A Little Deal in Kaffirs

Southland Times, Issue 13284, 10 August 1895, Page 2 (Supplement)

A Little Deal in Kaffirs

‘Piesents—clothes—honeymoon, How on.. earth can one leave out either ?’ anted George Littl cash of himself, earnes’ly drilling his penholder in'o a much furrowed f. rehead. ‘There never was a wedding without presents. One can hardly get married without clothes. As for n> honeymoon—why, Hetty would be justified in cryiig off before the very altar.’ What had placed our friend in this

unpleasant quandary was, to begin witb, Uncle Piper’s cheque for 1500. Itiwas a cheque to matry Hetty and set up house witb, and qua cash was satisfactory enough ; but accompanied with the wiseavuncu'ar injunction, 'George, marry on a cash basis—cash, nind—or never look me -nthe face again.’ Such excellent advice, [ Im a L5OO cheque, it is impossible for a nephew to spurn—especially a nephew in love. And then,when be bad this gold-mine of untold wealth in bis p 'cher, and a full ocean of happiness to look forward

to, George fell into the toils of that plausible fellow Tom bcherer, of the well-known City firm of Mouton

Soberer and Walker. Scherer had such a taking way of remembering, and cherishing affectionately one’s Christian name.

'Ah I Congratulate you, my dear George. Coming off next month, eh? Happy man I Some of you fellows have tie devil’s own luck. And just in time, too, for me to put you on to one of the nicest little chances of making a comfortable nest-egg for the happy homeone of the prettiest chances you ever had. But come in’o Pipps’s and have a coffee.’

Pipps’s, that long, low, smoky ‘dive’ In Throgmorton street, was crowded with easy-mannered gentlemen in silk hats, or in no hats at all, who conversed in pairs and in gronps with electrical energy. They could not hear themselves for their own talking. ‘Sell at fivs-tbree-eight,’ ‘Book you thousand,’ ‘Buy six-quarter.’ ‘Sell,’ ‘Boy,’ ‘Panjandrums,’ ‘Rhcdes,’ ‘Barney’s stock,’ ‘Struck Bibble-bobble reef,’ ‘Last crushing !en ounces’—such were some of the scraps of jargon that emerged above the din in flashes of comparative silence; whilst ever and anon agent'eman would draw from his vest-pocket a little notebook and pencil some entry or other Almost deafened at first by the hubbub George Littlecash was soon in the whirlpool himself, an eager listener to Mr Scherer’s glowing tales indicative of the pecuniary advantage certain to result from a small punt in the South African ‘boom ’

‘Eighty thou’ in one deal; my dear G'Or'e— what, d’ye think <f that, eh? Springett went nap on- Gold Bug Extensions—put on every penny he could •crape together till he hadn't a cent to •wear by—and came out eighty thousand golden sovereigns to the good. And yet you say it isn’t worth trying, My dear George—-faint heart never maiiJiinsd a fair lady, if it won her. The upshot was that George figurtd up hit liabilities against his cheqU’,and handed over to the trusty Bcherer 1 250, to be converted in two days, or some Wh jeasoißftbla into L2 f SQQ,

‘Done 1’ cried Scherer, as he pencilled the little transaction in bis note-tidok. And ‘done’ George was, for neXptlay when he looked at ‘Mines’ in the jMoney column, be found Gold Bugs?’ had crawled downstairs three-eights. V; ’ ‘ What do you advise, Scherer ?’ asked George when they met id the City. . . , . ‘Never ad vise,my dear George, Don’t do it—on principle. ‘Cut your losses; lot your profits run’ is our old wheeze; but it’s no good being too hasty. ' This fall is simply due to somebody being in too big a hurry to pocket a profit. But you judge for yourself, dear boy; that’s what I advise.’ Next day Gold Bugs had crawled downstairs two or three steps more. ‘lt’s nothing, George,’ said the optimistic Scherer; ‘weak holders—couldn’t last it out —that’s my explanation Still, don’t be guided by me.’ x Next day after that Gold Bugs had fallen so heavily that you couldn’t find anybody to pick them up again at any price; and just then, of course, to make amende,George Littlecash was reminded by his tailor of ‘that little account’ which had been overlooked for so many, many quarters. It was in this doleful hour as he sat savagely biting his lips, knitting his brows, and inwardly cursing Scherer and all his works, that he glanced vaguely at a copy of the Evening Intelligence. ‘Renew Activity in Rand Shares’ was the line in large type that caught the disconsolate investor's eye as the paper lay on his desk. ‘Confound Rand shares!' he ejaculated fervently, wheeling round as though from a too affectionate snake, Just then, as luck had it, in popped the beaming and expansive Scherer. ‘Why, George, my dear boy, you’re looking as ghastly as James Canham Read when he was 1 taken from life,’ as the waxworks bill says. Nothing aeriou", 1 hope ? Gal chucked you ?’ ‘Look here, Scherer ; I don’t want you blarneying me again. I've had quite enough of Rand shares, thanks—in fact a long sight too much.’ ‘Rand shares ! Why, my dear fellow,’ Scherer returned, with a look of pained virtue, ‘you don’t really mean to tell me that’s what’s put you down in the dumps—that little matter of two-fifty, when you stood to win as many thou sands I Bless my soul!'— q cherer’s eye had just caught the line in the Evening Infe'l'gence—‘have you seen 'he paper to-night ?’ ‘No,’ replied George, whose back was turned—‘nor want to, I’m sick of the who'e thing. You knew, for 1 told you, I couldn’t risk anything under the circumstances unless it was absolutely certain.’

