SHORT STORIES.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 11760, 21 February 1919, Page 6

SHORT STORIES.

DOUBTFUL. Mr Round-Talkem was a loquacious magistrate, but had the unfortunate habit of letting himself down, through foolish mistakes, which speckled liberally his flow of oratory It was his pleasure and privilege to sentence a man for sneep-stealing After discoursing at length on the inquiry of his offence, he finished by saying: “My man,haa yon been tried for this same offence eighty years ago, yon would have been hung to-mor-rowmoraiug ’_ ■ He was conversing with his bosom pal, during his better-half’s absence She had gone on a short stay with mother, and left him to look after the happy homo “And you wash yonr own dishes while your wife ia away’’ asked his friend?” “No; I just staek]thena up in the sink!” “I should think you’d he ashamed and sorry to have her come back and find them in that condition!” | ‘‘l should be a jolly sight sorrier if she found them in the other condition, and suspect that I’ve been having all my meals up in the town restaurants!” PAYING FOR PLEASURE. ;• “They be tellin’ me ’ow ye’re working’ ’ard night an’Jjday, Mrs O’ Flynn, since yer was np before the magistrate for shovin’ yer ’ushand about,” said the kindly-disposed and inquisitive neighnonr to Mrs O’Flynn ‘‘Yes. ’ls ’Onour said that if I came before ’im again, he would fine me one pound,” was the answer' “And so ye’re workin’*’ard to keep out of mischief,” continued the sympatheofic, one “No, I ain’t. I he workin’ course I am savin’ up for the fine!” i, ,- &#£ RESIGNATION. “I]dn hate soap, nurse!” said the young lady of the family. ‘‘Why do they pnt soap on you?” “You don’t want to he a dirty girl, do you, dearie?” remonstrated nurse. “Well, but birds, horses, elephants, and all the other things don’t have soap, but are clean. ” Nurse was taken completely by surprise, and was speechless for a few moments. But Kitty continued . “Uf course, I haven’t a bill or a tongne to lick myself clean, as they have, so I suppose I shall have to put up with it. ” SSS PROOF POSITIVE. Dad was a politician, and, consequently, Wasted much of his time writing out speeches. He was thus engaged ene day, when his small offspring yelled shrilly up from the garden: “Dad, look out of the window!” “What a nuisance the child is!” grumbled the parent.; but nevertheless, tearing himself away from the great national work, he opened the window, and showed out his head. “Well, Billy, what is it?’ “Oh, it’s all right” said his son, from the midst of equally obnoxious young friends. ‘‘Jack Spilikins didtif believe that you had no hair on the top of your head !” GETTING OUT OF I^. '.The artist had just finished painting the portrait of a young girl who was very proud of her appearance. He was talking about her to an intimate friend at the private view at Ilia Academy. “Her features are exquisitely moulded, I have heard,” said the friend. “Beauitul forehr-ad and eyes,” replied the artist; hands ime nose, fine chin, but a mouth like an elephant’s “Sir!” said a voice behind. And the artist turned to see the girl he referred to at bis elbjw. “A month like an elephant’s. What do you mean?’ “Only that it is filled with snperb ivory,” returned the artist with a bow.