SATURDAY GOSSIP.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2903, 15 July 1882, Page 3

SATURDAY GOSSIP.

The big sale of yesterday caused a welcome excitement. It is refreshing to see money turned over now-a-days. Surely there has not been so much “ fiz ” consumed in Timaru for many a day. The drinking of health in champagne is a very pleasing recreation. Goodfeeling is a beautiful trait. I had four carpet bags full of sovereigns ready ; but, owing to a prior engagement I lost the chance of buying •‘ the Ship.”

Regarding the Titan. I’m afraid she is not really a tight ’un! That SubCommittee are enjoying themselves under the lash of the Press. They are a philosophical pair of gentlemen, however, and not easily put into a flutter.

A certain profundity marks the ordinary conversation of some individuals, which is imposing, and gives indication of something uncommon in the mental economy. At the R.M. Court, last Tuesday, a witness gave utterance to the following bit of English. It had this merit, that it set, one thinking, and that’s more than everybody can do. Bis Worship—“ Is this ” (referring to something just explained) “ the usual custom in your business ?” Witness—- “ Well, yes, Your Worship,-under ordinary circumstances, unless governed by other matters.” This witness was, once, I believe, a candidate for Parliamentary honors. It seems a pity the House lost the benefit of his lucidity.

Egypt has now got her elerenth plague, the plague of iron-elads. Will this bombardment kindle the fires of war in other quarters ? It seems to me a very fortunate circumstance for Europe, that the fire-eating General Skobeloff departed this life just before the outbreak of war. He would certainly hare had a finger in the pie, and pulled the wires hard to gain his end. He was a frank, brave soldier, and his death was therefore a loss. But I think Europe will bear the loss with some composure under existing circumstances.

The question of defences is beginning to occupy public attention in view of the possible visit from piratical cruisers. Suppose we get op some fine morning and find an enemy’s vessel lying in the roadstead ; and a boat should come oshore conveying, say, a Russian officer. Or Jackson (in the absence of His Worship the Mayor), attended by his namesake, the Lieutenant, in full uniform, sword in hand, and supported by the Town Clerk; the rear being brought up by the Councillors, let us suppose, arrive on the Breakwater. Jf. Votiicier lands. He can speak pure Freuch, but the Reception Committee can’t, so he falls back on English, Mr Duval not being at hand to interpret, “I av ze onore to vish you a good day, Mister Maire, I attend for his Imperial Majeste’ ze Emperor of Euss- An I inform you vis moch Teepee zat my ship is ’ere and I mus av a fifty'tousan poun in six ours or, by gare, I vill blow your town of Timaru to L’enfer viz ray Krupp guns, l av ze honor to attend your plaisir.” And lighting his cigarette the officer smiles gallantry round. Everybody is struck dumb, till a happy thought comes to someone. Send for Mr Chisholm ! A cab goes for him, and the representative of the Bank of Now Zealand is on the spot in a few minutes and vis a vis with M. Popporookousky. Impressive tableau ! The banker face to face with the representative of the Czar. In the meantime preparations are secretly made for the worst. The heroes of Parihaka form, the deadly ordnance is dragged forth from the drill shed, the Archdeacon blesses it. The populace arm themselves with all sorts of weapons. The constables parade in tho station yard and the cavalry are called to horse, the women and children are convcyd in expresses to Wai-iti, and wo await tho issue of negotiations. They end in the banker honoring tho demands of the Russian cruiser and she shapes a course for Oatnaru. leaving us sadder, poorer, (if possible) and wiser men.

The Mechanics’ Institute is always pleading in forma paupcri and complaining of scant support. When the Committee make the thing public, lower the subscription, uad canvass among all classes, people will take an interest in the thing. The mechanics rather resent their name being used as the designation of an institution which no inducement is held out for them to avail themselves of.

The experiences of a debt-collector are varied. There is no occupation requiring so much tact. A good collector is fit for service in the corps diplomatique. I wonder the British Government does’nt choose its diplomatists from among these highly useful individuals.

And Tiniaru might bo named, just novv> as an excellent training ground.

The Government rather prides itself on liberality, I believe. Now, if private enterprise can initiate threepenny beer, it is a wonder to me that Government can’t stretch a point in the matter of railway fares. They are high enough, goodness knows. The temptation is strong to spend Saturday afternoon in the threepenny department, instead of going out for a jaunt. Puck.