Shaun’s Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 19389, 1 November 1924, Page 11 (Supplement)

Shaun’s Patch.

Little Nonsense Now and Then.”—Hndibras.

The British Elections have given a new significance to the phrase: Up with Baldwin. Ramsay MacDonald has secured one great advantage out of the election battle: he now knows that the British people do not like the Russian Bolshie. If F. M. B. Fisher keeps plugging away he may get in some day on a sympathy vote. I suppose when the Ulster cops arrested De Valera one of them said: “Eamonn.” pabriel should be useful to sit with at Auction, because he would always have the last trump. Human progress is shown in the fact that the owner of a horse used to fear the tick, but the owner of the motor-car can rarely get on without it. O wad some pow’r the giftie gie'us To see ourselves as others see us. But if it did tliere would be a series of recriminatory discussions which would be terminated only by decisions by one half of the world never to speak to the other. Pale complexions are de rigeur in the select circles of London. With the Reds going out of fashion there has been a slump in rouge. A close friend: One who doesn’t shout. A DYSPEPTIC MUSE. I’d almost grovel Before a novel In which, with mighty rages The whole bang lot Of people got Killed in the first three pages. The Gaming Act discussion reminds me that as certainties and the clock play an important part in racing, someone in the House should have said: “O temporal O mores!” I do hope the Honey Control Board will set about bringing into force the registration of bees. If every bee is compelled to carry a number, the man who is stung will have some means of redress. By issuing annual licenses, too, local authorities will be able to raise revenue. This reminds me that the Town Council is losing its grip. Instead of fussing about the receipts from the Tepid Baths, why doesn’t it pass a new by-law insisting that everybody be licensed —any purpose may be decided on—at a fee of, say, 20/- a head, all fees to be paid within a month. Before the by-law can be upset by the Courts the Corporation will have a goodly sum in hand, and then it can start all over again with another raid. * * « * * PARTED. Dearest, the season is ended, Gone are the days divine; You must go back to whitebait I must go back to wine. Back to the trout and salmon Back to the stand-by beef, Right through the weary months, dear. Till March shall bring relief. How can we live without them? How can we let them go— Oysters you loved so well, dear? Oysters I worshipped so. Oysters I worshipped so. The other evening I read in the newspapers The Advisory Committee of the House of Lords adopted the sub-committee’s recommendation enabling covering of the pitch after eleven in the morning of the day preceding a match until the latter begins and re-protection thereafter when necessary and in any case nightly during continuation, but the covering will be removable if it is fine at seven in the morning This interest in cricket well befits the Peers of the Realm. Presumably the House of Lords took up this matter to while away the tedium of the election period. If the Legislative Council in New Zealand would follow this excellent lead I am sure the game would benefit. In any case the Legislative Councillors would have something to think about between prayers. With there frequent elections the British voter will begin to regard politics as a form of the Cabinet Trick. Great failures. Beau BrumflwL The Liberals. Anti-Prohibition. Prohibition. “I will be a sister to you.” t Motor by-laws. Damp crackers. Ludendorff. The Bride's first pastry, id in the £. History repeats itself. Germany went into war with a remark about a scrap of paper; after the war when anyone spoke re marks it was to treat them as scraps of paper. You can always tell the occupation of a man by his habits. For instance: Watch a man fishing. If, when he takes the hook from the fish’s mouth, he says: “Open wide,” he’s a dentist. If man were given the chance to vote on the question whether in the new fashions women’s skirts be short, the eyes would have it.

The floating population: It can be seen coming from Wallacetown. • • « « • One consolation we have is that many ot the most recent developments in photography never get into print. MINE OWN PEPYS. October 25—Up betimes and to my garden wherein I to apply with gusto tho odorous manure sent me by the Mackintosh. Mrs Shaun the whiles having the doors and windows sealed and to sprinkle Lavender Water and spices liberally in the baronial halls. This work done I to a bath generously doctored with M. Moray’s bath salts and then to tennis, where I did acquit myself with moderate success. In th© late afternoon I to my home and there to be greeted by scents which did make me think that all the drains under the control of the corporation hath been on strike also to hear loud lamentations from Mrs Shaun and on investigation to learn that my daughter, in emulation of her sire, have been distributing what was left of the manure, applying it vigorously to herself and to the baronial cat and its offspring. To depart softly for the city and io Charley Gray’s for a night of music and peace, but on my return Lord was there not a bickering with my wretched spouse! She to demand that when in future I do have manures to put on the garden they shall be entirely used or shall be de-odorised, and the woman to refuse to be consoled with the thought that both my daughter and the kitten will grow apace as a result of this adventure. And truth to tell I hope it may be so. October 27—Abroad early it being Labour Day and therefore to put in rows of French beans in honour of the titular deity of this day. Then to my tennis and to hear of a strange adventure. It is told me that on a night an important personage be astonished to find a large assemblage to see him drive off in a friend’s motor-car, the friend being equally lit-up as the coach, but tho explanation be that the congregation hath designs on a certain two hidden in the rear of the car. This they to extract with guile and to convey it away with great rejoicing, but they to discover later that the motor friend hath not been so full as was thought in that the keg be empty and they be smitten with a great dolour. This to please me in that the nippers, be nipped though the important one be also saddened in that the send-off be not what he had hoped. October 28—Up early on hearing Mrs Shaun with great show of excitement that already the kitten be growing and hath this day leapt on to a chair to th© admiration of its mother. This it now be certain is the result of the application of the Mackintosh blend of manure, but I to shudder at the thought of expense if my daughter do similarly shoot up and require new attire and larger shoes, these same being of great expense and my accompts not strong enough to stand this strain. To my garden where my beans be making progress and to note that one bean which heretofore had not shown above ground, bu£ now risen that its head may be above the aromatic dust. Truly a wonderful happening and one concerning the" which I must talk with the Chief and eke Jay Tee Lilburn© when next we meet. October 29—Abroad with a great lethargy and to watch the operations of a mighty man who hath been engaged to remove my front fence that the baronial estate may be in the front of fashion. This man to remove a lofty cabbage tree which for long hath annoyed me. A fine working and greatly to improve the view but in leaving much wood for me to cart away and to chop I to have a poor opinion of the results, but Mrs Shaun to say she is well pleased and that I be sadly in need of exercise. October 30—To the city and there to learn that the sleuth of whom 1 did writ© but a few days gone hath been honoured by the attention of a motor-car borrower who did take his bus from the shadow of the police station and after the driving of it and the smashing of front wheels to deposit it with a show of humour, for I would dearly wish to embrace him, beneath a sign by the corporation saying Rubbish must not be left here. These things to make me pleased that .1 own not a motorcar. With satisfaction to learn that Dr Truby King hath launched his Karitane Home project with a fine speech in which he did spend much time extolling the beauties of the rhododendron and to show pictures of it to the pleasure of himself and his audience. A strange man but a mighty fellow and worthy of great honour. October 31—Up betimes and to feast upon the oyster with grave solemnity in that this is the last day of the season, concerning the which I to compose a fine ode. The night having been frosty I to find my potatoes slightly touched and my beans blackened so that I make great dole until meeting with the Cliicfs partner who mourneth potatoes in flower cut down and ruined. This to console me that those who were ahead of me have suffered and be put aback. Thus showing the gardener who would beat the pistol shall b© punished. And so to bed in grei»‘ content.