hope of sleep and I to express my approval of many presents wh : ch she d'd produce at my bedside. To learn from her that she hath a “tunner” umbrella and a bed for her dollies w : th bed clothes which may be removed. At this to commend Mrs Shaun for the inculcation of domestic tastes in the young but to advise her that a min'ature lawnmower and an axe to be of great advantage to the growing daughter of our house. To learn with great satisfaction that the Southland cricketers do so oassert themselves that their prowess rout the varlets from Dunedin. To ask if this victory be any way due to the relief felt by all cricketers that there will be a steady revenue from the Amateur Sports Trust Fund, but to learn to my sorrow the Otago team by no means as strong as may be put into the field. Returning to my home at six o'clock to find a birthday party in full swing and such a noise that I did retire to the neighbouring blacksmithy for peace until ’twere time to return to my office for the culFvation of my patch. And so later to bed anhungered but to hear the party a uccess and no more till the passage of another year, for which I to offer up a solemn prayer and then to sleep.