THE LIGHT COLUMN.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 11930, 25 October 1919, Page 2

THE LIGHT COLUMN.

ALLEGED HUMOUR. i - —" A man recently described himself I as "a late government official." Is there another sort, then? Things that are what they appear to he are so rare that one cannot tell them when one sees them. Harold: One moment, old thing, while I collect my thoughts. Reginald : While you are at it, old top, collect a few for me. "What's the excitement in your neighbourhood." "Going to pool our interests and buy a community watermelon." Flatbush: Ever try the fighting game? Beusonhurst: Well, I've played croquet with my wife, if that's what you mean. "What did Columbus prove by standing an egg on end?" "That eggs n\ his day were cheap enough to bo handled carelessly." Wile, with newspaper: Another strike. Isn't it awful? Hubby: Can't say until you give me particulars — it might be a strike of tax collectors. Johnson : Tney tell me that Dobbs is an awful grumbler. Jackson: He is. He is the kind of fellow who blames hiß face because it needs a shave. Mrs Newbride: When you found that you couldn't accept the invitation to our wedding why didn't you send your regrets? Miss Ryval: Oh, I thought you'd have "enough of your own pretty soon, dear. Bald-headed Gentleman, in barber's shop: You ought to cut my hair cheaper; there is nothing to cut. Hairdresser: Oh, no. In your case wo don't charge for- cutting the hair; wo chargo for having to search i for it. Hewitt: My wife is a cheerful sort of companion. Jewett: How is that ? Hewitt: I told her that I had taken out a twenty year endowment on my life, and she said That she hoped I wouldn't mature before the policy did. You can't surprise a Chinaman. An aeroplane was flying over fekin for the first time, and a proud European pointed it out to a native. "Don't you think it wonderful?" "Well," said the Chinaman, calmly, after a passing glance at the machine, "the thing is meant to do that, isn't it?" THE NEW SCHOOL. "Is this a strictly modern school for young women?" "Judge for yourself." "Well?" "Dancing, motoring, aviation and stump speaking are featured in the curriculum."

DISCONCERTING. "The chorus girls are somewhat timorous about doing their drill." Z "Why, it went great at rehearsal." "Yes, but they feel somewhat nervous under the scrutiny or *an audience composed largely of second lieutenants." THE LIKENESS. "Ella's new photo must be a jolly good likeness.'' "Why?" "She's had it two days, and hasn't shown it to anyone." EQUAL TO THE OCCASION. Mrs Newrich: Strange that you find it so hard to keep your help. I never have any difficulty in keeping mine. Mrs Hauton : Oh, but you have ' a great advantage over us. You naturally rind it easy to humour them by treating them as equals. _^ UNEASONABLE PARENTS. "Did you meet air/ nice young men at the seashore? ' "Yea, any number of them, and two perfectly hacrming men that mother and father both objected to.''