THE LIGHT COLUMN.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 11931, 29 October 1919, Page 2

THE LIGHT COLUMN.

ALLEGED HUMOUR. PLEASURE. An individual who would possibly have answered to the name of “Weary Willie,’’ was presented with sixpence by a kind old lady. *‘l am not giving you this sixpeu ce, ” she said, “bceausa you begged, but for my own pleasure. ” ‘‘Oh, ma’am, '* ho replied, “make it a quid, and have a thundering good time.” THE COLONEL'S IDEA, The colonel beckoned to his orderI ly. “Smith, I wish you’d ride into the town and get the correct time.” “Why, air,” Smith hesitated. “I haven’t got a watch,” I “A watch, a watch,” the colonel j roared. “What in the name of sense I do you want a watch for? Write it I down on a piece of paper, man.” WHAT IS FAME? The teacher was giving the class a natural history lesson on Australia. “There is one animal’,’,sbe said, “none of yon have mentioned. It does not walk on its legs all the time. It does not walk like other I animals, but it takes funny little skips. What is it?” And the class shouted with one voice, “Charlie Chaplin. ” STRATEGY. “Oh! my,” yawned the wife as hubby pleaded with her to arise and prepare his breakfast, ‘ ‘you never let me have my beauty sleep!” “But you don’t need a beauty sleep, dear,” answered hubby. I And it came to pass that wifie quickly arose and there have been no more late breakfasts in that household, even unto this day! FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS, He was a cynic. “Do you think the medicine does you good,” asked the nurse. “If the directions are followed explicit) y, ” he replied. “In what way, sir, ” demanded the nurse, thinking she was charged with neglect. “Keep the bottle tightly corked.” OJNLY A CHEQUE. A countryman tells how, at, a railway station, as a "of wives were starting for the seashore and bidding their respective husbands adieu, he heard one really charming young matron say, as she kissed her hubby good-bye, “Au revoir, dearie. Don’t forgot to write!” “Oh, I’ll write often,” protested her husband. “Do, dearie,” continued the wife; “do —if it’s only a cheque.” NOT A GENTLEMTAN. Barrister - “Now, sir, 'you have stated under oath that this man had the appearance of a gentleman. Will you be good'enongh to tell the 'jury "how a gentleman looks, in your estimation?” Downtrodden Witness : “Well, er —a gentleman looks er—like—er—” Barrister; "I dont’ want any of your *ers, ’ sir; and remember that you are on oath. Can you see anybody in this courtroom who looks like a gentleman?” Witness: “I can if you’ll stand out of the wav, ” QUICK WORK. The American visiting Edinburgh had been orating upon the speed with which engineering operations were carried out in the States. The Forth Bridge came into view. “Now,” he said, turning to the old Scotsman beside him, “what do you call that lump of old girders thrown across the river there?” | “I cndna tell ’' answered the Scot, “It wasn’a there yesterday!” A BETTER WAY. A college professor who r was always ready for a joke was asked by a student one day if he would like a good recipe for catching rabbits. y “Why, yes,” replied the professor. “What is it?” “Well,” said the student, “you crouch down behind a thick stone wall and make a noise like a turnip. ’ ’ “That may be,” said the profes- I sor, with a twinkle in his eye, . “but a better’way than that would be tor you ot go;and sitjquietly in a bed of cabbage heads and look natural.”