HERE AND THERE.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 6260, 5 July 1890, Page 2

HERE AND THERE.

A creditors meeting somewhere up north broke up in good humour. There was nothing in the estate, but the debtor captivated the creditors by saying, ‘’Boys, 1 have no offer tomake at present, but if ever I make a rise I’ll pay you 10a in the

A day or two ago we read of the tricks electricity plays with figures sent along the telegraph wires. A curious change was effected in a message sent from Timaru about the Supreme Oonrt suit respecting a bit of lahd at Orari, between a father and his married daughter. It appeared in some papers with the following 'termination : “ His Honour found this (fraud) disproved, but took time to consider whether the transfer was barred by the provision against marrying.”

Decentralisation is tho wish of the professional politician. Decent realisation is the wish of tho politic tradesman.

Ton members of the present South Australian Parliament describe themselves as “ gentlemen.” In the previous Parliament there were no “ gentlemen.” There was, however, a guarantee of a leaven of respectability in the presence of five “ journalists ”

A story is circulated to the effect that a determined-looking matron forming one of the audience daring the debate on Mr Ballance’s motion said to her neighbour :—"Do I understand that that is the leader of the Opposition, and that ho is attacking the Government ?” Being answered in the affirmative, she ejaculated : “ Bices me ! lie's taking it very easy ! You should just bear me when I’m going for my old man!”

Stanley says, mih a contemptuous shrug, that Emin Bey did not want to leave Central Africa, and returned as soon as ho could, because of a pretty Arab woman whom he left behind him. This will be counterbalanced by the story of Stanley’s rejection by a young English lady before he went to Africa because ho dyed his hair, and that sho accepted him when he returned with an honest white head. Surely he didn’t hang about the interior till he got rid of his grey hairs by thoroughly bleaching them! I f '

Here’s a good story from a Napier paper : —‘ Even an Inspector of Schools doesn’t know everything. At the conversazione at the Atheramm last evening Mr Hill, referring to the departure of Mr Hamilton to Otago, said, ‘ Twelve years have gone by since he and I first met, and since that lime wo have been very old friends, like Abaolom and— ’ the speaker paused, 1 And t’other fellow ’ mildly suggested Mr Hamilton. r J ho Inspector couldn't for the moment think who the 1 other fellow ’ of the Scripture was, and the Bishop of Waiapu interpolated, ' This is the result, of secular education.’ The meeeting roared with laughter, which did not subside until the Inspector excused his mistake, and said his Bible history was evidently getting rusty, but ho meant David and Jonathan."

The following story from Aotes and Queries is no doubt as true as they make them : —A servant boy was sent into the town with a valuable ring. He took it out of its hex to admire it, and, passing over a plank bridge, let it fall on a muddy bank. Not being able to find it, he ran away to sea, finally settled in a colony, made a large fortune, came back after many years, and bought the estate on which he had been servant. One day, while walking over his land with a friend, he came to the plank bridge, and there tpld his story. “I could swear,” said he, pushing his stick into the mud, “ to tho very spot on which the ring dropped." When he withdrew his stick the ring was on the end of it.

A lawyer in Melbourne was laid low with influenza, and a doctor prescribed for him a mustard poultice covering most of his trunk. Next day, while the blister was still smarting, instead of the doctor coming, came a telephonic message—‘Dr is so sorry, but he has got the influenza himself; what is he to do ?’ (meaning no doubt, should he send another doctor). ‘lsbe at the telephone F ’ growled the patient. ‘ Yes.’ * I’ll tell him what to do,’ and he hobbled over to the instrument, and shouted through it ; ‘ Put a mustard poultice all over your blessed car case ; it will become your figure bettor than mine.’ But it was the doctor’s wife who was at the other end.

An Auckland Philosopher is approached by a neighbour by letter, as followsMy wife is always talking about her ami able qualities, her cleverness, and that if it had not been for her I should have gone to the devil long ago, that I am too fond of going out at night, and—well, to cut it short, she is perfect, whilst I am quite the reverse, Now, the facts are that she has a nasty, contradictory temper ; often, in fact, after breakfast is laid I go to work without that necessary meal to save a quiet scene before the servant and children. 1 have borne this for the last ton years, but find it is getting monotonous, so now think a change of menu ■ is necessary. I write this to ask your advice on the subject of a cure. It is true that before marriage I thought I could have oaten her, and only regret now that I did not try to do it. What would you advise mo to do ? Clear out to ’Frisco ; lead a fast life, so give her cause to growl; push her over the whsrf; or hand her over to the Professor’s wife at Mount Eden ? Sorry for troubling you, dear ‘ Mereutio,' but I feel that unless ! have somebody's sympathy and advice, I shall ‘bust,’ -Yours truly, Henpecked” In reply “Mercutio” recommends patience, a profession of penitence, a smile and a kiss of good humour, and if these do not avail, then pushing over the wharf." might be,tried.