NOTHING SERIOUS.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 17, 2 March 1917, Page 2

NOTHING SERIOUS.

CORRECTLY STATED

Determined that his boy shiflild bo well educated, Johnson engaged a Girton gii’l as a governess, for the youngster. So little Frankie learned Latin, and trigonometry, and algebra and all the rest of it.

A friend of his father’s came into the dining-room one day while Frankie was busily engaged at the table with a large sheet of paper and a pencil.

Stealing up to the boy, the newcomer glanced over his shoulder, anc then remarked pleasantly :

“Well, Frankie, arc you drawing an engine ?”

Frankie glanced up from his work, and replied, with a reproving air : “It would require a very strong boy to draw an engine ; but I am endeavouring to make a picture of,a railway-locomotive. i THE LAST ACT. Into the jeweller’s shop came 3 simple-looking old chap, with a very quaint, old-fashioned kitchen clock - under one arm. “I want yon to look at it,” he said, as he laid the timepiece on the counter, “and tell me what’s wrong. - ’ .The jeweller removed the dial qf the clock, screwed his magnifyingglass into his eye, and poked about with the clock’s interior. “Nothing wrong with it now,” he announced presently. “It’s sufferings are over,” “Well, what do I owe you?” asked the customer, thinking be had repaired the clock, . “Nothing,” replied the shopman. “You’re mistaken. This isn’t professional treatment. .It’s a coroner’s inquest!” The story is told of a Scotsman, one of several brothers, whose father a wealthy man, had died.. There was much quarrelling about, the property, A friend condoled with him on the bereavement. “Well,” said he, “our father’s' death might have been a real pleasure to us ; instead of that it is only, a misery.’•’

“There is only a slight difference of opinion between myself and that political economist," said a merchant. “And what is that?”

“He thinks my business should be managed for, the benefit of the public while my idea is that the public should be managed for the benefit of my business.”

.“I want to be excused,” said the worried-looking juryman, ' addressing

the Judge) “I owe a .man £5 that X borrowed, and, as he is leaving England to-day for some years, I want to catch him before he gets to the boat and pay him £5.” * “You are excused,” returned his Lordship, in icy tones. “I don’t want anybody on the jury who can lie like that.” . A SPORTING OFFER. The chaplain of a certain fashionable church undertook the duty of collecting for a wounded soldiers’ fund, and went into the matter with energy. , Among . the people he approached was a . wealthy and jovial sportsman. ■ “And what are, you giving yourself, parson ?” asked the sportsman. “All I can afford,” was the reply; “can I put you down for the same ?”' "Hardly,” laughed the other ; “but I’ll make you Exporting offer. I’ll give you fifty pounds if ydu agree to donate the entire collection at your service next Sunday morning/’ “Agreed,” said ' the chaplain, and the sportsman’s money was -duly handed over. “Perhaps..! may as well tell you,” continued the ‘haplain, as ho pocketed the ten “fivers”'end handed the donor a receipt, - “that next Sunday morning I’m preaching at the local prison.” „ V

ENOUGH FOR THE FAIR BEX. A lecture was given recently on the evil of great’wealth. In the'audience was a man known to the lecturer. The man was the father of ten guls. and the lecturer pointed to him as an example. f , “Think,” said the lecturer, “of I.*-., ing the proud father of tan daughters. Think who Is the happier —-tie man with a hundred thousand pound or the man who is the father of ten daughters.

“I will ask you, Mr. Jackson, w'So do you think is the, happier ?” said the lecturer, pointing. to the subject of his argument.

The man arose and said, “Well, sir, I think that a man with *»n daughters is the happier—a man with. th» mo-ey worries for mor* ; * man with.un daughters never docs,"

Sir A. T, Quiller Couch, tlr* famous 1 novelist, whose strenuous efforts to obtain recruits -has earned him so much praise, tells a funny story about an old Cornish fisherman.

At an ambulance class, the old fallow was asked how he would treat the apparently drowned. “Well,” he replied gravely, “the first thing we always did was to empty the man’s pockets.”'

The old landlord of a small country inn was' sitting listlessly before the fire in the bar parlour when the door opened and a loud-voiced young fellow exclaimed : "Halloa, grandad ! Get, your frame in circulation ! Don’t sit round here like an old woman ! I want accompdation for man and beast.” “Where’s the man 7” asked the old landlord in a flash. One large landowner in Australia possesses an area equal to abou* t tenth of England.