Shaun’s Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 19294, 12 July 1924, Page 9

Shaun’s Patch.

“"A Little Nonsense Now and ThenJ*-—Hudibras.

If the victorious progress of the Blues is not interrupted we will be able to talk about a run on garters. ***** With poets the trouble is that they go from bad to verse. A Club for Authors: A Pen for Critics. When I see a man cranking his car with a handle, I realise what a wrench it is to ignore a self-starter. If you study the position carefully you’ll see that the pessimist cannot hope to be right—that would require an optimistic streak in him. The member for Gisborne seems to be wrath about the Vestey’d interest in meat works. The Political Three R’s: Reds. Recrimination. Reductions. Take hold of hope! Even for the ugliest of men there Is some woman who will see in him something to admire. And failing her, there are the movies. After to-night, he will evidently Pharus well. Hints for Card Players: When you have dealt watch your opponents, and by fhese signs you will be helped. If a Jew rubs his eyes, he has Diamonds. If the climber straightens his chips, he has Clubs. If the young girl sighs, reckon on Heart in her hand. If an Irishman spits on his hands, he holds good Spades. ***** Unless the judges at the Olympiad mend their ways in trying to make the com petitors mend their ways, the walking events will develop into a walk out. * ♦ » * The First Personal Singular: Adam. “Fairfax” sends me the following: THE GREAT NORTH ROAD. I am the Great North Road By motorists I’m curst; Of all the bally roads they know, They say I am the worst. For all the faults that they now find, The Council is to blame, And all the bumps and potholes, too Are surely to their shame. How can they hope to have me firm And strong and solid, too, If on my surface now and then They throw a stone or two. If they would only fix me right, Give me a decent show, Then surely I would BE a road That all would like to know. Then all your cars could glide along As merry as a bell, I know just now they say I am The road that leads to —well! But take my tip and listen please: Don’t leave me on my own; Just try to do the right thing nowGive me a decent loan. American politicians, who like doing the unusual, will want to curse the conventions. ***** Since the automobile came in the pedestrian often looks run down. If half of the American nation doesn’t know how the other half lives, it’s not the fault of the Senate’s investigators. THE FARMER’S LAND. The farmer gazed upon his land And he was very old, He’d worked upon the place for years And stored but little gold. He was so old he thought that he Would sell out and retire. But first of all he had to find A reasonable buyer. At last there came a man who said The property he’d buy, Unless of course the farmer’s price Was very much too high. The farmer said: ‘You need not mind About that little fact”, The buyer said: “I won’t because The price is fixed by act.” But then there came another cove Who offered to acquire The ancient farm and let the old, Old farmer chap retire. But made the self-same bid which was Determined by the law, And as all gambling was debarred The contest was a draw. The farmer gazed upon his land And said: “It must be nice, Like merchant folk to sell to those Who'll give the highest price.” THE POLITICAL SITUATION. Colonel Atguards entered blowing his moustache away from its base in furious gusts. He was perturbed. “And what do you think of it now?” I asked in my cheeriest tones, but the gallant old fellow answered only with a grrh and a word which cannot be set on the linotype. “This Lysnar fellow, brmmp!” he said, “This Lysnar fellow, brrmp! After the Poverty Boys got into trouble he whines because a British company vestey’d money in the concern. He; talks about running a farmers’ line of steamers, brmp! The Admiral Codrington. eh? And this new party? Can it be taken seriously? Why Joe Hanan hasn’t even coquetted with it —the whole thing’s moonshine, a trick of some fellow who wants to liven up a dull debate. By Jove, in my time we would have had the fellow before the bar of the House and made him shout all round for an insult of that kind. Massey’s too easy-going. More firmness—we are not what we used to be, brmmp!” And he departed, his moustache working tempestously.

