WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 47, 19 June 1917, Page 2

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

During a Bible lesson a teacher wa i trying to explain the parable of the tares. J “Can anyone tell me any persotf who is like the evil one. who aowrf the tares ?” A hand instantly shot up from tIW toot of the class. ' "Well, David, what person do you say ?” "Please, ma’am, my mother.” “Why ?” asked the teacher, in astonishment. • “Because,” answered he, eyeing hifl patched trousers, “she sews tears.” A bishop recently addressed a large assemblage of Sunday-school children, and wound up by asking, in a very paternal way, “And now, is there any little boy. or any little girl, who would like to ask me a question ?” A thin, shrill voice at the back ol the room called out, “Please, sir, why did the angels walk up and down Jacob’s ladder when they had wings ?” “Oh, ah, yes—l see,” said the bishop. “And now, is there any little girl or boy who would like to answer this question ?” The callous bailiffs had cleared out every stick and stone, and nothing remained but bare walls and desoaltion. The sobbing wife viewed the sad scene, then, turning to her indolent husband, who stood with his hands deep down in his empty pockets, and a clay pipe between hU teeth, she said : “This is what you have done top us.” Remorse seemed to strike him, foi he remarked : “I will go and enlist,” Then his wife replied in sarcastic tones “I should—for home defence.” RATHER A SHOCK. ; With an idea of testing his pupils' knowledge of their mother-tongue a schoolmaster wrote on the blackboard the well-known proverb, “A wink it as good as a nod to a blind horse.” Then he told the class to rewrite this saying, using their own words, but retaining the original meaning < 1 the sentence. Some of the results were good, and others bad ; but the schoolmastei nearly fainted when he read the attempt of one- bright little eight-year-old lassie. She had written ; “A spasmodic movement of thi optic is as adequate as a slight inclination'of the cranium to an equine quadruped devoid of its visionary capacities.” “Well, did you enjoy your trip to London? What did you find new there ?” “Why, somethin’ wuth seein’. Tho hull place is full o’ cabs with cash registers on ’em an’ red flags to show, folks it’s dangerous to dispute the fare. They call ’em taxidermy cabs, ’cause ef you don’t mind thb drivers will jest take the skin off ye.”

“Prisoner,” said the stern old judge, “the jury has found you guilty of smashing all the windows arid ruining the stock of ten millinary establishments. Have you anything to say before sentence is passed upon you ?” “I have,” announced the prisoner, rising to his feet. “Say it.” “I protest, your lordship, against this verdict. I was not tried by a jury of nay peers.” “On what do you base that objection ?” “Why, not one of ’em is married." A country vicar advertised for an “ineligible” to make himself useful, etc,, in his grounds and garden. , A likely candidate turned up arid, after being questioned upon several points, the vicar said to him "You know we are all vegetarians here, and if I engage you I should like you to conform to our rules. Could you ?” The applicant entered into a brown study, and then at last replied : “I think so, sir. But I should like to asjr an important question first. Do you reckon beer a vegetable ?” Scrfbb and his wife were going to the theatre. “Will you please go upstairs ami get my goats ofl the dressing-table ? said Mrs. Scribb. “Your goats ?” queried the puzzled Scribb. “What new-fangled idea have you women got now 7” “I’ll show you !” snapped the wife. Then she sailed away, and soon returned putting on her gloves. “Are those what you mean ? Why, I call those kids.”

“I used to,” replied Mrs. Scribb, “but they are getting so old I am ashamed to call them by that name any longer.” He took the hint.