‘And that’s wbat you call ‘risk’?’ ‘ 0 bang I—l know it’s my own fault—only don’t bother me with any more of these fine tale.’.’ ‘Now, I call this very unkind of you, George,’ said Scherer, injured , ‘ I do, indeed.’ And so saying, whil.-t he kept one eye on George’s back, Mr Scherer c st the other down the money column. When it rear bed ‘Gold Bugs’ that partir ular eye flared up like a fusee. * Now, w hat should you say if Gold Bugs went up again to five and a quarter, eh ?’ ‘Rot!’ ‘Right you are, dear boy. ‘Rot’ is it J Well, well. You think I misled you about that little deal, eh 1’ ‘ Well, if you want plain speaking, Mr Schere-, I think you did.’ ‘And you and I friends, George! This is what .comes of trying to do a man a good turn ! Now, wbat do you say if I offer to take those shares off your hands again, since you’re so cut up over ’em ?’ ‘At a shilling apiece I suppose. Ha, ha 1’

‘A shilling apiece 1 No, sir ! Not at ‘a shilling apiece.’ I'll give you what; you gave for ’em, and a ‘shillng a piece’ over to soothe your injured feelings. What d’ye think of that 1’ Mr Scherer found his magnanimity so exhilarating that he drew himself up, threw open bis oat, and slipped George’s Evening Intelligence into his own pocket. ‘You doubt my honesty and good faith, eh, my dear sir,’ he said, pulling out his cheque-book and a roll ot notes. ‘Last week you paid me L 250 ; if you will be so good as to hand me back the scrip I shall have much pleasure in handing you my cheque for L 262 10.’. Or, p’raps,’ he added, wih cutting sarcasm, ‘since you doubt my honesty, you would prefer Bink of England notes ?’ George who had risen, half dazed, had just enough presence of mind to gasp, in bis as'onisbment—- ‘ If it’s all the same to you, I should,’ ‘Certainly, my dear sir.’ ‘l’m only too delighted to hand it back to you,’ said George fervently, as be passed over the scrip and received the crisp notes and gleaming gold in exchange, ‘ And yet, strange to say,’ laughed Scheier,‘l can assure you I’m not the less delighted to take it back. Ha ! ba J ha 1 Hal ha 1 ba 1’ For some moments the cachinnation prevented speech. When Scherer found breath he remarked to his bewildered friend, ‘ My dear George, let me give a word of honest advice—in fact two words. Don’t doubt your friend's honesty again ; and when you hold active shares keep a sharp eye on thepapers—ha, ha, ha 1’ ‘ The papers V echoed Littlecash, ‘who, no ; I haven’t seen to-night’s paper yet,’ and he struck a bell.

‘Yes sir 1’ said the office boy. ‘ Where’s to-night’s evening paper, Tippetts ?’ • Ain’t come in yet, sir.’ ‘Oh yes it has,’ corrected Mr Scherer, choking with laughter as he produced the Evening Intelligence. ‘I just—just —mechanically picked it up for a moment myself.’

But the Office Boy triumphed. ‘ That’s a hold won, sir ; to-night's i ain't coms in not yet, sir.’ ‘ Not come in V shrieked Fcherer, turning to the dati. ‘Why good lordt!he paper’s a m .nth old !’ Mr Scherer’s exclamations as he sank into George’s chair were so shockingly profat.e that oven the office boy turned pale and expec'ed’a flash of lightning. George got hia friend out of the office at last, but made a point of handing him back the odd twelve pounds ten—J to Boothe his feelings,’ The weddingtook place, and Uncle Piper will never know the particulars of George'a first—and last—little vMsjre on the 8;oek i ohnngei I