Shaun’s Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 18834, 29 May 1920, Page 11

Shaun’s Patch.

"A little nonsense now and then” —"Hudibras.” Hew well these things turn out! The Minister of Finance in Poland is M. Grabski. And yet Shakespeare asks: "What's in a name ?'

A few days ago 1 noticed the interpretation given by a minister in Auckland of various church bells. The story reminds me of one that used to bo told of Father Corcoran who wanted to ir.stal a peal in his parish church. He went to Doohm, Downing, Uonan, Doonan and O'Brien. "A hunched pounds from aeh av ycz will provide bells that will ring everlasting praise av your ginerosity," he told them. The priest's appeal was irresistible, and the quintet "coughed up” without a murmur. The bells, were erected and Father Corcoran was a proud man. O'Brien, however, seemed uneasy. On the second Sunday be consulted lh« priest. "Didn't ye tell me. Father, that if Oi gave CIUO for the bells they’d ring iverlasting praise av me ginerosity?” "Oi did. O'Brien, Oi did. An’ we can hear thim now." O'Brien listened, "Oi don't hear thim,” he cried. "Listen now—'Doo-hoo-land, Do-how-mng. Do-ho-nun. Do-hoo-nan,' and divil a word av O'Brien !'

j 11 ;ir« i rang the bell and the old medico Answered the summons that bade him to go 'lnto the night when the Wind was so keen, I The roughest of nights that he ever hud ! seen, ! Out on a mission of mercy, and lie ; Said left -handed prayers most vehemently. , Snudi-pox was raging and briskly he went ; To kill or to cure --he knew what it meant ; When dealing with such an iiiieetious I disease i To slacken m duly at dictates of rase. I Forth in the night and at last he arrives ] Where the sultcring victim he hopes yet j survives. Frozen quite stiff and his feet blocks of ice j He's in at the bedside in half of a trice, i Only to hear us he gallantly goes "Oh, doctor, a pimple's appeared on her j Ill'S'.'' 1 I | These politicians! Haring the Home I Rule debate Mr Lloyd George twitted tne i Irish with having placed Gaelic names at ! street corners in Iniblin "to the confusion :of honest patriots.' And all the time he I most have known that in Ins own Waits there were places like Dwgyfykni. Captain Throsscll, V.C., is being prosecuted by the State Taxation Department of Western Australia for arrears oi lax on his I farm while he was awav at the war. I j Id! Up the air with cheers that lustily Betray our worship of his bravery When in the fight lie dealt decisive w hacks Fpon the lurk arid on (lie hitler Hun! But now that all the lighting has been done He may come home and light anew a tax! * * * s * * Lady Bonham Carter. Mr .Asquith’s sharp i toughed daughter, has been at it again. , This time it was Lloyd George, who, site declared, had asked her to join the Tories. ' "The Brittle Minister,” she said, "lost his I great opportunity in drawing up the I'euce Treatv. It was characteristic of him to | think he had only pawned his soul, when ' really he had hc-t it. He gambled m poll - cies and invested in none. He's douhlejointed, mentally and morally.” Lady Boo- ; ham Carar has earned her place in the j House! j ****** To vaccinate nr not; (hat is the question: Whether ’tis better on the arm to sutler The scalpel of an outraged doctor, Or go despite D.H.O.’s troubles And to perdition send 'im '.' A scratch some lymph - No more; and by that scratch they say we end Risk of infection by this hated pox Which small assails us, ’tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. .-V scratch; —some lymph ; Some limb-—perchance a sore! that we may rub; For on that lymph what bumps may come When we arc working at our daily toil, Must give us [muse: there s the respect That gives our hesitating such long life ; For who would bear the twinge that comes each time The arm is pressed, the sum it costs To get the medico, the law's delays Put on by D.H. office, and the cuts The patient from the vaccinator takes, When he himself, though he’s a comact, might Laugh at them all? who would grunt and swear Impatient i’ the waiting room But that the dread of quarantine, That undcsired mansion tor wnose iiLs No normal fellow yearns, tills ns still, And makes us rather bear the scars we get Than risk the sojourn that we know not of. Thus small-pox does make victims of us ail For doctor’s revenue, and people’s resolution Is sicklied o’er till they too join the throngs That tread the surgery each blessed moment And keep the doc in action.

It was in Dunedin, I’m told, that a young lady at the citizen’s ball was requested to dance with the Prince of Wales. She was so nervous that she declined the invitation, but her proud parents told her that it was a “command" and so off she went. On the way Sir Lionel the Guardian told her that she was not to say anything r to H.R.H. unless he made some remark that demanded an answer. The advice was | not necessary. The girl was so ncr\ ous that she could not say a word, in spite of the Royal dancer’s effort to start a conversation. Suddenly she could contain herself no longer and she blurted out: “Oh, Prince, you do look lovely in your naval uniform.” And the Royal One replied: “May be, but the damned hat is too tight." After that all went merrily.