NOTHING SERIOUS.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 48, 22 June 1917, Page 2

NOTHING SERIOUS.

HANG IT f They were requested to leave the house of refreshment at closing-time, so they took the precaution to carry with them not less than one reputed quart of whisky. j f In Brown’s rooms they sat | J ' i discuss it, feeling that another-hUb? drink wouldn’t dOg,tham any 1.-'. Lower and lower tbs go'.dru .sank, and conversation became moie constrained and inarticabH'*. Presently Brown J-'kt.l hi« head upward. “Shay, ole boy, seen anything of ole Robnshn lat-ly ?’’ “Dunno. Wba'.’a ’if. name?’ Brown looked as thoughtful as a (•nmol for a moment. Thru, with a hot*W3 gesture, he murmured : “Hang it ! Can’ think of 'is tally name !” VERY TRUE. The temperance orator was working hia speech up to a magnificent peroration, when a rudJy-uouod member of the audience interrupt;;.l, “ ’Scuse me, sir !’’ he harked. ‘But are you aware that in eer-e n parts of Germany there arc men who have lived fdr years alone ?’* • “Yes, sir ; t db !” f!a..bed advocate of pure wat«.r. Ark. I think that any inan who Uvea o:x beer ought to he compelled to liv* alone 1” i HAPPY THOUGHT. Sydney, aged two and a ha'f y citen pays a visit to grandma, ami when he begins to knock about hi a toys and i« otherwise too rough h* has been told net to knock so bard, and to dp it gently next, time. One day in his own home.when he had been more than usually obstreperous, Lie mother corrected him in the way mothers know how, which made the tears flow : but suddenly he stopped crying, and said in u most indignant manner, “That. v,„) too hard, maram*. Do it gently n<,it : time.” | INTELLIGENT DOG. Tommy Howard is no better and. rsc worse than the majority :-t mtv of his age : b«t, h’-s nnuaen anu, who keeps him ie si/pi-dmc at Crf'iifl, and ! to whom he looks to leave him sorosi thing worth while, takes it for granted that be is the embodiment of a 1! the virtue*!. She went to we him r«ccnt.y, and the dutiful Tommv took her and his dog for a walk through the city. Tommy hadn’t giv-m -a thought in the i*icllis>nce of the canine mohot. as the event proved, the I dog n*«' ly upset the wh»le .'asinees. I For he trotted ahead, stopped at the j‘d*or of the Brown Cow, and looked j round as if expecting his master, to i follow. [ “Thomas,” said his aunt, “what J does this mean ?” S “Mean, aunty ?” replied Tommy. | “Er—dog's a wonderfully intelligent beast, you see. Saw the sign of tnat ■ horrid place, thinks it’s a dairy, and,. I liking milk, wants me to bey him some.”

Explanation accepted, but it was » close touch.

NO SUNDAY TRADING Farmer^!ones was a firm believer in keeping the Sabbath ; he regarded it as his ..duty to show others a good example. But that didn’t prevent him loitering after service to have a chat with his brother farmers, when crops and harvests loomed larger than'sermons and theology. "A purty mare ye’ve got there, Mr. Johns !’* said he one Sunday, as be paused by another farmer’s gate. “Iss, she be that, Mr. Jones.’’ was the reply. “If ’twasn’t Zunday, I’d he askin' if she wor for zale.” “And likewise, if ’tworn’t Zunday, I’d say she wor.” “A strange coincidence, Mr. John*,’ said Jones. Then, after a long pause, he added: “Now, if ’twasn’t Zunday. what’d ye ask for she ?” “Well, I’d ask forty-five pounds.” “I’d give ye thirty-five pounds!” replied Jones, sharply. “Couldn’t take that,” said John-!, regretfully ; “but if ’tworn’t Zunday I’d say split the difference." “So we would !” agreed Jones. “Gould ’ee lend Oi a saddle, and T.’U ride ber wboom now ? I’ll send saddle hack wi’ cheque In the morning. I’d buy her now, only it wouldn’t bp seemly on Zunday.”

A SURE SIGN

“Getting on nicely,” said tb* doetor—“very nicely ! I think be might Jmve a little solid food directly he begins to be convalescent.” “But what are the signs of convalescence ?" asked the wife. “Oh, it’s always a good sign when the patient b displays irritability aod a disposition to argue and a certain peevishness.” On his visit next day th* doctor found the little wife very cheerful. “And how is the patient ?” he asked. “Oh, much better, I think, doctor ! I gave him a fried steak and onions yesterday.” 4 “Fried steak and onions?” gasped the'medico. “But why on earth ’ “Well, I followed your instructions doctor. ’ You said that if he was at all peevish or disposed to argue it was a sign that he could stand some solid food. He asked me last night if he could have a fried steak and onions, and I said I didn’t think he ought to, so he got up and went into the kitchen, smashed fourteen aoupplatos, a tea-service, and two mifkjugs. So, in view of what you said, I let him have it