FACETIAE.

Southland Times, Issue 2916, 19 October 1877, Page 3

FACETIAE.

Give neither counsel nor salt till you are asked for it.

There is noman clever enough to know all the evil which he does.

Take things as they come — take them easy — and take a good many of them.

When a man shows by the ehangefulness of his plans that he has no confidence in himself, he must not complain if his friends lose conudence in him.

An American paper observes : The Tesans are fond of a three-handed game, in which one man holds cards ; another, a revolver ; third (coroner) inquest. An Illinois editor having- lost his scissors, writes : ' We are called upon to mourn the loss of one of the best and most trustworthy assistants the world ever knew.'

Cleopatra has always been wondered at for her extravagance in dissolving a pearl in her drink. A great many men in our time have dissolved greater fortunes in drinks th&n the beautiful Egyptian.

A fast youth arrived at a restaurant. ' What have you got F ' Almost everything,' was the reply,} ' Almost everything! Well, give me a plate of that." ' Certainly. One plate of Laslii' yelled the waiter.

Not an Easy Task. — A new prison chaplain was recently appointed in a certain town. He was a man who greatly magnified his office,and entering one of the cells on the first round of inspection, he with much pomposity thus addressed the prisoner who occupied it : ' Well, sir, do you know who lam P' ' No ; nor I dinna caFe,' was the nonchalant reply. ' Well I'm your new chaplain.' ' Oh, ye are ? Weel, I hae heard of ye before.' ' And what did you hear ?' returned the chaplain, his curiosity getting the better of his dignity. ' Weel, I heard that the last twa kirks ye were in ye preached them baith empty ; but I'll be hanged jf yell find it such an easy inaitfcer to do the same with this ane J'

A plumber being at work on a ladder near the top of a building in course of erection was hailed from below by a son of the Emerald Isle for a match.but being rather busy he paid no attention to the request. ' Och, be jabers,' said Pat, ' you put me in mind of Joseph and Pharoah's butler : you don't care for a poor man when you're up high yourself.'