I notice that after the Prince of Wales had shaken hands with Carr the latter won his heat. The All Blacks will have to make sure that they are similarly helped when they meet England, unless, of course the English Rugby Union objects. * * * • • The other afternoon it was disclosed that Pental halon had won his heat at the Olympic Games, but I am more interested in seeing whether Relay can snatch a victory in the face of heavy odds. * * * • • She sits beside the open window Gazing far away, As the sun is slowly rising ..j On this wintry day. She is so fair and so demure, And so petite Perhaps I should be gravely kneeling At her little feet. Now, I sit and watch her sourly Cursing at my fate, Seeing not the maiden’s beauty, Working up a hate; For who could not with case deflect Friend Cupid’s shaft, When she keeps up the railway windotf And the draught. MINE OWN PEPYS. July 5. —Up betimes and to my bath where I did carol prettily, though Mrs Shaun did later declare I seem to be suffering from a cold and to require physa-ks, and on my explaining that the running of water into a bath doth move me to song, she to say in future she will make assurance that my bath be filled from buckets, which showett me, what I have long feared, that hej appreciation of the Arts is not all that might be desired. To the Rugby Park to assist in the jousting, but Lord these Stars to be terrible fellows when they are in earnest. I am astonished to learn that some knave hath proposed they be corrupted with many twos which, no doubt, be a coin of the realm as were pieces of eight) that they will lose a tourney, thus exciting the populace anti making larger gates for the Rugby Union. This I do hear the Stars do dismiss with scorn saying that if the twos be delivered before the match there will be doubt about the issue thereof. In this I am pleased that they resist these guileful words. To the Bluff where I did speak, but, there being rough weather no oysters were offered for my regaling, and so to bed in bitter disappointment. July 7.—This day I did wake to the sound of music, discovering that these sweet strains be coming from an instrument played by my daughter, who doth thereupon sing with a great working of her arms and her tummy, saying , thereby she doth perform as do I in my vocal exercises. In this Ido detect the hand of my spouse that she would silence me by these manners, but with a mighty strong will I did smile and compliment her, though privily I deplore this unwifely conduct, which doth make a mockery of me before my children. To the city where there be many moans that the All Blacks go down to defeat in far-off Sydney, but in this I am consoled by the Chief, who declareth that they have not lost their sea-legs and mayhap seek to encourage certain betting men. July B.—Abroad but slowly as this day I had promised that I would devote some few hours to the preparation of kindling and other timbers against the cold nights we be having. To my woodshed and there to find my sawinghorse hath been badly injured and that my saw be not sharp, so that perforce there may be small work until these implements be repaired and made whole. In the evening I to Frank Taylor’s where he to chide me that I speak disparaging of certain sausage rolls, but, and in this I thank the Lord, he to provide many of them again so that I be tempted to eat lustily and this time without headache, thus showing I am indeed in good health. July 9.—Up betimes and to hear Mrs Shaun declare she must have a new party gown and, on my suggesting blue plush, she to say I have but indifferent taste in these matters and she will seek only to know how our accompts show. I thereupon to declare we will be ruined an there be any waste on frippery and vain things, and also that I must assuredly buy me certain mighty tomes. At this she to depart, returning later with silks of divers colours so that I do fear for my creditors. This day the Hockey jousting be held with no winners and the tourney likely to go many moons save through the exhausting of the referees. July 10.—Roused by Mrs Shaun who doth say that while abroad yesterday sh' did think of me and after seeing het tiring women did to the chandler and from him did procure a bright, sharp saw that I may prepare the wood for the fireplace in comfort. A sorry business which doth please me but ill, and from which I can see much trouble to come. To the city where I read in the newsprint that the All Blacks have been mightily victorious, which doth assure me that these fellows do know the game in all its departments. July 11.—This day my daughter did place upon me indignities by a dusting of my face with a powder puff so that I am pale, but I am made to see how good cometh from evil in that Mrs Shaun, who doth own this puff, believing me ill, makes a great showing that I must not labour at the woodpile this day, this to my satisfaction. To my dentist who doth set out on a voyage of discovery, but finding nothing saith beneath his beard: No luck, whereat I am comforted and so to my tasks with a light heart, though my wife be still making of new robes for some rout at which she will disport herself, an outbreak of frivolity which doth cause me no little concern.