Wise and Otherwise.

Rodney and Otamatea Times, Waitemata and Kaipara Gazette, 18 September 1912, Page 3

Wise and Otherwise.

Why do you call that boy of yours flannel? Because he naturally shrinks from washing. '■"*■ * * •■■■■ • . Dispep: Don't you dread the silent watches of the night? Latsome: No •" it s the cuckoo clocks that I detest v * * * ♦ » First Cannibal: How did your chief get that attack of hay fever? Second Ditto: He ate a grass widow * * * * * But, Mabel, on what grounds does your father object to me? On any grounds within a mile of our house * * # * # Tommy; Pa, the thermometer has a"J Pa: Much ' my b°y? Tommy • About five feet, pa; it's broken. * * * * * ' Casual Acquaintance: I was on the stage for a while. Actor: What made you leave it? Your people? No: the audience. **♦ • ■ • Ettie: And why does Clare speak of George as her intended? Are they engaged? Edie: No; but she intends they shall be. _* * * ♦ • Did you tell your sister I was here, asked the caller. Yes, sir. Good boy. And what did she say? She said, Oh, dear! ■**• " * » I can't trust a storekeeper from one end of the land to the other. Just the same at sea. They have to keep on-weighing the anchor. ° * * * • # I know, Baid little Tommy, why people laugh in their sleeves. Why? asked his father. Because that's where the funny-bone is. * « *- • ' . • Teacher: Now, Patsy, would it b© proper to say, You can't learn mo nothing? Patsy: Yes'm. Teacher: Why? Patsy: 'Cause ye can't. * • • • • Jack: Widows are wiser than maids, in one respect at least. Tom: Why: Jack: They never let a good chance go by thinking that a better one will come their way. * * * • • Tom: How is it you're not married yet ? Dick: The amateur photographic craze is responsible for it. How so? All the girls I know have taken to developing negatives' f **■ • # » Servant: There's a gentleman wanti to see you on business. Master: Well, ask him to take a chair. He's taking 'em all, and the table, too. He comes from the furniture shop. ; **.* ♦ „ • She: How could you tell papa that you were up every morning in time to see the sun rise when you don't get up till nine? He: Thatfs all right. The sun rises until noon, doesn't it? *• * * * * Sh» : I'm going to give you back m> engagement ring; I love another. , He: Give me his name and address. Sh»: Do you want to kill him? He: No; I want to sell him the ring. *'•*•• Mamma, may I go over with Freddie in his yard? No, my son, you and Freddie stay in our yard and play. But there's no fun in our yard, mamma; . we've trampled down all our flower*. #.■ # * # # < . Beggar (insinuatingly): I say, mister, have yer got any suggestions to make to a feller w'.at ain't able to raise a penny to get shaved with? Old Gentleman {passing on): Yes j grow a beard. ***** Do you think a man should take his wife into his confidence regarding his business affairs? asked the man who had just been married. If he isn't making any money, yes, replied the experienced one, cautiously. ***** Nurse: You must forgive your brother before jrou go to . bed—you might die in the night. Willie (reluctantly): Well, I'll forgive him to-night, but if I don't die he'd better jolly well look I out in the morning. ***** First Actor: I thought your next tour was to have been through South Africa Second Actor: It was, but the company struck. One of them had read that an ostrich egg often weigfis two or three pounds. *** * * # Don't talk of "forlorn hope," Captain Dashleigh, because I have refused you. There must be other girls in your mind who could make you happy! There were—and I asked them! You were the "forlorn hope!" * * * * «■ Why do you want to give .your parrot away ? He uses such awful language. Who trained him? Well—er— ah—you—see Yes, I see. You want to give him away because he gives you away. . * *. * » « . Old Grumpy: What the deuce do you mean, sir, *by kissing my wife? Oilcan: Awfully sorry—er, but Ir-er; —couldn't h€lp myself. Old Grumpy: Couldn't ihelp yourself? But thijt'4 just what you did do, confound you! * *■ . * , * * . ♦ Did your husband have anywluck at the races asked the inquisitjjfc^ 1"]^!!'. Wonderful luck! answered'i|l#§MflflM hostess: He inadvertentJyi^|^'J^^^H pound n«te in his .waiejpt,. and forgot to "put it jJR* &^^^^^l The new house^^dfT^ F&jjj^^^^^^l of standing with hJtr'/al^^^^^^B and her mistress diJ^jii^^^^^^^H \ she said, sharply, Wtfj^^^^^^^M your mouth, is ,°Pj§Kjj^^^^^^^^^| Mary, explained, iJlfl^^^^^^^^^^^l Young HousekJH^^^^^^^^^H trial to have ftj^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l can't understan<||^^^^^^^^^^^^^H Old Hius,ekeej*a^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H unpleasant ■ifc J^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l understand t||^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| you; ' ' V'H^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l