Miscellaneous

Southland Times, Issue 9503, 27 April 1887, Page 4

Miscellaneous

A song without words.-— The song the teakettle sings. The Mobile Register lays :— ' Down here in Mobilf, Oain would have been acquitted by an intelligent jury in ten minutes after they had retired from the box.' Prospective lodger : — And is there a fire in the room ? Landlady : No, but there is the most beautiful picture of aa Italian sunßet you ever saw. ' When does a man weigh most ? ' is tbe heading of an article ia a health journal. Tkat is an easy one. He weigks most when he steps on another fellow's corns. An lowa railread conductor who found a pocket-book containing £60 and kuntod up the owner, who proved to be an a<?ed granger, and his wife, was met with this remark from the old lady : •It wat a good thing someone seen you pkk it up, or we never would have got it again. 1 ' I think,' said the demure Miss Waitslittle, ' that a Christmaß present from pa and ma would be .very nice, you know, but what I really would like—' ' Would be a Christmas present from Bomeone out of the family — ' ' And perhaps willing to come in,' she responded, quietly. ' How did it happen that you made encfe rice sausage yesterday V asked a customer of his butcher. 'Well, you see,' explained tbe butcher, ' a sporting man gave me a pointer, and — ' ' Say no more,' said the customer, turning pale and turning quick to go home. LuttTeli (says Moore) once told of an liishman who, having jumped into the wawr to save a man from drowning, upon receiving sixpence from the pereoa as a reward for the ■ervice, looked first at the sixpence, tbea at him, and at last exclaimed, ' I'm overpaid for the job.'