VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 3309, 9 November 1883, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A widower residing in Bermondsey, who suspected that his servant girl was in the habit of using paraffin for lighting the fire, put a little nitro-glycerine in the oil can, as a test. Contrary to expectation nothing happened ; but a day or two latter the girl came and asked him to subscribe something towards buying a new stove for her poor old mother as theirs bad fallen to pieces, “ M.H.F.,” formerly Mrs Burnham, the well-known correspondent, does not like Mrs Langtry. To show what one woman can say about another, we quote the following from her last New York letter : “ Mrs Langtry is a most remarkable woman, On a fine complexion, a a good head of hair, a gash of a mouth, large wholesome teeth, a bust as flat as a Boston cracker, very ugly arms, abnormally big hands and feet, absurdly slender and dubby-kneed legs, a very shamble of a walk, a violently corsetted waist, she has established a reputation for beauty almost divine.” “ASgles,” in the “Australasian,” writes: —“At the time (not so long ago) of those brutal murders committed in Tasmania by the youths Sutherland and Ogden, for which they were convicted and hanged, the surroundings of the crimes and matters incidental to them furnished subjects for comment in many local pulpits. Said one rev, gentleman —‘Think, my brethren, how humane has become the treatment of criminals in these our times. Instead of the vinegar and water accorded our blessed Redeemer, these cruel murderers, before execution, were regaled on pork chops and onions.’ And this is the kind of realism which passes for preaching.” “You have the advantage of me,” said the cashier blandly. “ You will have to get someone to identify you,” “Identify me? Why I am your son, just back from college for the summer vacation. “ May be, may be,” answered the cashier, “ but my son did not look like a fool, wear a cockney hat, monkey-tail coat, tight breeches, toothpick shoes, neither did ho use such cane handles. When ray wife returns from Europe next summer, you might present your claims to her, and if she decides that you are our offspring, I shall be happy to bid you an affectionate good-by on your return to college.”

A gentleman in Paris who had been wont to give fiyo sous daily to a blind beggar whom be passed day on his way to business, gave him one morning by mistake a napoleon, and afterwards discovering his error, ascertained from another beggar his beneficary’s address and called there to recover his gold, piece. A tidy maid opened the door of a comfortably-fur-nisbed suite of apartments. Monsieur was requested to take a seat, and in a minute or two the beggar made his appearance, neatly dressed, and with faultless shirt-front. The object of the visit was stated. “My clerk is just making up the day’s accounts,” he said, “if a napoleon has been found in the box it shall be restored to you.” The piece of gold was found, and the beggar handed it back to his visitor. As the latter was retiring the beggar called out to him “ I beg your pardon, sir, but you hove forgotten to give me the halfpenny out of it.”

There is something in the manner in which justice is sometimes dispensed in England. It has ceased to be considered a novelty, when a pickpocket receives a heavier sentence than a ruffian who assaults and maims a woman. Two recent cases, however, have been the subject of adverse criticism in English papers. In one instance a young man was sentenced to six weeks’ imprisonment with hard labor for breaking two window-panes in a police station. In the other case a drunken father threw a chair upon a baby sleeping in a cradle and kicked it twice, fatally injuring the baby, and the father was sentenced to an imprisonment of one month with hard labour.