THE LIGHT COLUMN.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 11928, 23 October 1919, Page 2

THE LIGHT COLUMN.

ALLEGED HUMOUR. ONLY RESTING. The small boy had been very naughty, so his mother had sent him away from the table, without any dessert. For an hour he sat sobbing in the corner, but at last, as nobody took any notice of him, he thought it was time to cease. “Now you’ve finished making that horrible noise,’' said his mother, “I hope you are, going to be a good boy.*' “I haven’t finished,” he said passionately’, breaking into sobs once again, “i was only resting.” CUTE. The fond parents had striven valiantly for some considerable time to teach little Effie to say the letter “A.” At last the father, giving up in disgust, left the room. “Now, why don’t you say A? inquired the mother, as she took the child upon her knee. “Because after I say ‘A tpther and you will expect me to say ‘B was the unexpected reply. UNEASY. Sunday afternoon and the sun shining, beautifully. Coming in opposite directions were two urchins, and they, exchanged glauces of recognition. “Hello, Sanday! Whaur hw ye been?” asked one. “Fishiu’ up the river,’ answered the other; “Did ye catch anything?” “No”—uneasily—“l haveua been hameyet!” THE SKELETON OF COLUMBUS. A prominent public man, whose one hobby is collecting curios, tells of an amusing incident which occurred whilst he was on a visit to the States. He was looking around a big antique shop in New York when he espied a large skeleton in the corner of the establishment. On asking the assistant for particulars he was met with the reply, “That is the skeleton of Christopher Columbus. ” 1 ‘And who is the small one beside it?” he inquired. ‘“Oh,” said the assistant, “that is the skeleton of ( Christopher Columbus when he was a boy.” EXPLAINED. A teacher in a Sunday school had been giving her scholars an address on the Creation, 'which,she felt sure she had kept within the comprehension of the children, and at the conclusion siie invited questions. A small boy eagerly held up his hand. “Please ma’am,” he said, “why was Adam never a baby?” The teacher felt somewhat doubtful as to what answer to give, when a little girl of nine, who was the eldest of several brothers and sisters, promptly came to her aid. “Please, ma’am.” she said, “I know . ’Cos there was nobody to nuss him. ” DOGGY. Master: “Who was it who fiddled while Rome burned,” Boy: “Hector, sir!” Master; “No, not Hector. Try again. ” Boy: “Thou Carlo, sir!” Master: “Carlo! What do you mean?” .“Boy: “Well, then, if it wasn’t Hector or Carlo, it must have been Nero, I knew it was somebody with a dog’s name, anyway,” COULD, IF HE LIKED. The farmer and his fair young cousin from the city were going i round the farm together, and the farmer was rapidly failing beneath the spell of the town maiden’s eyes. Yon see, she knew' the way to do it. “Now, that’s a pretty scene, ’’ lie said, pausing beside the fence of a paddock in which a cow and a calf were rubbing noses together in bovine love. The sight of it makes me want to do the same.” “Well, go on,” said the sweet young thing placidly; ‘“it’s your cow, you know.” POOR GRANDPA. Johnnie had ruined a splendid lot j of prize chrysanthemums in his i grandfather's ‘ garden by playing football therein against express orders, and a court martial was held, with grandma as the presiding genius. “Johnnie,’’ she said, ‘‘who destroyed those flowers?” Johnnie thought for a moment. “Sister Kathleen,” he said. “Now, now,” observed grandpa reprovingly, “be a man. Say ‘ 1 did it. ’ ” A smile of relief lit up littU Johnnie’s countenance. “Oh, yes, ” he cried, “that’s right—grandpa did it!” A DECEPTION THAT FAILED. A man who for many years had been confidential clerk to a certain lawyer was in the habit of visiting a neighbouring saloon every morning at eleven o’clock for the purpose of taking a-small glass of [whisky, tie was, however, not proud of the habit, and consequently after the whisky he always took a dope. It happened „ one morning that there were no cloves in the bar, so

after considering'the matter he ’decided to eat a small pickled onion* as he thought it would no doubt destroy the tell-tale whisky as well as the clove had done. Soon after he returned to his desk, however, he discovered that something was wrong, as several times he noticed his employer give a sniff, and at last the latter, with a snort of disgust, turned to him and said:— ‘ ‘Look here, John; I’ve stood whisky and clove for*nearly 20 years but I draw the line at whisky and onions.” WORSE. With an exercise book' on his knees, a sharp-looking schoolboy sat in the corner of the compartment scribbling for dear life. Occasionally he glanced through the window, evidently for inspiration, and sometimes there was an frown on his face. Impressed by the youngster’s activity, an old gentleman; iu tire opposite corner had;!his J? curiosity aroused. ~ “Can’t you manage it?” he asked, in a sympathetic tone. “Manage what, sir?” the youngster replied. “Why, that problem ing out for your home lessons.” “Home lessons?” exclaimed the lad, with a sunny smile."““This |is ten times worse than home lessons. I’m picking our team for Saturday, and I’ve got sixteen [men for eleven places.” ABSENT THAT DAY. A certain methodical teacher had a regular routine of questions which she asked her class every Sunday. The class was always arranged in the same order, and she began with tire same question. “Who made yon?” and the hoy at the head of the class answered, “God.” Then to the next boy. “Who was the first man” and he answered ‘ ‘Adam. ” One Sunday the first boy was absent, and of course the usual second boy was at the head of the class. As usual she began by asking, “Who made you,” and the boy answered, “Adam.” “No,” the teacner said, “God made you,” “I don’t think so, miss,” the boy replied, “the hoy that God made is not here to-day. ’ ’