WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 37, 15 May 1917, Page 2

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

THE BENEFIT OF ECONOMY. “What news to-day ?” said a merchant to his friend lately. “What news !” responded the other; “nothing, only times are growing better; people are getting on their legs again.” “On their legs !” said the first. J don’t see bow you can make that OUt.” .. . “Why, yes,” replied the other , 'folk that used to ride are obliged tc walk now ; is not that getting on their legs again ?”

UPSET HIM. Two men were heard conversing near the pavilion of* a well-knowc cricket-ground. “I’ve never missed seeing a matcl for ten years except once,” said ou( who was pulling away at a wellseasoned clay pipe, “and that wai when my old woman died.” "You don’t say so !” exclaimed th< other, in a tone of surprise. * "Yes,” replied the first speaker. “I was just getting ready to go to the match, when my old girl saye, ‘Jack, I do feel had !' Of course, 1 went for some brandy, but she would not look at it. So then I sends my lad, Tom, for the doctor ; hut when he came, bless me if she worn’t dead.’ He paused, sighed, and with tears starting to his eyes, added ; “Yes, old man,,it did,upset me—amissing that match ! ”

“SOME” TRAVELLING. I There is a story of an old farmer in Kentucky who until recently had never seen a motor-car. j The old chap was standing on the corner of the main street of a town' in that State when a good-sized touring car came along at about thirty miles an hour and slowed up just long enough to • take the corner on two wheels. The farmer’s astonishment was extreme. He watched the disappearing car with bulging eyes and open mouth. Then, turning to a bystander, he remarked “The bosses must sholy have been travellin’ some when they got loose from that gen’ieman’s kerridge I" A SMART NAG. A traveller in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally, the traveller approached and asked , solicitously ; “In your horse sick ?” “Not that I know of,” was the ply“ls he balky ?” “No, but he is so.danged ’fraid I’ll say, ‘Whoa’ and he won’t hear me that he stops every once in a while to listen.”

TIMED TO A MINUTE. ! She was a servant new to the place, and the mistress of the house had issued instructions as to the manner all work was to be done. During the forenoon she, thought she would go into the kitchen to see how Bridget was going on. The rice, she noticed, was boiling over, at which she became very ' cross. “Oh, Bridget !”'said she, “didn’t I tell you to notice when the rice boiled over ?” . “Shure enough an' I did, mum, replied the girl. “It was a quarter to twelve to the minit.” DIDN’T WANT MUCH. One Saturday night a lady who possessed a fruit and vegetable shop hurried to serve her last customer, a very red-faced wojpan. She asked for a pennyworth of vegetables, and wanted a piece oi everything. When she had been given what she desired, she politely asked if they could be wrapped in a piece of paper and tied with a string.

The shopkeeper turned to her, quite calm, and said “Wait a minute, and I will run across to the butcher’s for a bone, and I think that will complete you* Sunday’s dinner.’’

A HINT TO HUSBANDS, '•'Did you see anything that particui larly struck your fancy when you were looking round the furniturt shops to-day ?’’ asked a young husband of his lately-made wife on hei return from a tour of furniture in spection. “Yes,” she replied. “I saw something exceedingly pretty in lookingglasses. “I have no doubt you did,” he observed, “if you looked into them.” The halo of a calm, sweet peaci rests upon that home, j— NO WONDER. Mr. Brown, having bought a new bicycle of . the most approved pattern, presented his old one to Dennis O’Hara, - who did errands and odd jobs for the neighbourhood. " You’ll find . the machine useful when you’re in a hurry, Dennis,” he said. *

The young Irishman H.as loud in hia thanks, but regarded the machine doubtfully. “I think it will be a long time before I can ride it,” he said.

“Why ? Have you ever tried it ?” asked Mr. Brown.

“I have,” said Dennis, gloomily. “I tried one for three weeks, and what with practice night and morning I never got as I could balance myself standing still) Ist' alone riding on it !”

When a Chinaman desires to marry, his parents intimate that fact to the professional “match-maker,” who thereupon runs through the list ol her visiting acquaintances, and select! one whom she considers a fitting brid< for the young man.