THE LIGHT COLUMN.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 11930, 28 October 1919, Page 2

THE LIGHT COLUMN.

ALLEGED HUMOUR. First Lawyer: “Hid his speech cany conviction?” Second Lawyer: “It did; his client got five years.” ‘lsn’t he rather fast, dear?” ashed the anxious mother. “Yes, mamma,” replied the girl, ‘‘but I dont’ think he will get away. ” In reply Go a young writer who wished to know, which magazine would give him the highest position quickest, a friend wrote: “A powder magazine, if you contribute a fiery article.”

Ethel. “Did you flirt when you were young, mother?” Mother: “I’m afraid I did dear.” Ethel: “And. were you ever punished for it?” Mother: “Yes, dear; I married your father,” “Mrs Green has another new hat, and I—”

“My depr, Mrs Green has to have new hats. If she were as pretty and as attractive as you she wouldn’t have to depend on the milliner so much. ”

Customer: “ Send me a quarter’s worth of boiled ham, please.” Shop Assistant: “All right, air. Anything else.?” Customer : ‘ my wife isn’t home tell the boy to pat it through the keyhole.”

Father, home from business: “I hope you have been a good boy today, Jack?” Jack: “Well, I’m afraid ha ven’t, daddy.” “Indeed! I hope you haven’t heenvery bad?” “No-o! just comfortable!”

Attorney: ‘ ‘Have you never had any trouble with the defendant?” Gap Johnson, of .Rumpus Ridge, Ark. ‘ ‘Nope. None worth metioning. W e’ve sorter took a shot at each other now and again, but that’s about all.”

Dubson: ‘‘What’s the matter?” Grubson; ‘‘My daughter insists on going as a missionary to Tibet. Think of the hardships she will have to face!” Dubson: ‘‘You’re lucky. My daughter iiusists on marrying a poet. ”

“Bertie,” said the hospitable hostess at a Sunday school treat, “won’t you eat some more cake?” “I can’t: I’m full!” sighed Bertie. “Well, put pome in your pockets.” “I can’t. They’re full, too,” was the regretful answer.

Holding up a pair of antique candlesticks, the auctioneer said: “Give me a start.” “Fourpence!” came a voice from the crowd. “What!” exclaimed the horrified auctioneer. “Ah I” said the bidder, “1 thought that would give you a start, ”

A sympthetic lady of the old school rang up the treasury of one of the Inns of Court, and after much delay at last heard a severe voice saying : “I can’t attend to you. This office closed at four o’clock.” “Heavens, ” cried the old lady, “arc you lockde in?”

The evening was cold and Jones got home very late. “Where have you been till now?” asked his wife. “Been and*had my photo taken, ” he answered. “Anri what have you done with your overcoat?” “Mrs Janes inquired. ‘“Overcoat?” said Jones: “they’ve taken that, too!”

“Is he honest?” “Scrupulously so. He told the Government exactly what his income was, and he doesn’t tell his friends that lus tax is larger than it really is. ” “I want a careful chauffeur —one who doesn’t take any risks.” “I’m your man, sir! I always ask for my salary in advance”