VAGRANT VERSE

Southland Times, Issue 18078, 3 May 1919, Page 4

VAGRANT VERSE

STANDARDISATION. (Written for the Southland Times). Twas after the war that I came to be bora And cried in a world that was sad and forlorn; But both of my parents, I soon realised, Were not much concerned for a babe standardised, 'Cos to them I appeared (as I now know I did) Just exactly the same as 'most any folks’ kid. I grew to a boy and I went off to school. Where ev’rything went to a standardised rule, For all the boys’ brains were the very same size, Which is just what you get if you must standardise. The teachers they never had very much bother Because all the boys were as good as each other. The years fluttered by and I grew to a man. And took up my courting according to plan. But found ev’ry girl to the same scale devised Because like the boys they had been standardised, And I never was certain, however, I tried, That I hadn’t some other bloke’s girl at my side. Later I married and then began strife Because I could never tell which was my wife. They were all the same shape and were all the same size — There are no variations when you standardise — The very same feet and the very same waist And in dress ev’ry woman had standardised taste. Each man used to think what another would think, He’d eat the same foodstuff and take the same drink, Ran the same business and sim’lar things prized And nobody led, they were all standardised. Even at pictures we saw the same plays Though that was" the same in competitive days. But always in football the fun would begin, ’Cos sides kept to standard and neither could win, While horses at races could ne’er win a prize— For breeders and jocks had to all standardise. All men sang one song, and they read but one poem, They lived in one street and they’d one kind of home. I died and I left this poor earth in my turn And all souls were standard so none went to burn; But when Peter moaned that, despite checks devised. The experts slipped in and made Heav’n standardised, I wanted to join those who.’d passed out in sin; But Peter yelled out; “You’re a sport; come on in.” Shaun O’Sullivan. Invercargill, May 2